Cradle Catholic

Thank you JBTC for this adorable onesie!! Tommy and I are heading to our first daily Mass together... I thought it was the perfect outfit. :)

What we've been up to...

We've been really busy lately. I'm not sure how it happened, but we've had a lot going on. I guess I'll work backwards... last night we had youth group. It was our first time bringing Tommy and thankfully it went really well. I'm so glad that we will be able to continue to lead this group with the baby.

Saturday was jam-packed - I gave the Sexuality talk for the Marriage Prep retreat in the morning, I sang for 5pm Mass and then we went to a going-away party for the two priests at our parish. I'm so lucky that my hubby is such a great dad! Not only does he love spending every possible second with Tommy, but he is so great at taking care of him. He can do everything, so that gives me the flexibility to run-around when I need to.

Friday we had a photo shoot with a friend of ours. She is so kind and generous - she offered to do this for us as a gift and I had no idea how talented she was! She uploaded them that night to her website and we just loved all of them. I can't wait to order prints and of course I will post some when I get the digital copies.

I spent some time this past week training my replacement at school. He was my co-worker last year, so that really helps the transition. I will have to write more about this topic later, but everything has really fallen into place. I always knew that I would quit working full-time so that I could be a stay-at-home-mom. But I also hoped that I would have the opportunity to stay connected to my school and perhpas do something part-time.

Next year I will continue to teach one class - drama - and direct the spring musical. One of the mothers from my school has offered to watch Tommy during this time. Can you believe it? This woman is so wonderful and I have really enjoyed teaching her sweet daughters. She is so generous and told me she would be blessed to spend time with Tommy and that she can't think of a better way to volunteer. I am still so overwhelmed at her generosity!

I forgot to mention last week that I got together with two ladies from our support group - including this blogger. It was so great to see them, catch-up and introduce Tommy. The other gals couldn't make it, so hopefully I can see them again soon. I am so blessed that these great women live so close to me.

In cycle news I don't have too much to report since I have stopped charting and somehow I lost my progesterone pills. Ha ha! Obviously I've been distracted. I filled both my Vitamin D and progesterone prescriptions at the same time. I left the Vit D bottle out since I started those right away, but we had houseguests and I don't remember where I put the progesterone when I got home! Oh well. I will take them post-peak next cycle and get bloodwork on peak+7. I have an appointment scheduled with Dr. S for September, so hopefully I will have 2 cycles for him to review.

Tommy continues to fill our lives with so much joy! He has been smiling more and I think he has started to recognize us. His smile no longer seems random and it MELTS my heart to watch his face light up when he looks at me. It brings me a kind of joy that I've never experienced before. I love every single moment of my day with him!

It's hard to believe that he will be 7 weeks old on Wednesday. I got a little video of him yesterday after his bath wearing his cute froggy towel. He recently found his fist and loves to suck on it!
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I love comparing that video to this one from his first bath. He has changed so much from those first days.


We have received so many sweet and generous gifts. This beautiful quilt arrived in the mail today from my aunt who made it. I wish I knew how to do this! Thank you Aunt C!

Five Years Ago...

...I married the love of my life!

(I posted pictures here a year ago on this date.)

I remember someone telling me on my wedding day that my love for my husband would continue to grow for the rest of our lives - that as much as I loved him that day, it would actually pale in comparison to the love we would have later in life.

Now I can see why she said that! It is amazing to look back and see how my love for my husband has grown stronger and deeper over these past five years. I thank God every day for giving me the gift of my husband. He is truly my best friend, my partner, my lover and my soul-mate. No matter what happens in life, I know that he will stay by my side and we will get through it together.

I truly cannot count all the reasons that I love him... his strong character, deep faith, commitment to marriage and family, great sense of humor, adventurous spirit, love for traveling, affectionate nature, etc. I could go on and on!

I can't even put into words what it has been like to watch him become a dad. I always knew he would be a great father and it melts my heart to watch him with Tommy.

I love you honey!

And what would a post be without a Tommy picture? This is from bath time tonight...

Feast Day and Big Smiles

Today is the Feast of St. Thomas More. He is a great saint and is one of the patron saints of adoption. We always loved the name Thomas, and were so thrilled to learn that St. Thomas More was the patron of adoption.

I look forward to celebrating this day and also the Feast of St. Thomas Aquinas with Tommy as he grows up. How many of you celebrate the feast days of your children's patrons? Any fun ideas you can share?

The big news in our house is that Tommy has started smiling! It still seems a little random, but we love it. I captured a couple with the camera. He continues to bring us so much joy!
(I have no idea why I can't get this picture turned around! Oh well...)

HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!

Daddy's Caddy in Training Thanks Sew for this cute onesie!

Still Sinking In...

So I've been wanting to post all week and haven't been able to find the right words. I've come to the conclusion that everything is still sinking in for me. I AM A MOM! Sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming.

Now that we have passed the revocation period (Alleluia!) I can finally let myself go. Until Monday at 5:00pm there was always a chance that this could fall through. Even though it felt like a very small chance, it was still there lurking it's ugly head. And as all infertile gals know, we are used to being disappointed. We are used to guarding our hearts and expecting bad news. I couldn't fully embrace this miracle until Monday.

That is not to say that I haven't been full of SO MUCH JOY these past 37 days. My husband and I have truly relished every second with this precious baby boy. We haven't stopped smiling and have loved spending our days and nights with this little guy. Have I felt like a mother this entire time? Yes and no. It's pretty difficult to "un-guard" your heart, especially when you know that you have a 30-day window when it could be taken away. I can't say that I truly felt like a mother overnight - and yet I hear that is pretty common, even for mothers who give birth.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this or not, but usually our agency does not allow direct placements from the hospital. Most couples don't get their child until the 30-day revocation period has passed. In our case the birthmother requested that we take the baby home from the hospital and we had also hoped we would get that chance. We were willing to take the risk. A lot happens in 30 days!

I will be forever grateful that we got to hold Tommy just 20 minutes after being born. We fed him his first bottle and were present for all the other "firsts" in his life. We took him home from the hospital at just 24 hours old and had the quintessential first night at home. (I was so nervous I didn't sleep a wink!) We have watched him grow and change in this short period of time. We have started bonding and attaching and have gotten used to being a family of three.

This time has been absolute HEAVEN. It's what we waited, hoped and prayed for. And yet I'm still waiting for the moment when it will really sink in and hit me. Over the years I have felt such deep pain, sorrow, frustration and spiritual desolation... I guess I have been expecting the same magnitude of joy and consolation to overwhelm me. I expected that I would much more emotional and I haven't.

I've realized that I need to cut myself a little slack. Being an adoptive, infertile mom after five years of marriage and trying to conceive is complicated. I know that other bloggers have written about this in the past and I remember thinking, "What are you talking about? You're a mom! That's all that matters!"

On one hand there is nothing complicated about it - we have a baby in our house and we are his parents! But on the other hand I think it's going to take my head, heart and emotions a little bit of time to catch-up with the whirlwind that has taken place over the past month and a half.

Our world was rocked - in the best possible way - and in the way we had hoped it would be! But it has still been rocked, and I'm trying to figure out this new identity of mine. Like it or not, being an infertile woman trying to become a mother has ruled my identity. In a way I'm trying to figure out my new self, now that I have "crossed over."

Can you tell I'm still processing all of this? Don't get me wrong - it hasn't been difficult jumping into the practical aspects of being a mother. I always new that it would come easy to me and I LOVE LOVE LOVE every little part of my day taking care of Tommy. Of course it helps that he is the world's best baby! Seriously, everyone is amazed when they meet him how sweet, relaxed, and calm he is. This baby doesn't cry! He just sweetly smacks his lips when he's hungry. :)

We couldn't be any more thrilled with this miracle that has dropped into our laps. I guess now is the first time that I can take a (small) step back and examine all that has happened. I don't want to forget so many of the amazing moments that we have experienced. In addition to being overwhelemed by this precious baby, I have been overwhelmed by the love that has been showered on us by everyone in our lives.

I know that most new parents experience this, but for us it has all happened so quickly. We have been flooded with love, prayers, support, prayers, encouragement, prayers, gifts, meals, visitors, and more prayers! I love that so many people have shared this journey with us. Our little Tommy has touched so many people's lives. I love that God is using our story to touch hearts. After all, isn't that our purpose in life? To be vessels for the Lord to move in this world?

Thank you for all your love, support, and prayers along the way. At this point I can't keep track of who is reading my blog - a lot of "in real life" family and friends have started reading to stay connected to our story. Thank you for journeying with us!

Tommy's First Mass

Tommy went to his first Mass this morning! I have dreamt about this day for years. It was so beautiful to attend Mass as our little family of three. He was awake for most of the Mass and was such a good baby.

I know some of you have asked for a post about the good stuff - how motherhood is going - and I promise that one is coming. I have been waiting until we pass the 30 day mark and we are almost there. Tomorrow is the big day! At 5:00pm the window of time where the birthmother can change her mind will close and I will breath a huge sigh of relief. We are almost there! We have been full of so much joy during this time, but I've also been a bit guarded. It's hard not to be. As many of you know, the adoption won't be final for 6-7 months. But after tomorrow we will just have to worry about social worker visits and paperwork.

We finally finished the nursery, so I will give you a little tour with these pictures.

This is the view as you walk in from the hallway.

To the right is the closet - the doors have been removed since we bought the house 5 years ago. I like having the closet exposed with the shelves below.

The changing table - I love the cute fish hanging above.

My parents' neighbor is an artist and she made this beautiful picture with Tommy's name!

Next is the toy chest, shelf and glider.

I put some Lourdes water and our Lourdes candles on the shelf

I also put a few images of Our Lady and St. Joseph - pray for us!

Last is the crib and quilt hanging above.

All for this sweet little face!

One Month Old

Tommy is four weeks old today! Hard to believe. I have a few videos I thought I'd share, even though I'm sure everyone besides Tommy's grandmas will find them incredibly boring. ;)

There's not too much that a one-month old does... but of course we think every little thing is adorable!

There is something so sweet about him sucking on his binky - Maggie Simpson style.


Getting his morning workout


I was trying to record his attempt at rolling over... you can hear my mother-in-law talking to me when Tommy let's out a big fart! It was so cute. ;) You'll notice my cackling laugh at that point.

Life

Life these days has been crazy. I still can't believe there is a baby in my house!! I am still in complete shock. I haven't been able to do much reflecting (or blogging, as you can tell.)

We have had a whirlwind of visitors so I haven't been on the blogs much at all... I am so behind! Hopefully I can catch up soon because I miss you all when I'm not in the loop.

My parents were here for a week and then a few days later my hubby's parents were here for five days. In addition to all this I have been doing my best to help finish up the school year - Graduation, Closing Mass, report cards, etc. It's been crazy to say the least.

I am still trying to figure out what our new "normal" is going to be like. My husband had been able to take off 6 weeks of work, so it's been wonderful having him home! Although he went into the office today, so I'm getting a glimpse of what my life will be like at home with Tommy. Is this really happening?

We are counting down the days until June 14 - this is when the 30-day window expires. (In our state, the birthmother has 30 days to change her mind.) It's hard not to be nervous during this time, even though I feel confident that everything will be fine. I will breath a huge sigh of relief when we get past this month!

I continue to be overwhelmed by the outpouring of love, support and prayers we have received. I plan to reflect and share more about all this later. For now I will leave you with a few more pictures.

Tommy wearing both USC and Husker gear - which team will he cheer for?

Grandma and Grandpa with Tommy


Tommy trying on his baptismal gown - it was made by his great-great grandmother and worn by his great grandma, grandpa and dad

Visiting with our friends

Test Results

I spoke with the nurse from Dr. S's office today and she gave me the test results from the hormone panel I did last month.

*Side-note - I'm so glad that I was able to get the results over the phone instead of the 2.5 hour drive each way to his office and the out-of-pocket expenses for the visit!

The nurse informed me that after reviewing the bloodwork Dr. S diagnosed me with a Type II Luteal Defect (not surprising) and a Vitamin D deficiency (random.)

I was not surprised to hear about the luteal defect - I have had short cycles and low progesterone post-peak forever! He wants me to take prometrium vaginally and get blookwork done on peak +7 each cycle and then see him in September to review the results.

This is all a bit frustrating to me since I have already tried this treatment for many months. I would have mentioned this to him if we had a face-to-face appointment but at this point, I am consumed with Tommy and I don't mind trying this treatment again. He still wants to schedule surgery and that won't happen until sometime in 2011, so I may as well do something during this time.

Besides general health, does anyone know anything about a Vitamin D deficiency relating to infertility? I get plenty of milk/dairy and as much sun as I can! Although we are just now getting into spring and summer... any thoughts?

I am so thrilled to have Tommy in my life and I haven't even begun to process the fact that I have become a mother. That makes it hard to make decisions right now about future treatment. So I will just take it one step at a time.