Homestudy #2

Last week we FINALLY turned in the monster stack of paperwork for our Homestudy #2. Our agency's rule is that you can get back on the waiting list once your child is nine months old. Let me clarify, you can begin the Homestudy process when your child is nine months old. I forgot how much work this was. Is that like how women forget labor pains?? Ha ha...

I thought we would move much faster than this - Tommy is now 13 months old! - but that's ok. We were able to skip a few steps, but not many, and we have our first social worker visit next week. It's the same SW as last time, so I hope that will help move things along. First time around we had three visits from her, but it sounds like we will have just two this time. I'm not sure if she will separate us again and interview us individually, although my guess is that she probably will. Obviously our life is very different now that we are parents, so I'm sure that will be the focus of her time with us. I'm hoping she doesn't need to interview one of our references again, but either way we will get it all done.

I'm really frustrated that we have to take a parenting class again! It was less than two years ago we completed the first one, and I honestly didn't get much out of it. I emailed the agency to see if we could at least supplement a different class instead of taking the same exact one; thankfully they said yes.

It's exciting to be moving forward towards building our family again. As always, only the Lord knows what the future holds. Will we conceive? Will we adopt again? Or both?

I just started my third cycle using HCG injections. The last two months I have experienced a little glimmer of hope since my cycles were much longer than usual - 31 and 34 days. Previously my longest cycle was 29 days. For the first time in a really long time the thought crossed my mind, "Could I be pregnant?" Now that I am a few months post-surgery and confident in Dr. S's treatment plan, I feel like it's my best shot to conceive. I feel hopeful. But each time that a new cycle arrives I get the same old feeling that my body will never work properly, that I will never be pregnant. I just don't know how to feel.

In a way, it's easier to surrender to His will this time around. The Lord has been so faithful to us and blessed us abundantly with Tommy. That being said, I realize that our adoption was not the norm. Things moved so quickly and I truly believe it was Our Lady's intercession. As my husband says, maybe we need to make another trip to Lourdes. :) I know that I need to be prepared for a longer wait. I need to pray for grace during this time. Otherwise I might have to take back my words about surrendering being "easier."

I was struck by this reflection this morning in the Magnificat:

"Even our shortcomings, our limitations, and our weakness must lead us back to the Heart of Jesus. His divine Heart calls to our hearts, inviting us to come out of ourselves, to abandon our human certainties to trust in him and, following his example, to making of ourselves a gift of love without reserve."
(Pope Benedict XVI)

Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us.