Our Christmas here in California was wonderful! Again, I have really lost track of time. I have no clue what day it is. It's so nice to be away and to be in my own little world here on vacation.
I don't have time to write much, but I feel bad that I haven't updated lately. One great thing about my new droid is that I can check email, facebook and blogs all the time! It's not too hard to post a little comment here and there, but I definitely can't write an entire post. So I apologize for reading, barely commenting and not posting.
We had a wonderful time in my parents cabin up in Big Bear. We came back just in time for Christmas Eve. In my family we all get together for Christmas Eve at my aunt's house. We make homemade pizza (the good Italian kind!) and this year we did an ornament exchange. It was fun because we played the game where you can steal each ornament up to three times. It got a little heated at one point because my aunts were fighting for the same one! But overall we had a lot of fun.
Christmas day was lovely and relaxing. My parents spoiled us all with lots of fun gifts. We stayed in our PJs all day, had a yummy brunch, watched a DVD, took a walk, played Cranium, had a yummy dinner and then played cards. It was so great. I have fond memories of all my Christmases growing up, so I enjoyed remembering all those times. I have had some sad moments here and there realizing that another Christmas has come and we are still childless. But mostly I have been enjoying myself and have been a bit distracted.
Yesterday I took my hubby to the airport. I was sad to see him go! I'm glad that I get to extend my trip home a bit longer, but I wish he could stay with me. I really don't like it when we're apart. We had some friends and family over last night to watch the USC bowl game. I'm glad that we won, but it's been such a disappointing season that it was hard to get too excited about it.
Today I went to Mass and brunch with a family from my school. The mom is originally from Southern California and she also went to USC. We have talked about getting together so many times and we finally made it happen. It was great to see them here in California. I taught their oldest daughter a couple of years ago and their youngest daughter is in my seventh grade class now.
The readings and the homily at Mass this morning were so beautiful. Although I was a little distracted and haven't reflected on them yet. I really get out of my prayer routine when I'm on vacation! It always happens when I'm away from home and I feel so guilty, but I think it's just part of being away.
Hopefully I will have more to reflect on later... but that is what I've been up to!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
California
Since we've been in California I have completely lost track of my days. That's one nice thing about being on vacation! I feel like I'm in a different world and that I'm out of touch with my "normal" life. For some reason my world in DC feels really far from my world here. On one hand this is nice because I feel like I have gotten away - I'm taking a break from everything crazy in my life back home. But on the other hand it makes me sad to realize that California isn't my home anymore. I definitely feel like a visitor. I guess that's part of life and living away for so long.
Anyways, it's been wonderful to be here. We really lucked out with the timing of our flight. We left at 6pm on Friday and the big snowstorm started aroud 9pm that night. Part of me was a little sad to miss the big blizzard in DC! But I am so grateful that it didn't effect our flight. If we had scheduled our flight for Saturday, who knows when we would have left town. We definitely would have missed a couple of days here, so I'm grateful that didn't happen!
I'm really curious what our house looks like. We called a neighbor to have them shovel our sidewalk, driveway and porch. I heard that our street got 20 inches - that is so crazy! The DC area doesn't usually get this much snow, especially during December. I think I heard that this storm broke all the records for snow in December. I just hope that my hubby can find our car at the airport! He's coming back a couple of days before me, so he will have to find it and clear it off by himself.
We have had a great time here relaxing and spending time with family and friends. On Saturday we had lunch with my brother and his wife - at In-n-Out, of course! We had to get our fix of these great burgers. :) That night we went to my high school's Madrigal Feast. I was in the choir in high school, so I was involved with this event back then. It just so happens that my best friend's husband is now the choir director at my old school. Such a small world! So it was fun to see what the choir is like now and remember my choir days back in high school. The kids were SO YOUNG! It definitely made me feel very old.
Sunday we just relaxed and had dinner with friends. It's been so great to sleep in and just enjoy the nice weather. Every day my hubby and I have been taking a walk. It's been nice to get some fresh air and exercise - especially since the weather is so warm! It's been in the 70s every day. Although I think today is supposed to be a bit cooler. We've been eating out a lot, so I'm glad to get a least a little exercise for that reason too.
Yesterday I had breakfast with a group of girlfriends and I happened to run into another high school friend while I was out. It's always wonderful to see my friends from all different parts of my life. But again, it always brings with it some mixed emotions. Thankfully the longer I'm gone, the more this becomes my reality. At this point I am used to seeing friends and family only a couple of times a year. We make the most of our time together and stay in touch other ways.
Last night my hubby and I went to visit a fancy old hotel with my parents, aunt, uncle and cousins. They hang Christmas lights all over the property, so it was fun to walk around and explore. We had a fancy dinner afterwards and just strolled around the shops.
Today we are heading up to Big Bear to spend a couple of days in my parents cabin. My brother and his wife are coming too, so it will be nice for us to have some quality time together. It takes about 2 hours to get from my parents house to the cabin up the mountain. They actually got a little snow overnight, so it will be fun to spend a couple of days up there. One of the wonderful things about California is the beauty and diversity. In just a couple of hours we will go from the warm, dry, desert-like weather to the cold, snowy, forest. The pine trees are so beautiful and I can't wait to breath in the fresh, mountain air!
Anyways, it's been wonderful to be here. We really lucked out with the timing of our flight. We left at 6pm on Friday and the big snowstorm started aroud 9pm that night. Part of me was a little sad to miss the big blizzard in DC! But I am so grateful that it didn't effect our flight. If we had scheduled our flight for Saturday, who knows when we would have left town. We definitely would have missed a couple of days here, so I'm grateful that didn't happen!
I'm really curious what our house looks like. We called a neighbor to have them shovel our sidewalk, driveway and porch. I heard that our street got 20 inches - that is so crazy! The DC area doesn't usually get this much snow, especially during December. I think I heard that this storm broke all the records for snow in December. I just hope that my hubby can find our car at the airport! He's coming back a couple of days before me, so he will have to find it and clear it off by himself.
We have had a great time here relaxing and spending time with family and friends. On Saturday we had lunch with my brother and his wife - at In-n-Out, of course! We had to get our fix of these great burgers. :) That night we went to my high school's Madrigal Feast. I was in the choir in high school, so I was involved with this event back then. It just so happens that my best friend's husband is now the choir director at my old school. Such a small world! So it was fun to see what the choir is like now and remember my choir days back in high school. The kids were SO YOUNG! It definitely made me feel very old.
Sunday we just relaxed and had dinner with friends. It's been so great to sleep in and just enjoy the nice weather. Every day my hubby and I have been taking a walk. It's been nice to get some fresh air and exercise - especially since the weather is so warm! It's been in the 70s every day. Although I think today is supposed to be a bit cooler. We've been eating out a lot, so I'm glad to get a least a little exercise for that reason too.
Yesterday I had breakfast with a group of girlfriends and I happened to run into another high school friend while I was out. It's always wonderful to see my friends from all different parts of my life. But again, it always brings with it some mixed emotions. Thankfully the longer I'm gone, the more this becomes my reality. At this point I am used to seeing friends and family only a couple of times a year. We make the most of our time together and stay in touch other ways.
Last night my hubby and I went to visit a fancy old hotel with my parents, aunt, uncle and cousins. They hang Christmas lights all over the property, so it was fun to walk around and explore. We had a fancy dinner afterwards and just strolled around the shops.
Today we are heading up to Big Bear to spend a couple of days in my parents cabin. My brother and his wife are coming too, so it will be nice for us to have some quality time together. It takes about 2 hours to get from my parents house to the cabin up the mountain. They actually got a little snow overnight, so it will be fun to spend a couple of days up there. One of the wonderful things about California is the beauty and diversity. In just a couple of hours we will go from the warm, dry, desert-like weather to the cold, snowy, forest. The pine trees are so beautiful and I can't wait to breath in the fresh, mountain air!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
A few things...
Just three more days until school is out and we head to California!! Can you tell I'm excited? Now that the end is in sight, I'm so ready to leave town and see my family.
Unfortunately, I have lost my lessonplan/gradebook. I feel SO LOST! If you are a teacher, you know how detrimental this is. It's like losing your purse or wallet. I feel like everything is gone!
I'm really mad at myself for losing it, especially since I think I left it at my doctor's office or possibly in the parking lot on Monday. I called to see if anyone turned it in, but no luck. I keep praying to St. Anthony that I will find it! I have been so crazy this week and seriously have been lugging around 4-5 bags at a time - my purse, lunch bag, school bag, bag for gifts, and of course shopping bags from all my errands for the day. I keep searching every bag hoping that it snuck in one of them. Ugh. At least we are just starting a new grading period, so I didn't lose any grades. But all my plans and calendar are gone. :(
I have also felt out of touch because I was missing all my contacts in my phone for a couple of days. We finally got new phones a couple of weeks ago and we love them! (My hubby got the Droid and I got the Droid ERIS.) But we're still figuring out how everything works. Somehow, mysteriously, all my contacts got deleted over the weekend. So I had to go back to the store last night and have them download my contacts from my old phone. Good thing I still had it.
I finally called Dr. Stegman's office yesterday and made an appointment for March 8. I'm not sure why I was dragging my feet so much. It's exciting in a way to have something new to look forward to. But for the most part, it's just depressing. March seems so far away - and yet I'm sure it will be here before I know it and my situation will be the same. I called Tepeyac today to request a copy of my medical records. I'm not sure how much it will cost, but it will be good to have a copy of them. This also means that I have to get back to charting. I have been SUCH a slacker. It's been so freeing to stop charting and I don't want to go back. What's the point? I really don't think charting will give me any new information about my body or my cycles. But I do need at least two months to show Dr. S in March, so I'd better get back to it.
Lifehopes asked me about adoption yesterday, although there's really not too much report. (But thank you for asking!!) It's in the social workers hands now. I'm not sure how long it will take her to write the report, but once the agency reviews it and we review it, it will be finalized. Then we meet with the domestic team to make our profile and scrapbook and officially begin waiting.
I'm hosting my women's prayer group at my house tomorrow night. It will be great to see those ladies and pray together. My friend J is organizing a retreat in Janaury and I'm really looking forward to that. I can't tell you the last time I went on retreat. I know that I could really use the time away to just pray and reflect.
I'm also looking forward to a special trip this spring that my hubby and I are planning. We have talked about taking a pilgrimage for a long time. There are so many wonderful and beautiful places to visit that we had a hard time deciding where and when to go, especially since my school schedule is limiting. This year my spring break happens to fall during Holy Week, so we decided to visit Lourdes, France first and then spend the Triduum in Rome. As I type this, I almost can't believe that we're really going! We've actually had our flights booked for awhile - my hubby is really on top of things - but it doesn't seem real since it's still a few months away.
I am looking forward to this trip for so many reasons. Mostly, it's important to me to make a good pilgrimage. I really want to pray and prepare my heart for visiting these holy places. I am obviously hoping for some kind of miracle healing of my body. But more than that, I truly hope for healing for my heart and soul. I am definitely going to be "dipped" into the water in Lourdes and it's tempting to hope that it will immediately cure my infertility. That's not such a bad thing, right? But I also want to guard my heart from thinking this way too much. It's hard to find the right balance. As always my prayer must be, "Thy will be done."
Well, this post was all over the place. I hope and pray that everyone is having a blessed Advent!
Unfortunately, I have lost my lessonplan/gradebook. I feel SO LOST! If you are a teacher, you know how detrimental this is. It's like losing your purse or wallet. I feel like everything is gone!
I'm really mad at myself for losing it, especially since I think I left it at my doctor's office or possibly in the parking lot on Monday. I called to see if anyone turned it in, but no luck. I keep praying to St. Anthony that I will find it! I have been so crazy this week and seriously have been lugging around 4-5 bags at a time - my purse, lunch bag, school bag, bag for gifts, and of course shopping bags from all my errands for the day. I keep searching every bag hoping that it snuck in one of them. Ugh. At least we are just starting a new grading period, so I didn't lose any grades. But all my plans and calendar are gone. :(
I have also felt out of touch because I was missing all my contacts in my phone for a couple of days. We finally got new phones a couple of weeks ago and we love them! (My hubby got the Droid and I got the Droid ERIS.) But we're still figuring out how everything works. Somehow, mysteriously, all my contacts got deleted over the weekend. So I had to go back to the store last night and have them download my contacts from my old phone. Good thing I still had it.
I finally called Dr. Stegman's office yesterday and made an appointment for March 8. I'm not sure why I was dragging my feet so much. It's exciting in a way to have something new to look forward to. But for the most part, it's just depressing. March seems so far away - and yet I'm sure it will be here before I know it and my situation will be the same. I called Tepeyac today to request a copy of my medical records. I'm not sure how much it will cost, but it will be good to have a copy of them. This also means that I have to get back to charting. I have been SUCH a slacker. It's been so freeing to stop charting and I don't want to go back. What's the point? I really don't think charting will give me any new information about my body or my cycles. But I do need at least two months to show Dr. S in March, so I'd better get back to it.
Lifehopes asked me about adoption yesterday, although there's really not too much report. (But thank you for asking!!) It's in the social workers hands now. I'm not sure how long it will take her to write the report, but once the agency reviews it and we review it, it will be finalized. Then we meet with the domestic team to make our profile and scrapbook and officially begin waiting.
I'm hosting my women's prayer group at my house tomorrow night. It will be great to see those ladies and pray together. My friend J is organizing a retreat in Janaury and I'm really looking forward to that. I can't tell you the last time I went on retreat. I know that I could really use the time away to just pray and reflect.
I'm also looking forward to a special trip this spring that my hubby and I are planning. We have talked about taking a pilgrimage for a long time. There are so many wonderful and beautiful places to visit that we had a hard time deciding where and when to go, especially since my school schedule is limiting. This year my spring break happens to fall during Holy Week, so we decided to visit Lourdes, France first and then spend the Triduum in Rome. As I type this, I almost can't believe that we're really going! We've actually had our flights booked for awhile - my hubby is really on top of things - but it doesn't seem real since it's still a few months away.
I am looking forward to this trip for so many reasons. Mostly, it's important to me to make a good pilgrimage. I really want to pray and prepare my heart for visiting these holy places. I am obviously hoping for some kind of miracle healing of my body. But more than that, I truly hope for healing for my heart and soul. I am definitely going to be "dipped" into the water in Lourdes and it's tempting to hope that it will immediately cure my infertility. That's not such a bad thing, right? But I also want to guard my heart from thinking this way too much. It's hard to find the right balance. As always my prayer must be, "Thy will be done."
Well, this post was all over the place. I hope and pray that everyone is having a blessed Advent!
Monday, December 14, 2009
Follow Up
I had my follow-up appointment with Dr. C this afternoon. It was pretty quick. The pathology report confirmed that indeed I did have a polyp. I didn't realize that there was any doubt! But I guess the pathology confirmed that's what was removed and nothing else. I wasn't sure if this appointment required a pelvic exam, but it did. Ugh. I'm seriously over those.
As usual the office was busy with pregnant patients. I was pretty tired and feeling in a bit of a fog. I didn't have any "agenda" for this appointment. I wasn't going to ask for any new treatments or see what she thinks I should do next. Although, I thought Dr. C asked a couple of interesting questions. First she asked if I have been having any cramps. I said that I did have some after the surgery, but apparently she was asking more generally. She said, "Well, I'm just wondering if the endometriosis is back." Ahh!! Not what I want to hear! I told her that I never had very painful periods to begin with. I guess she's just still baffled by my infertility and she's looking for signs of another problem.
She also asked me if we had discussed injections yet. I said that we had, but never discussed a timeline. She suggested that I continue with Tamoxifen for two more months and see what happens. That was fine by me. I don't feel very strongly about it one way or the other.
I'm just so tired of it all. I have this sense that it's completely out of my hands - and the doctor's hands. It's in God's hands. I think that we have (almost) done everything we can in terms of treatment. Our situation feels so much bigger than anything I can do about it. Does that make sense? I feel like all I can do is just wait on the Lord. That's it.
So Dr. C wrote a presciption for Tamoxifen, but since I'm on cycle day 9 I won't be able to take it until next month. I had already filled my prescription for Endometrin, so I think I will take it this month. I do think my luteal phase could use a little support, so I'm going to stick with that. As she was walking out the door she says, "If you get 15 days past ovulation, you know what do to!" I'm glad that at least she's hopeful. After she left I realized that I should probably ask for bloodwork orders, but I didn't chase after her. I figured that I'll be in California anyways. I will worry about it next cycle.
The countdown is on for Christmas break! I'm really looking forward to going "home" for Christmas. If nothing else it will be nice to have a change of pace and scenery. As soon as I get all my wrapping and shipping done, I will feel like I'm almost there. Maybe by tomorrow I'll be finished.
As usual the office was busy with pregnant patients. I was pretty tired and feeling in a bit of a fog. I didn't have any "agenda" for this appointment. I wasn't going to ask for any new treatments or see what she thinks I should do next. Although, I thought Dr. C asked a couple of interesting questions. First she asked if I have been having any cramps. I said that I did have some after the surgery, but apparently she was asking more generally. She said, "Well, I'm just wondering if the endometriosis is back." Ahh!! Not what I want to hear! I told her that I never had very painful periods to begin with. I guess she's just still baffled by my infertility and she's looking for signs of another problem.
She also asked me if we had discussed injections yet. I said that we had, but never discussed a timeline. She suggested that I continue with Tamoxifen for two more months and see what happens. That was fine by me. I don't feel very strongly about it one way or the other.
I'm just so tired of it all. I have this sense that it's completely out of my hands - and the doctor's hands. It's in God's hands. I think that we have (almost) done everything we can in terms of treatment. Our situation feels so much bigger than anything I can do about it. Does that make sense? I feel like all I can do is just wait on the Lord. That's it.
So Dr. C wrote a presciption for Tamoxifen, but since I'm on cycle day 9 I won't be able to take it until next month. I had already filled my prescription for Endometrin, so I think I will take it this month. I do think my luteal phase could use a little support, so I'm going to stick with that. As she was walking out the door she says, "If you get 15 days past ovulation, you know what do to!" I'm glad that at least she's hopeful. After she left I realized that I should probably ask for bloodwork orders, but I didn't chase after her. I figured that I'll be in California anyways. I will worry about it next cycle.
The countdown is on for Christmas break! I'm really looking forward to going "home" for Christmas. If nothing else it will be nice to have a change of pace and scenery. As soon as I get all my wrapping and shipping done, I will feel like I'm almost there. Maybe by tomorrow I'll be finished.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
BUSY
I know this time of year is busy for everyone, but I'm started to feel a bit overwhelmed! There is so much going on and I'm just trying to get it all done. I think I'm feeling crazy because I've got to get everything done by next Friday... we have a half-day at school and then we're flying to California that night. I can't wait! I'm ready for a change of scenery and a change of pace.
I'm really trying to live the true spirit of Advent, but it's hard to slow down. Things are super crazy at school with prayer services, Masses, report cards, parties, etc. Then of course there's all the Christmas decorating, shopping, baking, wrapping, shipping, card-writing, etc. I've got music for church, youth group on Sunday nights, and my women's prayer group coming over on Thursday. This morning we had friends over for brunch (we've been trying to hang out with them for awhile) and dinner plans with other friends tonight. I'm thankful to be busy with good things, but I feel like I'm running all over the place. Oh, and my cold symptoms have been lingering.
I have been inspired by the readings at Mass this week. Every morning I have thought of good, reflective posts on my drive to school... and then I haven't had the time to write them! Maybe tomorrow I will find some time to reflect. The words of Isaiah have given me encouragement and inspiration.
Also I've been showing "The Nativity Story" to my students at school. Has anyone seen this movie? It's so good! I have been tearing up while watching it with my classes. It's such a beautiful portrayal of Joseph and Mary. Even if all the details aren't historically accurate, it helps to imagine what it was really like.
Now I'm off to get a few things done...
I'm really trying to live the true spirit of Advent, but it's hard to slow down. Things are super crazy at school with prayer services, Masses, report cards, parties, etc. Then of course there's all the Christmas decorating, shopping, baking, wrapping, shipping, card-writing, etc. I've got music for church, youth group on Sunday nights, and my women's prayer group coming over on Thursday. This morning we had friends over for brunch (we've been trying to hang out with them for awhile) and dinner plans with other friends tonight. I'm thankful to be busy with good things, but I feel like I'm running all over the place. Oh, and my cold symptoms have been lingering.
I have been inspired by the readings at Mass this week. Every morning I have thought of good, reflective posts on my drive to school... and then I haven't had the time to write them! Maybe tomorrow I will find some time to reflect. The words of Isaiah have given me encouragement and inspiration.
Also I've been showing "The Nativity Story" to my students at school. Has anyone seen this movie? It's so good! I have been tearing up while watching it with my classes. It's such a beautiful portrayal of Joseph and Mary. Even if all the details aren't historically accurate, it helps to imagine what it was really like.
Now I'm off to get a few things done...
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Sick, Snow, Football, Cycle
Thankfully my cold seems to be going away. It would be great if I didn't have to blow my nose all day at school tomorrow! I was still struggling this morning, so I wasn't able to sing at my usual Masses. But I was glad to stay in and keep warm. It snowed all day yesterday and has been pretty chilly around here. It's much more fun to enjoy it from the inside. We are headed off to youth group in just a bit, so I hope I have enough energy for them. It should be fine, but I hate going out when it's cold and dark already!
It's always fun to get the first snow of the year. Being from California I am still enamored by it. My husband, being from the Midwest, is not. :) He doesn't enjoy the snow as much... and I'm sure in February or March the charm will have worn off for me too.
I won't say too much about football, except that I'm actually glad this season is over. (Usually this is my favorite time of the year!) My team ended up with a disappointing season - including yesterdays loss. It was a sad night in our house because my hubby's team lost a HEART-BREAKER with one second left in the game. At least they are getting better than they have been in the past couple of years. *Sigh* We will be loyal (to our teams!) in good times and in bad. ;)
In cycle news, I started bleeding again today. I had a couple of days of bleeding and spotting after my surgery and then a couple of dry days. I'm wondering if this is my "usual" period. It is day 26 and Dr. C said that my cycle after surgery would be a very light flow since they had removed most of the endometrium. My follow-up appointment with her is next Monday, so I will ask about it then. I had been wondering how I would know a new cycle had started. Maybe this is it? Any advice?
It's always fun to get the first snow of the year. Being from California I am still enamored by it. My husband, being from the Midwest, is not. :) He doesn't enjoy the snow as much... and I'm sure in February or March the charm will have worn off for me too.
I won't say too much about football, except that I'm actually glad this season is over. (Usually this is my favorite time of the year!) My team ended up with a disappointing season - including yesterdays loss. It was a sad night in our house because my hubby's team lost a HEART-BREAKER with one second left in the game. At least they are getting better than they have been in the past couple of years. *Sigh* We will be loyal (to our teams!) in good times and in bad. ;)
In cycle news, I started bleeding again today. I had a couple of days of bleeding and spotting after my surgery and then a couple of dry days. I'm wondering if this is my "usual" period. It is day 26 and Dr. C said that my cycle after surgery would be a very light flow since they had removed most of the endometrium. My follow-up appointment with her is next Monday, so I will ask about it then. I had been wondering how I would know a new cycle had started. Maybe this is it? Any advice?
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Final SW Visit
Last night was the final visit by our adoption social worker. Thankfully it was pretty quick and easy - especially since I have a nasty cold right now. I wasn't up for too much more.
I knew that she was going to take a tour of the house, but she had warned me that it wasn't a big deal. Basically she just needs to describe the layout of the house in the homestudy. I'm glad I didn't go too crazy cleaning because she literally just peaked into every room and that was it.
We went through a few final questions. She asked us about the waiting period - how were we going to spend that time? Have we researched pediatricians yet? How much time is my hubby planning to take off when the baby comes? What are our expectations and fears?
I tried my best to answer her questions, but it all seems so unreal. I think because we have already been waiting so long, my heart is pretty guarded against these practical considerations. My mind doesn't go there. But she was basically telling us that we have to start thinking about these things. I know there is a chance that things can move very fast, but again my heart doesn't really believe that. I have prepared myself for a long wait.
So after she writes our homestudy, the agency will review it, then we will review it and then it will be finalized. Next we will meet with the domestic team at our agency and get our profile and scrapbook together. (In addition to writing them a big check.) Then we will be officially waiting! I have no idea how long it will all take. Maybe January??? Who knows.
The DC infertility support group is meeting this morning and I'm sad that I will have to miss out because of my cold. Four new ladies are coming, so I hope it goes well. I slept for about 10 hours last night and I don't think I'll be leaving the couch today. I'm hoping to get rid of this cold by the end of the weekend.
I really can't believe that December is here and flying by already. It's going to be a mad-dash to the finish for me with school and youth group and everything else we have going on. As soon as school gets out we are heading to California for Christmas. I absolutely cannot wait!
I knew that she was going to take a tour of the house, but she had warned me that it wasn't a big deal. Basically she just needs to describe the layout of the house in the homestudy. I'm glad I didn't go too crazy cleaning because she literally just peaked into every room and that was it.
We went through a few final questions. She asked us about the waiting period - how were we going to spend that time? Have we researched pediatricians yet? How much time is my hubby planning to take off when the baby comes? What are our expectations and fears?
I tried my best to answer her questions, but it all seems so unreal. I think because we have already been waiting so long, my heart is pretty guarded against these practical considerations. My mind doesn't go there. But she was basically telling us that we have to start thinking about these things. I know there is a chance that things can move very fast, but again my heart doesn't really believe that. I have prepared myself for a long wait.
So after she writes our homestudy, the agency will review it, then we will review it and then it will be finalized. Next we will meet with the domestic team at our agency and get our profile and scrapbook together. (In addition to writing them a big check.) Then we will be officially waiting! I have no idea how long it will all take. Maybe January??? Who knows.
The DC infertility support group is meeting this morning and I'm sad that I will have to miss out because of my cold. Four new ladies are coming, so I hope it goes well. I slept for about 10 hours last night and I don't think I'll be leaving the couch today. I'm hoping to get rid of this cold by the end of the weekend.
I really can't believe that December is here and flying by already. It's going to be a mad-dash to the finish for me with school and youth group and everything else we have going on. As soon as school gets out we are heading to California for Christmas. I absolutely cannot wait!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Polyp Removal
The polyp is gone! Yesterday's procedure went well. For the most part it was very easy. My surgery was scheduled for 11:15 and they ask you to arrive two hours early. I remember a lot of sitting around last year, so my hubby and I brought along plenty of things to read.
After I checked in and was hanging out in the waiting room for awhile, I was surprised they hadn't called me back yet. Finally a nurse came out and told me that Dr. C was going to be delayed because of an emergency C-section she was doing over in maternity. I had to laugh at the irony... of course the barren girl can wait! :)
It wasn't a big deal, but when Dr. C came to see me and apologized for being late, I couldn't help but think that she had JUST delivered a baby. Somewhere, on a different floor, some couple was rejoicing in the gift of new life. Dr. C's hands had just placed a new baby in it's mothers arms. And here I am, having another procedure done, without even knowing if this will help restore my fertility or not. I didn't have long to reflect on all this, but the thought did cross my mind.
Overall I was more impressed with the nursing staff than I was last year. They were very competent and had much better bedside manners. The first nurse was actually a patient at Tepeyac as well. So we chatted about that. She even kept me distracted while the other nurse started my IV in my hand. I forgot how painful that is! I think that was the worst part of the whole procedure.
Everything else was pretty straight forward. They got the first round of drugs going while they rolled me back and I don't remember anything after I moved myself onto the operating table. I woke up easily, had a snack, used the bathroom and we were on our way home.
I remember last year I became obsessed with saltine crackers and ginger ale after my surgery. They tasted so good in recovery! There's just something about comfort food. This year I was prepared and stocked up on both. We also stopped at Panera on our way home and I got chicken noodle soup in a bread bowl. YUM! We came home, watched a movie and I just relaxed for the rest of the night. For the most part I felt fine - just groggy and I had a bit of a sore throat. I guess they use a breathing tube as part of the anesthesia, so that left me feeling a little scratchy.
My hubby does such a good job taking care of me. He is always very sweet and affectionate towards me - that's just the way he is. But there's something nice about a little extra TLC. I know that he wishes I didn't have to go through all this stuff and he doesn't like seeing me in the hospital. These moments remind me how blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband.
I will call today to make my follow-up appointment. I can't imagine that we'll have too much to discuss. They send the polyp to pathology, but I'm expecting that to come back normal. She met briefly with my hubby after the surgery and she didn't mention finding anything else. I guess we can talk about what's next. Although I have to admit, I feel like jumping on the Dr. S train. I know that a lot of ladies are making appointments with him and I'm starting to wonder if I should too.
After I checked in and was hanging out in the waiting room for awhile, I was surprised they hadn't called me back yet. Finally a nurse came out and told me that Dr. C was going to be delayed because of an emergency C-section she was doing over in maternity. I had to laugh at the irony... of course the barren girl can wait! :)
It wasn't a big deal, but when Dr. C came to see me and apologized for being late, I couldn't help but think that she had JUST delivered a baby. Somewhere, on a different floor, some couple was rejoicing in the gift of new life. Dr. C's hands had just placed a new baby in it's mothers arms. And here I am, having another procedure done, without even knowing if this will help restore my fertility or not. I didn't have long to reflect on all this, but the thought did cross my mind.
Overall I was more impressed with the nursing staff than I was last year. They were very competent and had much better bedside manners. The first nurse was actually a patient at Tepeyac as well. So we chatted about that. She even kept me distracted while the other nurse started my IV in my hand. I forgot how painful that is! I think that was the worst part of the whole procedure.
Everything else was pretty straight forward. They got the first round of drugs going while they rolled me back and I don't remember anything after I moved myself onto the operating table. I woke up easily, had a snack, used the bathroom and we were on our way home.
I remember last year I became obsessed with saltine crackers and ginger ale after my surgery. They tasted so good in recovery! There's just something about comfort food. This year I was prepared and stocked up on both. We also stopped at Panera on our way home and I got chicken noodle soup in a bread bowl. YUM! We came home, watched a movie and I just relaxed for the rest of the night. For the most part I felt fine - just groggy and I had a bit of a sore throat. I guess they use a breathing tube as part of the anesthesia, so that left me feeling a little scratchy.
My hubby does such a good job taking care of me. He is always very sweet and affectionate towards me - that's just the way he is. But there's something nice about a little extra TLC. I know that he wishes I didn't have to go through all this stuff and he doesn't like seeing me in the hospital. These moments remind me how blessed I am to have such a wonderful husband.
I will call today to make my follow-up appointment. I can't imagine that we'll have too much to discuss. They send the polyp to pathology, but I'm expecting that to come back normal. She met briefly with my hubby after the surgery and she didn't mention finding anything else. I guess we can talk about what's next. Although I have to admit, I feel like jumping on the Dr. S train. I know that a lot of ladies are making appointments with him and I'm starting to wonder if I should too.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Thanksgiving
We have had a wonderful and relaxing Thanksgiving weekend. It's been so great to stay home and host my in-laws. I was a little crazy last weekend before they arrived - trying to get everything together. But once they got here on Tuesday night it's been so great and relaxing.
Wednesday I did some cooking and baking to be ready for our Thanksgiving feast. That night we saw "Jersey Boys" downtown at the National Theater. It was so good! I usually prefer the more classical shows and I thought that this would be a concert without any storyline. But they did a great job of telling the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, in addition to have all the great songs. The cast was really talented.
Thursday we got the turkey in the oven early and had our feast around 2:00pm. We kept everything pretty simple - but had all the yummy fixings. I was really pleased with how everything turned out! Everyone took a nap afterwards, watched some football and later that night we watched a movie. It was perfect!
Enjoying some appetizers
Thanksgiving dinner
Friday I did a little shopping with my mother-in-law. We didn't go super early and just went to a few stores, so that was nice. Mostly we were shopping for my Christmas gift. My hubby and I are still trying to finish decorating our family room and we needed some things for the mantel. We found a mirror and these beautiful pillar-candle holders. It was just what I wanted! Later we had friends over to watch the Nebraska game.
This afternoon we're going to the movies and tonight we will watch the USC game. It's been such a great, relaxing weekend!! I'm trying to enjoy it all because it's going to be a crazy three weeks until Christmas break.
Wednesday I did some cooking and baking to be ready for our Thanksgiving feast. That night we saw "Jersey Boys" downtown at the National Theater. It was so good! I usually prefer the more classical shows and I thought that this would be a concert without any storyline. But they did a great job of telling the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, in addition to have all the great songs. The cast was really talented.
Thursday we got the turkey in the oven early and had our feast around 2:00pm. We kept everything pretty simple - but had all the yummy fixings. I was really pleased with how everything turned out! Everyone took a nap afterwards, watched some football and later that night we watched a movie. It was perfect!
Enjoying some appetizers
Thanksgiving dinner
Friday I did a little shopping with my mother-in-law. We didn't go super early and just went to a few stores, so that was nice. Mostly we were shopping for my Christmas gift. My hubby and I are still trying to finish decorating our family room and we needed some things for the mantel. We found a mirror and these beautiful pillar-candle holders. It was just what I wanted! Later we had friends over to watch the Nebraska game.
This afternoon we're going to the movies and tonight we will watch the USC game. It's been such a great, relaxing weekend!! I'm trying to enjoy it all because it's going to be a crazy three weeks until Christmas break.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Pre-Op Appointment
I had my pre-op appointment with Dr. L this morning. Actually, I should say I had my appointment with Dr. C. (L is her first initial and C is her last initial.) When I signed in at the front desk they informed me that she prefers to be called Dr. C and not Dr. L. I heard them say this to other patients who arrived, so I guess they are trying to spread the word. It's not that big of a deal, but I find it strange that after two years in the office she is now making a point about this!
Anyways, my appointment was pretty straight forward. She did an exam and talked about the procedure. I had to sign the consent forms and tomorrow I will talk to the hospital nurse about the logistics. The surgery is a week from tomorrow and I will be glad to get the polyp removed. I'm not sure if any changes will come from this, but I can hope.
While I was in the office they offered the H1N1 vaccine. I was pleasantly surprised and decided to get it. I keep hearing about how difficult it is to find, so I took advantage of the opportunity.
Unfortunately this appointment took up MUCH more of my day than I had expected. The office was super crowded. Since I had arrived a little early, I spent about 1 1/2 hours total in the office. Then I hit really bad traffic and it took over an hour to get back to school. I missed one of my classes, was late to our special Thanksgiving lunch and overall felt flustered for the rest of the day.
It's moments like these when I am SO OVER infertility. Why must I spend so much of my life running around to doctor's appointments? I wish I could calculate how many hours and miles I have spent going to the office. I'm sure it would be a TON!
Tomorrow will be a busy day at school, but then I will be off for the week. My in-laws arrive in the evening and will be here for the long weekend. I've been frantically trying to get my house in order, and for the most part I think it's ready. I'm looking forward to some rest and relaxation this week.
I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!
Anyways, my appointment was pretty straight forward. She did an exam and talked about the procedure. I had to sign the consent forms and tomorrow I will talk to the hospital nurse about the logistics. The surgery is a week from tomorrow and I will be glad to get the polyp removed. I'm not sure if any changes will come from this, but I can hope.
While I was in the office they offered the H1N1 vaccine. I was pleasantly surprised and decided to get it. I keep hearing about how difficult it is to find, so I took advantage of the opportunity.
Unfortunately this appointment took up MUCH more of my day than I had expected. The office was super crowded. Since I had arrived a little early, I spent about 1 1/2 hours total in the office. Then I hit really bad traffic and it took over an hour to get back to school. I missed one of my classes, was late to our special Thanksgiving lunch and overall felt flustered for the rest of the day.
It's moments like these when I am SO OVER infertility. Why must I spend so much of my life running around to doctor's appointments? I wish I could calculate how many hours and miles I have spent going to the office. I'm sure it would be a TON!
Tomorrow will be a busy day at school, but then I will be off for the week. My in-laws arrive in the evening and will be here for the long weekend. I've been frantically trying to get my house in order, and for the most part I think it's ready. I'm looking forward to some rest and relaxation this week.
I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Amazing Morning
The talk this morning with Dr. B and Dr. L was wonderful!
We had advertised this event in all the parishes of the archdiocese. My intention was to reach infertile couples, so I was surprised at the number of other people who attended the talk as well. It turned out to be a great group with a variety of perspectives on this issue.
There were twenty-four of us in total - women from the DC support group, husbands, friends, two priests, a Creighton practitioner, another physician (who is trained in the Creighton model,) and pro-life Catholics who were just interested in the topic.
Dr. B started by having everyone introduce themselves and briefly explain their infertility history. He had prepared a nice powerpoint presentation, but unfortunately he had to rush through most of it. We started a bit late and it took awhile to go around the room. I think it was good to start that way, but unfortunately it cut into the main presentation time. (And he had to leave at 11:15.)
Dr. B briefly introduced himself and his practice, talked about the culture of OB-Gyn medicine in our world today and why Catholics need to do a better job of promoting our beliefs - especially in the medical field. He talked about the main causes of infertility and options for treatment. He really tried to gear his talk to the needs of the infertile couples present, so he left plenty of time for questions and answers. He recognized the great need for support and truly seemed happy to be with us.
Dr. L chimed in once in awhile, answered some questions and gave her perspective. I'm not exactly sure why Dr. B invited her to come. He mentioned that they don't usually do speaking engagements together, so maybe he is trying to do more of that. Before the talk began she told me that her flight from Chicago was delayed and she didn't get home until 2:00am this morning! It was so kind of her to join us.
After Dr. B and Dr. L left I put in a plug for our support group. We ended up having a nice discussion about the need for support and good treatment. The priests asked us how they could be more pastoral to couples going through infertility. I only wish EVERY priest were there to hear our responses! It was a beautiful conversation. We got off on a bit of a tangent talking about IVF towards the end, but we closed with a lovely prayer in which people shared their intentions.
At one point during our conversation we were talking about infertility as a kind of grief and mourning. One woman (not infertile) said something about how we shouldn't mourn anything yet because our chances are so good for conceiving. My friend M responded with a heartfelt perspective on how difficult this road has already been for us - no matter if or when we conceive. She was crying while she spoke and the rest of us infertile women had tears in our eyes too. It was such a poignant moment in which our suffering and grief was tangible. Everyone was quiet for a moment and we were united in our silent tears. Even though we barely know each other, we are deeply connected through our common experience.
I was so overwhelmed by the whole morning. I was pleased that it came together, I was saddened to think about all the other couples struggling to conceive, I was frustrated to think about the poor medical care that so many couples are receiving and yet I was excited about the community that we are forming. I was emotional to say the least.
I hope and pray that our group can get together again soon!
We had advertised this event in all the parishes of the archdiocese. My intention was to reach infertile couples, so I was surprised at the number of other people who attended the talk as well. It turned out to be a great group with a variety of perspectives on this issue.
There were twenty-four of us in total - women from the DC support group, husbands, friends, two priests, a Creighton practitioner, another physician (who is trained in the Creighton model,) and pro-life Catholics who were just interested in the topic.
Dr. B started by having everyone introduce themselves and briefly explain their infertility history. He had prepared a nice powerpoint presentation, but unfortunately he had to rush through most of it. We started a bit late and it took awhile to go around the room. I think it was good to start that way, but unfortunately it cut into the main presentation time. (And he had to leave at 11:15.)
Dr. B briefly introduced himself and his practice, talked about the culture of OB-Gyn medicine in our world today and why Catholics need to do a better job of promoting our beliefs - especially in the medical field. He talked about the main causes of infertility and options for treatment. He really tried to gear his talk to the needs of the infertile couples present, so he left plenty of time for questions and answers. He recognized the great need for support and truly seemed happy to be with us.
Dr. L chimed in once in awhile, answered some questions and gave her perspective. I'm not exactly sure why Dr. B invited her to come. He mentioned that they don't usually do speaking engagements together, so maybe he is trying to do more of that. Before the talk began she told me that her flight from Chicago was delayed and she didn't get home until 2:00am this morning! It was so kind of her to join us.
After Dr. B and Dr. L left I put in a plug for our support group. We ended up having a nice discussion about the need for support and good treatment. The priests asked us how they could be more pastoral to couples going through infertility. I only wish EVERY priest were there to hear our responses! It was a beautiful conversation. We got off on a bit of a tangent talking about IVF towards the end, but we closed with a lovely prayer in which people shared their intentions.
At one point during our conversation we were talking about infertility as a kind of grief and mourning. One woman (not infertile) said something about how we shouldn't mourn anything yet because our chances are so good for conceiving. My friend M responded with a heartfelt perspective on how difficult this road has already been for us - no matter if or when we conceive. She was crying while she spoke and the rest of us infertile women had tears in our eyes too. It was such a poignant moment in which our suffering and grief was tangible. Everyone was quiet for a moment and we were united in our silent tears. Even though we barely know each other, we are deeply connected through our common experience.
I was so overwhelmed by the whole morning. I was pleased that it came together, I was saddened to think about all the other couples struggling to conceive, I was frustrated to think about the poor medical care that so many couples are receiving and yet I was excited about the community that we are forming. I was emotional to say the least.
I hope and pray that our group can get together again soon!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Five Years Ago Today...
Five years ago today... my dear sweet husband proposed to me! It seems like it was just yesterday. Where does the time go?
Although it wasn't a complete surprise, it was a romantic night that I will remember for the rest of my life! The Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts has always been a special place to us... we spent lots of time there while we were just "friends" and dating. Not only do we love theater, but the building itself is beautiful. It sits right on the Potomac River and the rooftop has this incredible view of downtown DC, the monuments, Georgetown and Arlington.
He took me to the rooftop, gave this incredibly romantic speech and then got down on one knee. (He claims that I made him stay down there forever - but I don't remember it that way!) I immediately said yes and of course I was crying. We had an amazing dinner at the fancy rooftop restaurant. It was perfect!
The reason it wasn't a surprise is mostly due to logistics. I am very traditional and it was important to me that my husband talk to my parents before he proposed. Since they live in California, we had to schedule a trip out there. We spent a whirlwind weekend there - it began with him talking to my parents and ended with us scoping out reception sites. :) It all came together perfectly.
I am so lucky to have such a wonderful partner in life. My husband is a man of character and virtue, he is faithful and kind, he is loving and sensitive, he provides for me and takes care of me, and I love being married to him. We enjoy each other's company no matter what we're doing. He always takes me on adventures and I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together! Thank you honey for being such a wonderful husband. Thank you God for bringing him to me.
Although it wasn't a complete surprise, it was a romantic night that I will remember for the rest of my life! The Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts has always been a special place to us... we spent lots of time there while we were just "friends" and dating. Not only do we love theater, but the building itself is beautiful. It sits right on the Potomac River and the rooftop has this incredible view of downtown DC, the monuments, Georgetown and Arlington.
He took me to the rooftop, gave this incredibly romantic speech and then got down on one knee. (He claims that I made him stay down there forever - but I don't remember it that way!) I immediately said yes and of course I was crying. We had an amazing dinner at the fancy rooftop restaurant. It was perfect!
The reason it wasn't a surprise is mostly due to logistics. I am very traditional and it was important to me that my husband talk to my parents before he proposed. Since they live in California, we had to schedule a trip out there. We spent a whirlwind weekend there - it began with him talking to my parents and ended with us scoping out reception sites. :) It all came together perfectly.
I am so lucky to have such a wonderful partner in life. My husband is a man of character and virtue, he is faithful and kind, he is loving and sensitive, he provides for me and takes care of me, and I love being married to him. We enjoy each other's company no matter what we're doing. He always takes me on adventures and I look forward to spending the rest of our lives together! Thank you honey for being such a wonderful husband. Thank you God for bringing him to me.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
St. Joseph
Yesterday I led our faculty prayer group in an Advent reflection on St. Joseph. I know Advent isn't here quite yet, but this was one of the only dates we could schedule.
I haven't had much of a devotion to St. Joseph before, but I felt drawn to him this week. I realized that poor St. Joseph often gets forgotten. Of course when your family includes Mary and Jesus, you can see how that would happen! I received a beautiful book on St. Joseph for my birthday and I used it in our prayer group. It tells the story of St. Joseph and describes many devotions and prayers to him.
I also found this great video reflection. I thought you might enjoy watching it.
St. Joseph, pray for us.
I haven't had much of a devotion to St. Joseph before, but I felt drawn to him this week. I realized that poor St. Joseph often gets forgotten. Of course when your family includes Mary and Jesus, you can see how that would happen! I received a beautiful book on St. Joseph for my birthday and I used it in our prayer group. It tells the story of St. Joseph and describes many devotions and prayers to him.
I also found this great video reflection. I thought you might enjoy watching it.
St. Joseph, pray for us.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
St. Elizabeth of Hungary
After following Sew's recommendation of this blog, I was given St. Elizabeth of Hungary as my patron saint for 2010. Today is her feast day, so I looked up a bit of information about her.
She was born in 1207 and was the daughter of the King of Hungary. She married young and had three children. Unfortunately her husband died after six years of marriage and his family kicked her out of the castle. They didn't like her because she was always giving money to the poor.
She is known for not complaining about her sufferings; she accepted the sorrows just as she had accepted joys from God. I am hoping that she will help me do the same by praying to her!
She died young - at the age of 24 - and she is the patron saint of bakers. (And I love to bake!)
I found this little reflection about her:
Elizabeth understood well the lesson Jesus taught when he washed his disciples' feet at the Last Supper: The Christian must be one who serves the humblest needs of others, even if one serves from an exalted position. Of royal blood, Elizabeth could have lorded it over her subjects. Yet she served them with such a loving heart that her brief life won for her a special place in the hearts of many.
Elizabeth is also an example to us in her following the guidance of a spiritual director. Growth in the spiritual life is a difficult process. We can play games very easily if we don't have someone to challenge us or to share experiences so as to help us avoid pitfalls.
St. Elizabeth, pray for me.
In other news, I've been emailing with Dr. B today to confirm all the plans for Saturday. It turns out that he's bringing Dr. L with him too! I really hope that we get a good turnout. In his email to me today he said, "You rock, and you are a vehicle for healing." Ha ha... I had to laugh at that!
She was born in 1207 and was the daughter of the King of Hungary. She married young and had three children. Unfortunately her husband died after six years of marriage and his family kicked her out of the castle. They didn't like her because she was always giving money to the poor.
She is known for not complaining about her sufferings; she accepted the sorrows just as she had accepted joys from God. I am hoping that she will help me do the same by praying to her!
She died young - at the age of 24 - and she is the patron saint of bakers. (And I love to bake!)
I found this little reflection about her:
Elizabeth understood well the lesson Jesus taught when he washed his disciples' feet at the Last Supper: The Christian must be one who serves the humblest needs of others, even if one serves from an exalted position. Of royal blood, Elizabeth could have lorded it over her subjects. Yet she served them with such a loving heart that her brief life won for her a special place in the hearts of many.
Elizabeth is also an example to us in her following the guidance of a spiritual director. Growth in the spiritual life is a difficult process. We can play games very easily if we don't have someone to challenge us or to share experiences so as to help us avoid pitfalls.
St. Elizabeth, pray for me.
In other news, I've been emailing with Dr. B today to confirm all the plans for Saturday. It turns out that he's bringing Dr. L with him too! I really hope that we get a good turnout. In his email to me today he said, "You rock, and you are a vehicle for healing." Ha ha... I had to laugh at that!
Monday, November 16, 2009
Weekend Update
Do any of you watch Saturday Night Live? The title of my post makes me think about the hilarious Weekend Update segment - it's my favorite part of SNL!
I'll start with the bad news first. My team lost this weekend. REALLY badly. Ugh, it was so ugly. I'm sad to admit how much this affects me - but it does! So I was pretty upset about that all weekend.
But besides football, I had a good weekend overall. It started with our social worker visit on Friday night. It seemed less "intense" to me than the first one, probably because we've been through it once before. She started by interviewing one of our references (thanks L!) I haven't chatted with my friend since the interview, but I intend to pry her for details! Ha ha. It probably lasted about 15 minutes. Then she interviewed my husband and I separately.
Thankfully the social worker had given us a questionnaire to fill out before the interview. It really helped us formulate our thoughts and it helped the social worker direct her questions. Mostly she asked about my family life growing up, about our marriage, and about my work. It was pretty straight forward. I did tear up when she asked me to talk about my husband. I couldn't help it! She asked me why I love him and what kind of dad he will be. It was overwhelming to try and put those feelings into words. Everything I said seemed trivial compared to the depth of my feelings. I am so, so blessed to be married to this man. I cannot thank God enough for the gift of our marriage. Our journey of infertility has taught me that no matter what happens in terms of having children, I will be so lucky to spend my life with my husband. (Ok, so apparently I can't even get through this post without crying!)
Before the social worker left she asked if we had any questions. Of course I immediately asked, "How long until our homestudy is complete?" Unfortunately it's still not very clear, but it probably won't be before January. We couldn't schedule our next (and last) home visit until Friday, December 4th. After that she will begin writing our homestudy. Then she submits it to the agency for review. Then we get to review it. And after all that it will be finalized. Given the holidays and everything, I can't imagine all of that will happen in 2009, but I'm actually ok with that.
I have been given a peace recently that I really need to surrender. Let go and let God. Truly, there is nothing else that I can do. Whether it's infertility or adoption, it is all out of my hands. We can do our part, but afterwards we must let go. It's taken me a lot to get to this point. My head knew this was the answer all along, but convincing my heart is always another matter. Watching other people's stories unfold has taught me that we just never know how God is going to work. And ultimately I really do want to do His will. I do trust that His plans are better than mine. Now don't get me wrong, a little part of me still dies on the inside when I see a pregnant belly or a nursing mother. But I'm in a much better place to deal with those feelings than I used to be.
I have to give a lot of credit to my spiritual director, Msgr P. I have met with him twice in the past couple of months and he has really helped me move forward with my spiritual life. (He was my spiritual director many years ago, he led me and my hubby through our marriage prep and he even flew to California for our wedding. We've kept in touch over the years, but I haven't met with him regularly until now.) It really helps that I've know him for awhile and I feel like he really knows me. Also, he is really gifted at direction. Because of this he is a VERY busy man. I mean really busy. It's hard to schedule with him and almost every time we meet he is late. But I got to a point where I realized that he is worth it. He really is. He gets me and he knows how to direct me, and I'm in a place right now where I really need that.
During our meeting on Saturday morning we talked about Discernment of Spirits. I have been reading a great book on that subject, so it was helpful to talk it through with him. The book is almost like a text book, so now I need to actually put into practice everything I've been learning.
We started our meeting with confession, which was great. I hadn't been in about three months and I knew that I needed it. My penance was to pray the Memorare. He suggested that I start praying that prayer every day. It's funny because I still have it memorized from when I was little, but I can't tell you the last time I prayed it. He suggested it because first, he believe so strongly in the power of Our Lady and second, the prayer speaks about our confidence in her intercession. I will put it at the bottom of this post in case you're interested.
We discussed how distracted I have been in prayer. And while distraction is common for all people, I have been really distracted. I have kept up my daily prayer routines, but I haven't really been present. Msgr P immediately pointed out that the heart of my problem is fear. I am afraid to be fully present or to listen to God because I am afraid of what He might say. He is so right! He told me, "You need to be like Our Lady, you have to suck it up and meet Him at the cross." Ha ha... that is an exact quote!
He went on to describe the scene from the Passion of the Christ when Mary sees Jesus carrying the cross. She is full of sorrow and doesn't want to see Him in such pain. So it takes all her strength to go meet Him at the cross, and Jesus says to her, "See Mother, I make all things knew."
We decided that I'm going to start small. After morning Mass I'm going to spend 10-15 minutes reflecting on the Gospel. I'm going to simply acknowledge my thoughts, feelings and desires while reflecting. Where did my heart rest? And then relate it to Jesus. Talk to Him. It seems so simple, but it is a big step for me because of how distracted I have been lately.
Oh, and the last thing he told me was to take a break from thinking about infertility. Now obviously that is pretty much impossible! But he suggested that I just live my life, live in the present, and enjoy the holidays without being consumed by my infertility. I'm really going to try and make this happen.
I had to laugh because as I was driving away from the church, the first thing I saw was a cute pregnant lady walking with her husband. I took this as a little joke from God. :)
Here is the Memorare if you're interested in praying it:
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known
that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help,
or sought thy intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother;
to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen.
I'll start with the bad news first. My team lost this weekend. REALLY badly. Ugh, it was so ugly. I'm sad to admit how much this affects me - but it does! So I was pretty upset about that all weekend.
But besides football, I had a good weekend overall. It started with our social worker visit on Friday night. It seemed less "intense" to me than the first one, probably because we've been through it once before. She started by interviewing one of our references (thanks L!) I haven't chatted with my friend since the interview, but I intend to pry her for details! Ha ha. It probably lasted about 15 minutes. Then she interviewed my husband and I separately.
Thankfully the social worker had given us a questionnaire to fill out before the interview. It really helped us formulate our thoughts and it helped the social worker direct her questions. Mostly she asked about my family life growing up, about our marriage, and about my work. It was pretty straight forward. I did tear up when she asked me to talk about my husband. I couldn't help it! She asked me why I love him and what kind of dad he will be. It was overwhelming to try and put those feelings into words. Everything I said seemed trivial compared to the depth of my feelings. I am so, so blessed to be married to this man. I cannot thank God enough for the gift of our marriage. Our journey of infertility has taught me that no matter what happens in terms of having children, I will be so lucky to spend my life with my husband. (Ok, so apparently I can't even get through this post without crying!)
Before the social worker left she asked if we had any questions. Of course I immediately asked, "How long until our homestudy is complete?" Unfortunately it's still not very clear, but it probably won't be before January. We couldn't schedule our next (and last) home visit until Friday, December 4th. After that she will begin writing our homestudy. Then she submits it to the agency for review. Then we get to review it. And after all that it will be finalized. Given the holidays and everything, I can't imagine all of that will happen in 2009, but I'm actually ok with that.
I have been given a peace recently that I really need to surrender. Let go and let God. Truly, there is nothing else that I can do. Whether it's infertility or adoption, it is all out of my hands. We can do our part, but afterwards we must let go. It's taken me a lot to get to this point. My head knew this was the answer all along, but convincing my heart is always another matter. Watching other people's stories unfold has taught me that we just never know how God is going to work. And ultimately I really do want to do His will. I do trust that His plans are better than mine. Now don't get me wrong, a little part of me still dies on the inside when I see a pregnant belly or a nursing mother. But I'm in a much better place to deal with those feelings than I used to be.
I have to give a lot of credit to my spiritual director, Msgr P. I have met with him twice in the past couple of months and he has really helped me move forward with my spiritual life. (He was my spiritual director many years ago, he led me and my hubby through our marriage prep and he even flew to California for our wedding. We've kept in touch over the years, but I haven't met with him regularly until now.) It really helps that I've know him for awhile and I feel like he really knows me. Also, he is really gifted at direction. Because of this he is a VERY busy man. I mean really busy. It's hard to schedule with him and almost every time we meet he is late. But I got to a point where I realized that he is worth it. He really is. He gets me and he knows how to direct me, and I'm in a place right now where I really need that.
During our meeting on Saturday morning we talked about Discernment of Spirits. I have been reading a great book on that subject, so it was helpful to talk it through with him. The book is almost like a text book, so now I need to actually put into practice everything I've been learning.
We started our meeting with confession, which was great. I hadn't been in about three months and I knew that I needed it. My penance was to pray the Memorare. He suggested that I start praying that prayer every day. It's funny because I still have it memorized from when I was little, but I can't tell you the last time I prayed it. He suggested it because first, he believe so strongly in the power of Our Lady and second, the prayer speaks about our confidence in her intercession. I will put it at the bottom of this post in case you're interested.
We discussed how distracted I have been in prayer. And while distraction is common for all people, I have been really distracted. I have kept up my daily prayer routines, but I haven't really been present. Msgr P immediately pointed out that the heart of my problem is fear. I am afraid to be fully present or to listen to God because I am afraid of what He might say. He is so right! He told me, "You need to be like Our Lady, you have to suck it up and meet Him at the cross." Ha ha... that is an exact quote!
He went on to describe the scene from the Passion of the Christ when Mary sees Jesus carrying the cross. She is full of sorrow and doesn't want to see Him in such pain. So it takes all her strength to go meet Him at the cross, and Jesus says to her, "See Mother, I make all things knew."
We decided that I'm going to start small. After morning Mass I'm going to spend 10-15 minutes reflecting on the Gospel. I'm going to simply acknowledge my thoughts, feelings and desires while reflecting. Where did my heart rest? And then relate it to Jesus. Talk to Him. It seems so simple, but it is a big step for me because of how distracted I have been lately.
Oh, and the last thing he told me was to take a break from thinking about infertility. Now obviously that is pretty much impossible! But he suggested that I just live my life, live in the present, and enjoy the holidays without being consumed by my infertility. I'm really going to try and make this happen.
I had to laugh because as I was driving away from the church, the first thing I saw was a cute pregnant lady walking with her husband. I took this as a little joke from God. :)
Here is the Memorare if you're interested in praying it:
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary,
that never was it known
that anyone who fled to thy protection,
implored thy help,
or sought thy intercession was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother;
to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful.
O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions,
but in thy mercy hear and answer me.
Amen.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Dr. B's Talk
I'm so glad that the Dr. B talk is really going to happen next weekend! It really didn't take that much work, but it seems like I first had this idea sooooo long ago. I hope and pray that we have a good tur-nout, mostly because I'm hoping to reach other women in our area who need help and support.
If you (or anyone you know) is planning to come, would you please RSVP to me? Either by commenting on this post or by emailing me at jeremiahtwentynineleven@gmail.com.
Also, please send me any topic ideas or questions for Dr. B that you can think of. He asked that I send him a few suggestions.
Thank you so much for your help! The talk begins at 10am at the Archdiocesan Pastoral Center.
If you (or anyone you know) is planning to come, would you please RSVP to me? Either by commenting on this post or by emailing me at jeremiahtwentynineleven@gmail.com.
Also, please send me any topic ideas or questions for Dr. B that you can think of. He asked that I send him a few suggestions.
Thank you so much for your help! The talk begins at 10am at the Archdiocesan Pastoral Center.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Thanksgiving
I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving. My husband's parents will be visiting and it will be great to spend some time with them, and of course have some time away from school. :)
I'm also excited about preparing the big meal! I've done it once before and I was pleased with how everything turned out. For the most part I kept everything simple, but I made the turkey and all the usual fixings.
Does anyone have recipe suggestions for me? I'd love to hear what your family traditions are. What's your favorite side dish? Please let me know if you have any ideas!
I'm also excited about preparing the big meal! I've done it once before and I was pleased with how everything turned out. For the most part I kept everything simple, but I made the turkey and all the usual fixings.
Does anyone have recipe suggestions for me? I'd love to hear what your family traditions are. What's your favorite side dish? Please let me know if you have any ideas!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Surgery Scheduled
I spoke with the scheduler yesterday and my polyp removal is set for Tuesday, December 1st, almost a year to the date of my laparoscopy. I joked with my husband that I'll be having surgery early December every year. They suggested I take off two days - the day of the procedure and a recovery day in case I need it. I will have a pre-op appointment wit Dr. L on Monday, November 23rd. I hope and pray that this small step will do something to restore my fertility.
Today is officially cycle day one. I called the office to see if Dr. L wants me to take Tamoxifen and Endometrin again. I imagine that she will want me to continue with it this cycle, even though we are all presuming that I won't be pregnant when I have the polyp removed next month. How's that for positive thinking?
In adoption news we are having our second appointment with the social worker this Friday. She will interview one of our references and also interview me and my hubby separately. Hopefully we can hurry up and schedule the last visit where she will inspect the house. I'm ready to be done with this!
Today is officially cycle day one. I called the office to see if Dr. L wants me to take Tamoxifen and Endometrin again. I imagine that she will want me to continue with it this cycle, even though we are all presuming that I won't be pregnant when I have the polyp removed next month. How's that for positive thinking?
In adoption news we are having our second appointment with the social worker this Friday. She will interview one of our references and also interview me and my hubby separately. Hopefully we can hurry up and schedule the last visit where she will inspect the house. I'm ready to be done with this!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
More Cycle Updates (updated with numbers)
Well, today is cycle day 28 and peak +14. I can't tell you the last time a cycle lasted this long! I really hope this is a good sign that the Endometrin is working to lengthen my luteal phase. Although I've been feeling my usual PMS symptoms - crampy, bloated, and irritable stomach. I'm sure that AF is on her way.
So here is my question... what good is a "good cycle" if we didn't conceive? Does that question even make sense? I guess I'm wondering how does this cycle help future cycles and potentially help future conception? This is what always confuses me. I guess because I still don't understand which part of getting-pregnant isn't working for us. It's so frustrating.
I was able to get my blood drawn yesterday (peak +13), so hopefully the nurses will call with my results from Friday and Monday.
I spoke with the office yesterday about scheduling my polyp removal. I could have sworn that at my last appointment Dr. L said that it would be a really easy procedure and wouldn't require general anesthesia. It's done hysteroscopically, so no incisions. Although after hearing from others who have had similar procedures done I started to question what I had heard. After speaking with the scheduler she informed me that yes it will require general anesthesia. I guess technically I'm having an HSG and D&C done. I will have to ask for more clarification the next time I meet with Dr. L.
Ironically, they have to confirm that I'm not pregnant before doing this procedure, so it makes it tricky to schedule. It either has to be right after I finish bleeding, or late enough in my cycle to do a pregnancy test. Considering that the holidays are coming up and Dr. L has some travel plans, I'm hoping that we can get it scheduled sooner than later. We tentatively set the date for December 1st. I will keep you posted.
*Update*
The nurses called from Tepeyac with the results from my bloodwork. It is obvious that AF will be arriving soon.
Peak +10
Estradiol - 171
Progesterone - 10.2
Peak +13
Estradiol - 71
Progesterone - 10.3
So here is my question... what good is a "good cycle" if we didn't conceive? Does that question even make sense? I guess I'm wondering how does this cycle help future cycles and potentially help future conception? This is what always confuses me. I guess because I still don't understand which part of getting-pregnant isn't working for us. It's so frustrating.
I was able to get my blood drawn yesterday (peak +13), so hopefully the nurses will call with my results from Friday and Monday.
I spoke with the office yesterday about scheduling my polyp removal. I could have sworn that at my last appointment Dr. L said that it would be a really easy procedure and wouldn't require general anesthesia. It's done hysteroscopically, so no incisions. Although after hearing from others who have had similar procedures done I started to question what I had heard. After speaking with the scheduler she informed me that yes it will require general anesthesia. I guess technically I'm having an HSG and D&C done. I will have to ask for more clarification the next time I meet with Dr. L.
Ironically, they have to confirm that I'm not pregnant before doing this procedure, so it makes it tricky to schedule. It either has to be right after I finish bleeding, or late enough in my cycle to do a pregnancy test. Considering that the holidays are coming up and Dr. L has some travel plans, I'm hoping that we can get it scheduled sooner than later. We tentatively set the date for December 1st. I will keep you posted.
*Update*
The nurses called from Tepeyac with the results from my bloodwork. It is obvious that AF will be arriving soon.
Peak +10
Estradiol - 171
Progesterone - 10.2
Peak +13
Estradiol - 71
Progesterone - 10.3
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Updates
Tepeyac called with the results of my bloodwork that was done on peak +8.
Estradiol - 378
Progesterone - 44.3
Everytime the nurses call they say, "Dr. L reviewed the results of your bloodwork and she thinks they are great!" Then I ask, "Do you have the numbers? Would you mind sharing them with me?" It makes me laugh because I often have this same conversation with the same nurse each time. I wonder if most patients don't care about the exact numbers? Then again, how many patients do they have getting peak+ bloodwork done? Besides the other bloggers, of course!
I was able to get it drawn again on Friday, which was peak +10. For some reason it was really difficult to get the order faxed over to the office again. Thankfully I have my peak +11 orders on hand if my cycle lasts until Monday, although that would be peak +13. I can't remember the last time my cycle lasted that long, so I'll just wait and see.
My head has been reeling since hearing GIMH's great news! This is the story that couples waiting to adopt hope for - a call that a baby is born and ready for you right away. The timing of how everything came together was nothing short of a miracle. It helps remind me of the power of prayer and the power of God's grace working in our lives. Their story makes it so clear that this child was meant for them and that everything else was leading up to this moment. I hope that I can cling to this during those times when it seems like we are going nowhere. It gets so hard to trust and hope that our story will someday have this ending too. Please pray that everything goes smoothly for GIMH and their baby boy!
In adoption news for us, we will meet with our social worker again this Friday. I'm waiting to hear back from her which appointment this is - she still needs to interview us separately, inspect the house and meet with our references. I'm not sure how quickly the process moves after the meetings are done. I would love to be approved before 2009 is over. Like always, we will just have to wait and see.
Estradiol - 378
Progesterone - 44.3
Everytime the nurses call they say, "Dr. L reviewed the results of your bloodwork and she thinks they are great!" Then I ask, "Do you have the numbers? Would you mind sharing them with me?" It makes me laugh because I often have this same conversation with the same nurse each time. I wonder if most patients don't care about the exact numbers? Then again, how many patients do they have getting peak+ bloodwork done? Besides the other bloggers, of course!
I was able to get it drawn again on Friday, which was peak +10. For some reason it was really difficult to get the order faxed over to the office again. Thankfully I have my peak +11 orders on hand if my cycle lasts until Monday, although that would be peak +13. I can't remember the last time my cycle lasted that long, so I'll just wait and see.
My head has been reeling since hearing GIMH's great news! This is the story that couples waiting to adopt hope for - a call that a baby is born and ready for you right away. The timing of how everything came together was nothing short of a miracle. It helps remind me of the power of prayer and the power of God's grace working in our lives. Their story makes it so clear that this child was meant for them and that everything else was leading up to this moment. I hope that I can cling to this during those times when it seems like we are going nowhere. It gets so hard to trust and hope that our story will someday have this ending too. Please pray that everything goes smoothly for GIMH and their baby boy!
In adoption news for us, we will meet with our social worker again this Friday. I'm waiting to hear back from her which appointment this is - she still needs to interview us separately, inspect the house and meet with our references. I'm not sure how quickly the process moves after the meetings are done. I would love to be approved before 2009 is over. Like always, we will just have to wait and see.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Bloodwork *updated*
I got my bloodwork done this morning - it's peak +8. I'm curious to see the results since I'm taking Endometrin this cycle.
Unfortunately my attempt yesterday to get it done was unsuccessful. Labcorp didn't have the fax from my doctor, so even though I arrived at the lab at 7:00am and was first in line when they opened at 7:30am, it was all a waste of time because they didn't have the order.
Grrr... I am such an impatient person! I was so mad driving to school yesterday knowing that I wouldn't be able to get it done on peak +7. The lab closes at 5:00pm and the faculty prayer group I lead was yesterday from 4-5pm. More than anything, I hate wasting time. I missed morning Mass and missed getting to school at my usual time for nothing.
I hate that IF robs me of so much - not just the big things but many, many little things as well. I'm so over getting my blood taken so often.
That being said, I am very curious about the results this cycle. I guess that's why I cared so much about getting it done yesterday. So here is my question - should I get it done again tomorrow (peak +9) or wait until Friday (peak +10)? Presuming that I make it to peak +11 - which I don't always do, but I'm hoping the progesterone will help - I could get it done that day. (My lab is open on Saturday.) Any advice?
*updated*
I forgot one thing... I'm curious about the polyp removal that I will probably be having sometime in the near future. For those of you who have had a D&C or polyp removal done, what kind of anesthesia is used? Dr. L said that I would not be "under," but now I'm wondering if I will have a local or anything.
Unfortunately my attempt yesterday to get it done was unsuccessful. Labcorp didn't have the fax from my doctor, so even though I arrived at the lab at 7:00am and was first in line when they opened at 7:30am, it was all a waste of time because they didn't have the order.
Grrr... I am such an impatient person! I was so mad driving to school yesterday knowing that I wouldn't be able to get it done on peak +7. The lab closes at 5:00pm and the faculty prayer group I lead was yesterday from 4-5pm. More than anything, I hate wasting time. I missed morning Mass and missed getting to school at my usual time for nothing.
I hate that IF robs me of so much - not just the big things but many, many little things as well. I'm so over getting my blood taken so often.
That being said, I am very curious about the results this cycle. I guess that's why I cared so much about getting it done yesterday. So here is my question - should I get it done again tomorrow (peak +9) or wait until Friday (peak +10)? Presuming that I make it to peak +11 - which I don't always do, but I'm hoping the progesterone will help - I could get it done that day. (My lab is open on Saturday.) Any advice?
*updated*
I forgot one thing... I'm curious about the polyp removal that I will probably be having sometime in the near future. For those of you who have had a D&C or polyp removal done, what kind of anesthesia is used? Dr. L said that I would not be "under," but now I'm wondering if I will have a local or anything.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
This 'n That
I've got a variety of random updates... so I think I'll use bullet points in my post. (Just like Complicated Life has been doing!)
*Yesterday was an awful day for my team, and by now I'm sure you all know how obsessed I am with college football and USC. Oregon beat us soooooo badly. It was an ugly, awful game from the beginning. I hate losing! I'm a little embarassed to admit how much it affects me. But it does. Grrr.
*On a happy note, our DC support group got together for coffee on Saturday morning. It was great! Even though only four of us made it this time, we could have talked for hours and hours. It's so wonderful to find common ground with other women who are going through the same experience. I always walk away feeling encouraged and usually with some good advice too!
*I've been taking the Endometrin now for a few days and I haven't noticed any side-effects. Other than the leaking, of course. I just hope that it will make a difference. I will get my blood drawn this week, so hopefully my numbers look good.
*I'm starting to get a little antsy regarding our homestudy. We turned in the homestudy paperwork 3 weeks ago. Our social worker told us that once we turned everything in, she would be in touch with us about scheduling that last two home visits. I emailed her once when we turned in the paperwork and then again today. I really hope we hear back from her soon so that we can keep this process moving along. I'd love to be homestudy approved by Christmas.
*I have been working with the Director of Family Life for our Archdiocese to plan a talk by Dr. B from Tepeyac. We finally decided on Saturday, November 21. He sent the blurb to all the parishes in our diocese, but apparently it's up to them whether they want to run it or not. I have not seen it in our bulletin yet and I'm worried that no one is going to come! Hopefully the women from our IF support group can all come. I'm going to post the information below. Please pass it along to anyone you know in the DC area who might be interested!
Dr. Bru.chalski speaks about Infertility
On Saturday November 21, 2009 from 10:00 a.m. until 12:00 noon there will be a talk and discussion on infertility issues at the Central Pastoral Administration offices. The talk by Dr. John Bru.chalski, founder of the Tepeyac Family Center will address ways to treat infertility using effective and moral medical means. Discussion of an ongoing support group will also be addressed. For more information or to register please contact the Office of Family Life at flm@adw.org.
*Yesterday was an awful day for my team, and by now I'm sure you all know how obsessed I am with college football and USC. Oregon beat us soooooo badly. It was an ugly, awful game from the beginning. I hate losing! I'm a little embarassed to admit how much it affects me. But it does. Grrr.
*On a happy note, our DC support group got together for coffee on Saturday morning. It was great! Even though only four of us made it this time, we could have talked for hours and hours. It's so wonderful to find common ground with other women who are going through the same experience. I always walk away feeling encouraged and usually with some good advice too!
*I've been taking the Endometrin now for a few days and I haven't noticed any side-effects. Other than the leaking, of course. I just hope that it will make a difference. I will get my blood drawn this week, so hopefully my numbers look good.
*I'm starting to get a little antsy regarding our homestudy. We turned in the homestudy paperwork 3 weeks ago. Our social worker told us that once we turned everything in, she would be in touch with us about scheduling that last two home visits. I emailed her once when we turned in the paperwork and then again today. I really hope we hear back from her soon so that we can keep this process moving along. I'd love to be homestudy approved by Christmas.
*I have been working with the Director of Family Life for our Archdiocese to plan a talk by Dr. B from Tepeyac. We finally decided on Saturday, November 21. He sent the blurb to all the parishes in our diocese, but apparently it's up to them whether they want to run it or not. I have not seen it in our bulletin yet and I'm worried that no one is going to come! Hopefully the women from our IF support group can all come. I'm going to post the information below. Please pass it along to anyone you know in the DC area who might be interested!
Dr. Bru.chalski speaks about Infertility
On Saturday November 21, 2009 from 10:00 a.m. until 12:00 noon there will be a talk and discussion on infertility issues at the Central Pastoral Administration offices. The talk by Dr. John Bru.chalski, founder of the Tepeyac Family Center will address ways to treat infertility using effective and moral medical means. Discussion of an ongoing support group will also be addressed. For more information or to register please contact the Office of Family Life at flm@adw.org.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Endometrin?
Has anyone taken Endometrin before? It's a vaginal progesterone supplement. I am curious if you have any advice about when to take it. Today will be my first day and I was going to wait until the evening in case it leaks or makes a mess. Any advice is appreciated!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Birthday Pics
Here are a few pics from my birthday party this weekend!
Women's Prayer Group (with Ryan)
We served ice cream cupcakes (from Coldstones)
My women's prayer group (and a few husbands)
Beautiful bloggers!
We had this silly cut-out for people to take pictures
Women's Prayer Group (with Ryan)
We served ice cream cupcakes (from Coldstones)
My women's prayer group (and a few husbands)
Beautiful bloggers!
We had this silly cut-out for people to take pictures
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Test Results
I just got back from my appointment with Dr. L for the post-coital test. Thankfully she said that everything looks normal. She even let me look through the microscope so I could see my hubby's little guys swimming around! It was amazing! This was one test that I really didn't want to come back negative, so I breathed a sigh of relief. She said that everything in terms of my mucus and his sperm looked great.
We also discussed my results from the hysterosonogram. The polyp measures 2 x .6 x .6 cm, which is on the small side, but Dr. L still wants to remove it. She said there is no conclusive evidence if polyps cause infertility, but after all that I've been through we should go ahead and remove it just in case. Dr. L said that it's pretty rare for someone my age who is cycling to have a polyp, she normally sees them in older women. She is also not convinced that all the tamoxifen and other drugs I've been taking are the cause, but really she just has no idea why it grew.
One of my IF friends - who is no longer IF!! - emailed me about her polpys. Apparently she had three of them removed in January and conceived in June. This gives me a little hope!
Thankfully the removal sounds pretty simple. It's done hysteroscopically (I think that's the correct term!) Basically she sticks the scope and her tools you-know-where and scrapes out the polyp. I guess it's the same procedure as a D & C. I can't remember if The Misfit had this done or not, but she described the procedure to me recently.
Speaking of you-know-where, today I think I finally hit the wall. I am really getting stick of spreading my legs and getting into the stirrups. Today Dr. L was teaching the nurse how to do the post-coital test, so both of them were in the room staring at my you-know-what. Ugh, I really did not enjoy it. I'm so over this! Especially since my hubby and I had just been intimate this morning... then of course I had to rush to the doctor's office to get there within two hours. I'm just tired of it all.
When I get home tonight I will post pictures from my birthday party! I've been so busy I haven't had the time to do it yet.
We also discussed my results from the hysterosonogram. The polyp measures 2 x .6 x .6 cm, which is on the small side, but Dr. L still wants to remove it. She said there is no conclusive evidence if polyps cause infertility, but after all that I've been through we should go ahead and remove it just in case. Dr. L said that it's pretty rare for someone my age who is cycling to have a polyp, she normally sees them in older women. She is also not convinced that all the tamoxifen and other drugs I've been taking are the cause, but really she just has no idea why it grew.
One of my IF friends - who is no longer IF!! - emailed me about her polpys. Apparently she had three of them removed in January and conceived in June. This gives me a little hope!
Thankfully the removal sounds pretty simple. It's done hysteroscopically (I think that's the correct term!) Basically she sticks the scope and her tools you-know-where and scrapes out the polyp. I guess it's the same procedure as a D & C. I can't remember if The Misfit had this done or not, but she described the procedure to me recently.
Speaking of you-know-where, today I think I finally hit the wall. I am really getting stick of spreading my legs and getting into the stirrups. Today Dr. L was teaching the nurse how to do the post-coital test, so both of them were in the room staring at my you-know-what. Ugh, I really did not enjoy it. I'm so over this! Especially since my hubby and I had just been intimate this morning... then of course I had to rush to the doctor's office to get there within two hours. I'm just tired of it all.
When I get home tonight I will post pictures from my birthday party! I've been so busy I haven't had the time to do it yet.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Amazing Weekend
I had an amazing birthday weekend! I will have to write more and post pictures later because I am still exhausted and recovering from all the festivities. My hubby did such a wonderful job with my party - I feel so loved! We had about 70 people and it was such a fun night. We went with margaritas as our theme - so we rented a margarita machine and our favor was margarita glasses that said, "Gina's 30th Birthday Fiesta" on them. We served a yummy taco bar for dinner and had ice cream cupcakes for dessert. My hubby gave me the sweetest toast (I was totally crying) and overall it was such an amazing night. It was exactly what I needed!
It was so great to have my parents here - they just left this morning. I had a crazy day at school today, so I seriously feel like my head is spinning. I need to just relax tonight and then think about cleaning up and getting back to reality.
Tomorrow I have an early appointment with Dr. L. She will do our post-coital test and hopefully have the results from my hysterosonogram.
It was so great to have my parents here - they just left this morning. I had a crazy day at school today, so I seriously feel like my head is spinning. I need to just relax tonight and then think about cleaning up and getting back to reality.
Tomorrow I have an early appointment with Dr. L. She will do our post-coital test and hopefully have the results from my hysterosonogram.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Hysterosonogram
I had the Hysterosonogram done yesterday at Fair Oaks Hospital and my mom ended up coming with me! My parents arrived at my house around lunch time, so I ran home from school, had a quick lunch with them and then took off with my mom. I was glad to have her along for the ride even though she had to wait for an hour in the waiting room while I had it done.
Overall it was a pretty unpleasant experience. The only results I got from the radiologist was that she did see a polyp. She will send the results to Dr. L and I'm assuming I'll hear from her or from a nurse in a couple of days about what to do next.
**WARNING** Stop reading if you don't want to hear the graphic details!
Ha ha... it's really not too bad, but I know that some of my readers don't want to hear these kind of details. When the tech first took me back she informed me that Dr. L should have sent her scans to the hospital. Usually the radiologist looks at the original scans and decides what kind of scan she's going to do. Since this didn't happen, the tech had to re-do the originals.
The first thing she did was a pelvic sono (the kind that pregnant ladies get with the gel on their belly.) I've never had one of these done before and my first thought was, "Will I ever have one of these done to see my growing baby?" Ugh, it was pretty depressing to think about it.
Next she moved onto the vaginal sono. Even though I've had this done many times with Dr. L, it was uncomfortable to have it done by a stranger. Not that I'm that close with Dr. L! But for some reason it was different. Especially since a second person was in the room and the fact that I wasn't in an OB-Gyn office. It seemed to take a REALLY long time. I have no idea how long it actually took, but it felt like forever. She must have taken a ton of pictures because I kept hearing the "ding" on the computer monitor.
After she finished the scans she had to show them to the radiologist to determine whether or not she was going to do the hysterosonogram. After about 20 minutes the radiologist came in and said that yes there was something there that needed a closer look.
The radiologist first inserted the speculum. I don't think I've ever looked at one before - and it was HUGE! It kind of freaked me out. Next she inserted a catheter and used it to inject saline into my uterus and tubes. And lastly she inserted the sono-probe. Oh.my.gosh, there was a lot going on down there. The saline caused some mild pain and cramping (kind of like getting an HSG done.) She moved the probe around to try and get a good look at the polyp.
I had a lot of questions, but I wasn't sure if I should ask the radiologist or save them for Dr. L. The radiologist said that from what she could tell, it did not look like a fibroid. She said that it shouldn't have any effect on fertility, unless an embryo tries to implant exactly in that spot.
Hopefully I will hear back from Tepeyac in the next couple of days. Either way I have an appointment next week with Dr. L (for the post-coital test) so I will get to speak with her then.
For now, I'm going to begin my birthday celebrations! :)
Overall it was a pretty unpleasant experience. The only results I got from the radiologist was that she did see a polyp. She will send the results to Dr. L and I'm assuming I'll hear from her or from a nurse in a couple of days about what to do next.
**WARNING** Stop reading if you don't want to hear the graphic details!
Ha ha... it's really not too bad, but I know that some of my readers don't want to hear these kind of details. When the tech first took me back she informed me that Dr. L should have sent her scans to the hospital. Usually the radiologist looks at the original scans and decides what kind of scan she's going to do. Since this didn't happen, the tech had to re-do the originals.
The first thing she did was a pelvic sono (the kind that pregnant ladies get with the gel on their belly.) I've never had one of these done before and my first thought was, "Will I ever have one of these done to see my growing baby?" Ugh, it was pretty depressing to think about it.
Next she moved onto the vaginal sono. Even though I've had this done many times with Dr. L, it was uncomfortable to have it done by a stranger. Not that I'm that close with Dr. L! But for some reason it was different. Especially since a second person was in the room and the fact that I wasn't in an OB-Gyn office. It seemed to take a REALLY long time. I have no idea how long it actually took, but it felt like forever. She must have taken a ton of pictures because I kept hearing the "ding" on the computer monitor.
After she finished the scans she had to show them to the radiologist to determine whether or not she was going to do the hysterosonogram. After about 20 minutes the radiologist came in and said that yes there was something there that needed a closer look.
The radiologist first inserted the speculum. I don't think I've ever looked at one before - and it was HUGE! It kind of freaked me out. Next she inserted a catheter and used it to inject saline into my uterus and tubes. And lastly she inserted the sono-probe. Oh.my.gosh, there was a lot going on down there. The saline caused some mild pain and cramping (kind of like getting an HSG done.) She moved the probe around to try and get a good look at the polyp.
I had a lot of questions, but I wasn't sure if I should ask the radiologist or save them for Dr. L. The radiologist said that from what she could tell, it did not look like a fibroid. She said that it shouldn't have any effect on fertility, unless an embryo tries to implant exactly in that spot.
Hopefully I will hear back from Tepeyac in the next couple of days. Either way I have an appointment next week with Dr. L (for the post-coital test) so I will get to speak with her then.
For now, I'm going to begin my birthday celebrations! :)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Big Week
This week I will turn the big 3-0 and enter a new decade. While I do have mixed feelings about getting older, I'm mostly excited to celebrate this week! My hubby has worked so hard planning a special party for me this weekend. I feel so loved with all that he has done. I'm excited to see all of our friends and my parents!
My parents were at the USC - Notre Dame game last weekend and they are driving to Maryland for my party. They should arrive tomorrow. Unfortunately it's the same time as my hysterosonogram. Since the sonogram has to be done on days 7-10 and it can only be done at Fair Oaks hospital I didn't want to reschedule it. I think my parents understand, but I wish the timing were better! Hopefully I will get home around the same time they are getting into town.
My hubby and I are starting a novena to St. Jude today since his feast day is October 28th. Our parish is the Shrine of St. Jude (where we lead the youth group) and each year they do a Solemn Novena every night for nine nights leading up to his feast day. I don't think we'll be attending the nights at our church, but we will do our own novena. I'm posting the novena prayer below - you're welcome to pray it with us!
Prayer to St. Jude Thaddeus
Most Holy Apostle, St. Jude Thaddeus,
faithful servant and friend of Jesus,
the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of his enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many.
But the Church honors you, and I invoke you as the special advocate of those who are in trouble and almost without hope.
Help me to realize that through our faith we triumph over difficulties by the power of Jesus who loved us and gave his life for us.
Come to my assistance that I may receive the consolation and succor of heaven in all my needs, trials, and sufferings, particularly (here make your request) and that I may praise God with you and all the saints forever.
St. Jude, apostle of the Word of God, pray for us.
St. Jude, follower of the Son of God, pray for us.
St. Jude, preacher of the love of God, pray for us.
St. Jude, intercessor before God, pray for us.
St. Jude, friend of all in need, pray for us.
St. Jude, pray for us, and for all who invoke your aid.
My parents were at the USC - Notre Dame game last weekend and they are driving to Maryland for my party. They should arrive tomorrow. Unfortunately it's the same time as my hysterosonogram. Since the sonogram has to be done on days 7-10 and it can only be done at Fair Oaks hospital I didn't want to reschedule it. I think my parents understand, but I wish the timing were better! Hopefully I will get home around the same time they are getting into town.
My hubby and I are starting a novena to St. Jude today since his feast day is October 28th. Our parish is the Shrine of St. Jude (where we lead the youth group) and each year they do a Solemn Novena every night for nine nights leading up to his feast day. I don't think we'll be attending the nights at our church, but we will do our own novena. I'm posting the novena prayer below - you're welcome to pray it with us!
Prayer to St. Jude Thaddeus
Most Holy Apostle, St. Jude Thaddeus,
faithful servant and friend of Jesus,
the name of the traitor who delivered your beloved Master into the hands of his enemies has caused you to be forgotten by many.
But the Church honors you, and I invoke you as the special advocate of those who are in trouble and almost without hope.
Help me to realize that through our faith we triumph over difficulties by the power of Jesus who loved us and gave his life for us.
Come to my assistance that I may receive the consolation and succor of heaven in all my needs, trials, and sufferings, particularly (here make your request) and that I may praise God with you and all the saints forever.
St. Jude, apostle of the Word of God, pray for us.
St. Jude, follower of the Son of God, pray for us.
St. Jude, preacher of the love of God, pray for us.
St. Jude, intercessor before God, pray for us.
St. Jude, friend of all in need, pray for us.
St. Jude, pray for us, and for all who invoke your aid.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Doctors Appointment
I had a good appointment with Dr. L yesterday. After looking at my bloodwork results she agreed that I should have some luteal phase support. Even though a 24-day cycle and 11-day luteal phase is within the range of normal, she said it would be a good idea to help my hormones after ovulation.
I inquired about the various post-peak treatments - progesterone supplements, HCG injections, etc. She informed me that HCG injections were not a good fit for me because my estrogen levels were high enough, and the HCG would raise them even higher. Dr. L wants to focus on helping my progesterone levels, so she prescribed Endometrin. It's a capsule that I will take vaginally on peak +2 through peak +12. Has anyone taken this before? She said that many of their pregnant patients take it to help support their pregnancies. I will also continue with Tamoxifen.
Dr. L suggested that we have the post-coital test done, so I will come into the office after peak day for that one. Apparently they examine a mucus sample under the microscope to see if my hubby's guys are swimming properly.
Lastly we discussed the polyp she noticed on my last sonogram. We agreed it would be a good idea to get that checked out, so she scheduled a hysterosonogram. They don't have the proper equipment in their office, so I will have to get it done at radiology at Fair Oaks Hospital. Because of my insurance I needed a pre-authorization. Presuming that it goes through, I will have this done next week because it needs to be done on cycle days 7-10.
Before I left I asked Dr. L if she would be open to FSH injections at some point. Thankfully she said yes! She is mystified that we haven't conceived yet, considering that it's almost been a year since my surgery and I've had so many good cycles. I normally tear-up at least once during my appointments, and this time it happened when she said, "You've been waiting a long time... I'll give you that." Everytime I get teary she asks if she's given me a St. Gerard medal yet, which she has.
By the way, happy feast day to St. Gerard! And thanks to AYWH for reminding me. :)
While I was waiting for my appointment I noticed two pregnant teens again in the waiting room. Ugh. I can't even begin to describe the emotions that I feel when I see them. The first one came in with her boyfriend and I swear she looked 13. Turns out she came on the wrong day - her appointment was two days ago. The receptionist asked what her birthday was and she said April 1991. I about died. Are you kidding me? She was born in 1991 and she is pregnant? It made me feel very old and very barren.
The second girl was with her mother and her due date is this week. She was asking for the doctor's schedule so that she would know who was at the hospital this week. I just kept looking at the mother and wondering, did she ever counsel her daughter towards adoption? Is she planning to raise her grandchild? I know that I have no right to presume anything about their situation. But these are the first thoughts that come to my mind.
Ugh. It was just really hard for me to watch all of this unfold.
I continue to hope and pray for the grace to handle this cross. I know that we can't always understand God's ways, but I'm going to need His help to walk this road that makes absolutely no sense to me.
The last update I'll give you is that I had a good conversation with an adoption attorney yesterday afternoon. I think that my hubby and I are going to attend a class next month regarding private adoption. We are still going to use an agency, but we are also going to do some networking and advertising on our own. It couldn't hurt, right?
I inquired about the various post-peak treatments - progesterone supplements, HCG injections, etc. She informed me that HCG injections were not a good fit for me because my estrogen levels were high enough, and the HCG would raise them even higher. Dr. L wants to focus on helping my progesterone levels, so she prescribed Endometrin. It's a capsule that I will take vaginally on peak +2 through peak +12. Has anyone taken this before? She said that many of their pregnant patients take it to help support their pregnancies. I will also continue with Tamoxifen.
Dr. L suggested that we have the post-coital test done, so I will come into the office after peak day for that one. Apparently they examine a mucus sample under the microscope to see if my hubby's guys are swimming properly.
Lastly we discussed the polyp she noticed on my last sonogram. We agreed it would be a good idea to get that checked out, so she scheduled a hysterosonogram. They don't have the proper equipment in their office, so I will have to get it done at radiology at Fair Oaks Hospital. Because of my insurance I needed a pre-authorization. Presuming that it goes through, I will have this done next week because it needs to be done on cycle days 7-10.
Before I left I asked Dr. L if she would be open to FSH injections at some point. Thankfully she said yes! She is mystified that we haven't conceived yet, considering that it's almost been a year since my surgery and I've had so many good cycles. I normally tear-up at least once during my appointments, and this time it happened when she said, "You've been waiting a long time... I'll give you that." Everytime I get teary she asks if she's given me a St. Gerard medal yet, which she has.
By the way, happy feast day to St. Gerard! And thanks to AYWH for reminding me. :)
While I was waiting for my appointment I noticed two pregnant teens again in the waiting room. Ugh. I can't even begin to describe the emotions that I feel when I see them. The first one came in with her boyfriend and I swear she looked 13. Turns out she came on the wrong day - her appointment was two days ago. The receptionist asked what her birthday was and she said April 1991. I about died. Are you kidding me? She was born in 1991 and she is pregnant? It made me feel very old and very barren.
The second girl was with her mother and her due date is this week. She was asking for the doctor's schedule so that she would know who was at the hospital this week. I just kept looking at the mother and wondering, did she ever counsel her daughter towards adoption? Is she planning to raise her grandchild? I know that I have no right to presume anything about their situation. But these are the first thoughts that come to my mind.
Ugh. It was just really hard for me to watch all of this unfold.
I continue to hope and pray for the grace to handle this cross. I know that we can't always understand God's ways, but I'm going to need His help to walk this road that makes absolutely no sense to me.
The last update I'll give you is that I had a good conversation with an adoption attorney yesterday afternoon. I think that my hubby and I are going to attend a class next month regarding private adoption. We are still going to use an agency, but we are also going to do some networking and advertising on our own. It couldn't hurt, right?
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Results *updated*
I had my blood drawn last Friday and Monday. I called my doctor's office and just got the results.
Peak + 7:
Estradiol - 423
Progesterone - 21.6
Peak + 10:
Estradiol - 21.6
Progesterone - 2.8
Obviously the first numbers are great and the second numbers are lousy. I have been feeling crampy and PMSy all day today, so my body was already telling me that cycle day 1 will most likely be tomorrow.
Here is what I don't understand - are my numbers on peak + 10 low because my cycle is about to begin? Or does my cycle begin because the numbers are low? Do you see what I'm asking? To me it's kind of like the chicken and the egg scenario - which came first?
During the beginning of 2009 I was taking prometrium for luteal phase support and my numbers started coming back great, so Dr. L took me off it. Do you think I should be on some kind of luteal phase support? HCG? Or something else?
Any advice is appreciated.
**So I woke up this morning (Wednesday, 10/14) to Cycle Day 1. That means my cycle was 24 days long and my luteal phase was 11 days long. I made an appointment with Dr. L for Thursday. Hopefully she agrees that I need some luteal phase support!
Peak + 7:
Estradiol - 423
Progesterone - 21.6
Peak + 10:
Estradiol - 21.6
Progesterone - 2.8
Obviously the first numbers are great and the second numbers are lousy. I have been feeling crampy and PMSy all day today, so my body was already telling me that cycle day 1 will most likely be tomorrow.
Here is what I don't understand - are my numbers on peak + 10 low because my cycle is about to begin? Or does my cycle begin because the numbers are low? Do you see what I'm asking? To me it's kind of like the chicken and the egg scenario - which came first?
During the beginning of 2009 I was taking prometrium for luteal phase support and my numbers started coming back great, so Dr. L took me off it. Do you think I should be on some kind of luteal phase support? HCG? Or something else?
Any advice is appreciated.
**So I woke up this morning (Wednesday, 10/14) to Cycle Day 1. That means my cycle was 24 days long and my luteal phase was 11 days long. I made an appointment with Dr. L for Thursday. Hopefully she agrees that I need some luteal phase support!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Adoption Class
I'm happy to report that our adoption class yesterday wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be! I'm sure that a lot of my fears were unreasonable and I probably had built it up in my mind a lot worse than was necessary. The social worker who led the class was great, so obviously that really helped.
We were the first ones to arrive. We got there early because we were dropping off our homestudy paperwork (and check!), so we wanted to make sure that it was delivered to the right place. It looked like it was going to be just us and one other couple, but finally some others arrived.
I was really caught off guard when another woman attending the class asked me, "So, how far along are you? I mean, you know, with the paperwork?" Ha ha! Obviously I should have known what she was asking, but at first I didn't know where she was going with that!
Because of some technical difficulties with the powerpoint the social worker decided to skip the process questions (how adoption works) that she usually starts with and moved right into the emotional preparation. I found it hard to jump right into that part. But for the most part it was well-done.
At one point we went through a long list of things we could do "while we wait." I know they are just trying to be helpful, but I really couldn't relate to most of them. She went on and on about how we could start researching pediatricians, formula, car seats, and start buying diapers, clothes, etc. I understand that these are very practical things to do, but it all just sounds depressing to me. I know there is always a chance that a placement will happen quickly, so we should be prepared with the basics. But I just can't go there right now. I already have a pile of baby stuff and baby books hidden away in storage.
The first summer we were married I nannied for a family who was moving. Their youngest was 9 months and they were "done" having kids. The mom knew that we wanted kids - a lot of them - and hopefully would be having them soon. So she passed along an assortment of baby things before they moved. The second summer we were married I nannied for another family who just had a newborn. They also claimed they were "done" having kids and at that point we were actively trying to get pregnant. She passed along a bunch of her books to me - baby names, what to expect, etc. I just don't see all of that helping me at this point.
Although I wonder, once we are homestudy approved and we are officially waiting, should it feel differently than right now? In terms of infertility, I know that there is a chance I will never conceive. But with adoption, we WILL become parents. Right? So there is actually something to prepare for? Obviously it could be a long wait, but we are confident that at some point it will work?
My husband and I were both surprised when the social worker told us that the average waiting time was 1-2 years. I really had thought it was longer than that. She told us that the couple that has waited the longest with her (a gay couple) was getting their placement this week after waiting 2 years. She said there is always a chance it could move really quickly, but for the most part you should plan on having your homestudy updated at least once. (It's good for 1 year.)
Overall the class gave us a lot to think about. We got out earlier than expected which was nice, but it was still pretty draining. It gave us a lot to think about and led to some pretty serious discussions afterwards. Unfortunately it left me with a lot of fears about the birthmother. When it comes down to it, you really just don't know what the birthmother has been doing during the 9 months of her pregnancy. No matter what she tells the agency - about drug/alcohol use, about family history, about the birthfather, etc - there is a chance that it's not the full truth. We watched a video that interviewed some birthmothers and it was obvious that they were living in not-ideal situations. I don't want to sterotype all birthmothers, but obviously they are all in situations that weren't planned, so they have some level of unrest in their life. Does that make sense? It just scares me to think about it. Especially since we will have to go through a LONG checklist of things we will accept in terms of exposure during pregnancy.
I realized that for me the hardest part is the lack of control. I already have no control of my infertility - and that is already frustrating and depressing. Now with adoption, we seem to have even less control. You have no idea when it will happen, or with whom, or how much it will cost, etc. It can really overwhelm me at times, so this is where I just have to surrender. Thankfully my mind realizes it's silly to stress over these huge things that are WAY out of my control. So I just have to trust in God's widsom and plans for us. I have to pray and hope and trust that He will bring us the child that is meant for us, no matter the situation.
We were the first ones to arrive. We got there early because we were dropping off our homestudy paperwork (and check!), so we wanted to make sure that it was delivered to the right place. It looked like it was going to be just us and one other couple, but finally some others arrived.
I was really caught off guard when another woman attending the class asked me, "So, how far along are you? I mean, you know, with the paperwork?" Ha ha! Obviously I should have known what she was asking, but at first I didn't know where she was going with that!
Because of some technical difficulties with the powerpoint the social worker decided to skip the process questions (how adoption works) that she usually starts with and moved right into the emotional preparation. I found it hard to jump right into that part. But for the most part it was well-done.
At one point we went through a long list of things we could do "while we wait." I know they are just trying to be helpful, but I really couldn't relate to most of them. She went on and on about how we could start researching pediatricians, formula, car seats, and start buying diapers, clothes, etc. I understand that these are very practical things to do, but it all just sounds depressing to me. I know there is always a chance that a placement will happen quickly, so we should be prepared with the basics. But I just can't go there right now. I already have a pile of baby stuff and baby books hidden away in storage.
The first summer we were married I nannied for a family who was moving. Their youngest was 9 months and they were "done" having kids. The mom knew that we wanted kids - a lot of them - and hopefully would be having them soon. So she passed along an assortment of baby things before they moved. The second summer we were married I nannied for another family who just had a newborn. They also claimed they were "done" having kids and at that point we were actively trying to get pregnant. She passed along a bunch of her books to me - baby names, what to expect, etc. I just don't see all of that helping me at this point.
Although I wonder, once we are homestudy approved and we are officially waiting, should it feel differently than right now? In terms of infertility, I know that there is a chance I will never conceive. But with adoption, we WILL become parents. Right? So there is actually something to prepare for? Obviously it could be a long wait, but we are confident that at some point it will work?
My husband and I were both surprised when the social worker told us that the average waiting time was 1-2 years. I really had thought it was longer than that. She told us that the couple that has waited the longest with her (a gay couple) was getting their placement this week after waiting 2 years. She said there is always a chance it could move really quickly, but for the most part you should plan on having your homestudy updated at least once. (It's good for 1 year.)
Overall the class gave us a lot to think about. We got out earlier than expected which was nice, but it was still pretty draining. It gave us a lot to think about and led to some pretty serious discussions afterwards. Unfortunately it left me with a lot of fears about the birthmother. When it comes down to it, you really just don't know what the birthmother has been doing during the 9 months of her pregnancy. No matter what she tells the agency - about drug/alcohol use, about family history, about the birthfather, etc - there is a chance that it's not the full truth. We watched a video that interviewed some birthmothers and it was obvious that they were living in not-ideal situations. I don't want to sterotype all birthmothers, but obviously they are all in situations that weren't planned, so they have some level of unrest in their life. Does that make sense? It just scares me to think about it. Especially since we will have to go through a LONG checklist of things we will accept in terms of exposure during pregnancy.
I realized that for me the hardest part is the lack of control. I already have no control of my infertility - and that is already frustrating and depressing. Now with adoption, we seem to have even less control. You have no idea when it will happen, or with whom, or how much it will cost, etc. It can really overwhelm me at times, so this is where I just have to surrender. Thankfully my mind realizes it's silly to stress over these huge things that are WAY out of my control. So I just have to trust in God's widsom and plans for us. I have to pray and hope and trust that He will bring us the child that is meant for us, no matter the situation.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Moving Ahead
We are moving ahead with our adoption plans. We've had our homestudy paperwork completed for a couple of weeks now and it's all ready to be turned in! Our adoption class is on Saturday, so I figured we could just turn it in then. After the class, we will have two more home visits from the social worker. She will interview us separately and she will also interview one of our references. Then she will write the homestudy and (hopefully!) approve us. I'm hoping it will be completed in November.
If you remember, could you please say a little prayer for our class on Saturday? I have to admit that I'm dreading it. I'm praying for a change of attitude so that I'm more positive. But I can't help but feel resentful that we have to spend a day "preparing" us to be parents. I totally understand why they do this and I agree that it's important to think about all that adoption entails. They are preparing us more for that than for simply being parents. But still. I just don't want to go. It definitely helps to remember that this is one piece of the big picture. If this road leads us to growing our family, then of course it will be worth it.
Those of you who are homestudy approved, did you have to attend a class? If we actually use their domestic program and get matched, we will have to do one more class after the adoption is finalized. At this point we are only signed up to have the homestudy done. Pretty soon we will have to decide if we are going to use them for placement as well. This agency requires a 25% non-refundable down payment, so for us that would mean $5,000. Obviously we have to think carefully about that decision.
Tomorrow I will get my peak + 7 bloodwork done. It's been a couple of months since I've done this, so I am curious to see what my levels are. I will also get it drawn on Monday, which will be peak + 10. If they come back looking "normal" I will be curious what Dr. L thinks about me continuing with Tamoxifen. I wonder if I really need to be taking it.
Well, two weeks until I turn 30. I am getting pretty excited about the party that my hubby is throwing me. It's going to be so much fun! And thankfully it has provided a nice distraction. It's keeping me from getting too depressed about getting old! :)
If you remember, could you please say a little prayer for our class on Saturday? I have to admit that I'm dreading it. I'm praying for a change of attitude so that I'm more positive. But I can't help but feel resentful that we have to spend a day "preparing" us to be parents. I totally understand why they do this and I agree that it's important to think about all that adoption entails. They are preparing us more for that than for simply being parents. But still. I just don't want to go. It definitely helps to remember that this is one piece of the big picture. If this road leads us to growing our family, then of course it will be worth it.
Those of you who are homestudy approved, did you have to attend a class? If we actually use their domestic program and get matched, we will have to do one more class after the adoption is finalized. At this point we are only signed up to have the homestudy done. Pretty soon we will have to decide if we are going to use them for placement as well. This agency requires a 25% non-refundable down payment, so for us that would mean $5,000. Obviously we have to think carefully about that decision.
Tomorrow I will get my peak + 7 bloodwork done. It's been a couple of months since I've done this, so I am curious to see what my levels are. I will also get it drawn on Monday, which will be peak + 10. If they come back looking "normal" I will be curious what Dr. L thinks about me continuing with Tamoxifen. I wonder if I really need to be taking it.
Well, two weeks until I turn 30. I am getting pretty excited about the party that my hubby is throwing me. It's going to be so much fun! And thankfully it has provided a nice distraction. It's keeping me from getting too depressed about getting old! :)
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Balance and Discernment
Sorry that I haven't been posting much lately. I really haven't felt inspired to write much. And I guess that's partially because I've been feeling pretty blah lately.
I'm really hoping to get more balance in my life. I feel like I have so many ups and downs - emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. Some days I'm full of energy and hope. I am super productive and get so much done at home and at work. Other days I have no energy or hope. I feel tired and lethargic.
I wonder if my medication has anything to do with this. I'm not just looking for something to place blame, but I'm going to try and remember (or write down) what times of my cycle I'm feeling this way. I still plan on pushing for injectables next cycle. But after that it might be time to just take a break from all these treatments.
Right now I'm reading "The Discernment of Spirits - An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living." It's really good, but I'm moving through it pretty slowly. I am hoping that it will help me discern what is of God and what is not of God.
One passage that really struck me describes how the enemy undermines our peace by "disquieting with false reasons." He says that dedicated people seeking the Lord review their spiritual situation and find one reason after another why they are dificient and they are troubled. He says that we need to be aware when this is happening and reject these thoughts. The enemy is simply trying to get us down and undermine our peace. (He defines the enemy broadly as Satan, our own weakness, external influences, etc.) I haven't made it far enough in the book to know exactly how to reject these thoughts, but I can relate to this situation. Very often I feel like I'm not "doing enough." And while we can always continue to grow in our prayer life, I don't believe that God wants us to have a guilt trip. Does that make sense?
My friend encouraged me to read Psalm 25, so I will leave you with a few lines that inspired me.
In you I trust; do not let me be disgraced;
No one is disgraced who waits for you, but only those who lightly break faith.
Make known to me your ways, LORD; teach me your paths.
For you I wait all the long day, because of your goodness, LORD.
Remember your compassion and love, O LORD; for they are ages old.
-Psalm 25
I'm really hoping to get more balance in my life. I feel like I have so many ups and downs - emotionally, spiritually, physically, etc. Some days I'm full of energy and hope. I am super productive and get so much done at home and at work. Other days I have no energy or hope. I feel tired and lethargic.
I wonder if my medication has anything to do with this. I'm not just looking for something to place blame, but I'm going to try and remember (or write down) what times of my cycle I'm feeling this way. I still plan on pushing for injectables next cycle. But after that it might be time to just take a break from all these treatments.
Right now I'm reading "The Discernment of Spirits - An Ignatian Guide for Everyday Living." It's really good, but I'm moving through it pretty slowly. I am hoping that it will help me discern what is of God and what is not of God.
One passage that really struck me describes how the enemy undermines our peace by "disquieting with false reasons." He says that dedicated people seeking the Lord review their spiritual situation and find one reason after another why they are dificient and they are troubled. He says that we need to be aware when this is happening and reject these thoughts. The enemy is simply trying to get us down and undermine our peace. (He defines the enemy broadly as Satan, our own weakness, external influences, etc.) I haven't made it far enough in the book to know exactly how to reject these thoughts, but I can relate to this situation. Very often I feel like I'm not "doing enough." And while we can always continue to grow in our prayer life, I don't believe that God wants us to have a guilt trip. Does that make sense?
My friend encouraged me to read Psalm 25, so I will leave you with a few lines that inspired me.
In you I trust; do not let me be disgraced;
No one is disgraced who waits for you, but only those who lightly break faith.
Make known to me your ways, LORD; teach me your paths.
For you I wait all the long day, because of your goodness, LORD.
Remember your compassion and love, O LORD; for they are ages old.
-Psalm 25
Friday, October 2, 2009
Updates
So I was tempted to title this post, "I've Been Shot" and even though I figured everyone would know what I was referring to, I decided against it. :)
That being said, I did get my HCG injection. It's a busy week at Tepeyac for injections since AYWH had hers done on Wednesday and I'm pretty sure we're the only ones getting that done over there!
First Dr. L did a sonogram to see what was going on. As always she checked both ovaries and the uterine lining. It was clear that I was ovulating from my left ovary and technically I had already ovulated. The follicle was mis-shapen and had a thicker membrane (or something like that.) That in addition to some fluid behind the ovaries confirmed that I was in the process of ovulating. I was concerned that it was too late for the HCG injection since its purpose is to be a trigger. But she said it was still fine to get it. It would strengthen the egg and other developing follicles.
Unfortunately she noticed something abnormal in my uterine lining that she thinks is a polyp. Apparently it's not a huge concern and it's debatable if it will affect my fertility or not. But I definitely don't like the idea of something unnecessarily growing in my uterus! I have had recent sono's done before with Dr. L and she has never noticed it before, so I wonder if it is a recent development.
I asked Dr.L if she thinks my ovulatory drugs could be the cause. I have been on either clomid, femara or tamoxifen for about three years now. She said there is a good chance that could be to blame. Some women (generally older) who have previously had breast cancer take high doses of tamoxifen daily and some of them have developed uterine polyps and uterine cancer.
Dr. L said we could take a better look at it next cycle and see what's going on. The fact that I haven't had any unusual bleeding was a good sign that this isn't a big deal. She said a simple surgery could remove it if necessary.
Lastly Dr. L suggested that we get a post-coital test done. Basically we have intercourse on peak day and within 12-24 hours I come into the office where they take a sample of my mucus. They check it out under the microscope to see if any sperm are swimming. The bad news is they don't have many treatment options if it looks like the sperm aren't swimming through because it means my mucus and my hubby's sperm are incompatable. Does anyone know more about this?
It feels good to be trying something new this cycle with the HCG injection. I will get peak + 7, 9 and 11 bloodwork done since it's been awhile since I've looked at those levels. I am convinced that next cycle I need to move on to FSH injectables. I'm getting close to the end of the line in terms of my options, so what do I have to lose?
That being said, I did get my HCG injection. It's a busy week at Tepeyac for injections since AYWH had hers done on Wednesday and I'm pretty sure we're the only ones getting that done over there!
First Dr. L did a sonogram to see what was going on. As always she checked both ovaries and the uterine lining. It was clear that I was ovulating from my left ovary and technically I had already ovulated. The follicle was mis-shapen and had a thicker membrane (or something like that.) That in addition to some fluid behind the ovaries confirmed that I was in the process of ovulating. I was concerned that it was too late for the HCG injection since its purpose is to be a trigger. But she said it was still fine to get it. It would strengthen the egg and other developing follicles.
Unfortunately she noticed something abnormal in my uterine lining that she thinks is a polyp. Apparently it's not a huge concern and it's debatable if it will affect my fertility or not. But I definitely don't like the idea of something unnecessarily growing in my uterus! I have had recent sono's done before with Dr. L and she has never noticed it before, so I wonder if it is a recent development.
I asked Dr.L if she thinks my ovulatory drugs could be the cause. I have been on either clomid, femara or tamoxifen for about three years now. She said there is a good chance that could be to blame. Some women (generally older) who have previously had breast cancer take high doses of tamoxifen daily and some of them have developed uterine polyps and uterine cancer.
Dr. L said we could take a better look at it next cycle and see what's going on. The fact that I haven't had any unusual bleeding was a good sign that this isn't a big deal. She said a simple surgery could remove it if necessary.
Lastly Dr. L suggested that we get a post-coital test done. Basically we have intercourse on peak day and within 12-24 hours I come into the office where they take a sample of my mucus. They check it out under the microscope to see if any sperm are swimming. The bad news is they don't have many treatment options if it looks like the sperm aren't swimming through because it means my mucus and my hubby's sperm are incompatable. Does anyone know more about this?
It feels good to be trying something new this cycle with the HCG injection. I will get peak + 7, 9 and 11 bloodwork done since it's been awhile since I've looked at those levels. I am convinced that next cycle I need to move on to FSH injectables. I'm getting close to the end of the line in terms of my options, so what do I have to lose?
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Blog-iversary and Dinner
Happy Blog-iversary to me! One year ago today I started this blog. How is that possible? Instead of dwelling on the fact that another year went by without a baby, I am going to focus on the INCREDIBLE amout of love, support, encouragement, and friendship I have been blessed with. Truly, I give thanks and praise to God for this blessing. You all have been a huge source of comfort to me and I am so blessed with your gift of friendship. I have met some amazing and faithful women and you have all touched my life deeply.
My fabulous dinner last night was a perfect celebration of my blog-iversary! Well, really it had nothing to do with that... but I found the timing perfect! Sew was in town for her sister's Confirmation and it was a great chance for some of us to get together.
Seriously, you ladies are wonderful. I am so lucky that I've been able to meet so many of you in person. I said the same thing about the coffee-get-together last month, but it truly breaks my heart to look around the table and know that you are walking this same difficult road as me.
We went to a lovely restaurant and had some yummy dinner and drinks. (They even had a gluten-free menu for those who needed it!) Perhaps the funniest part of the night was when we were seated. As we were sitting down the waitress asked, "So ladies, are we celebrating anything special tonight?" We all just laughed out loud and no one responded right away. Finally the waitress said, "Just celebrating that it's Friday?" Um, yeah, something like that. :)
I could have stayed all night talking to these women... if it weren't for the pesky server making it obvious that we needed to leave! Of course we discussed infertility and faith. But I also found myself asking some basic questions like, "Now where do you live again? Where did you grow up?" It's amazing how deeply we know one another, and yet in some ways we don't. Our relationship to one another is very unique. Even if we don't know some of the basic facts, we do know what is in the depths of each other's hearts. We have a bond and a connection that is very deep.
Here is a picture of us. Thank you ladies for a fabulous evening!
My fabulous dinner last night was a perfect celebration of my blog-iversary! Well, really it had nothing to do with that... but I found the timing perfect! Sew was in town for her sister's Confirmation and it was a great chance for some of us to get together.
Seriously, you ladies are wonderful. I am so lucky that I've been able to meet so many of you in person. I said the same thing about the coffee-get-together last month, but it truly breaks my heart to look around the table and know that you are walking this same difficult road as me.
We went to a lovely restaurant and had some yummy dinner and drinks. (They even had a gluten-free menu for those who needed it!) Perhaps the funniest part of the night was when we were seated. As we were sitting down the waitress asked, "So ladies, are we celebrating anything special tonight?" We all just laughed out loud and no one responded right away. Finally the waitress said, "Just celebrating that it's Friday?" Um, yeah, something like that. :)
I could have stayed all night talking to these women... if it weren't for the pesky server making it obvious that we needed to leave! Of course we discussed infertility and faith. But I also found myself asking some basic questions like, "Now where do you live again? Where did you grow up?" It's amazing how deeply we know one another, and yet in some ways we don't. Our relationship to one another is very unique. Even if we don't know some of the basic facts, we do know what is in the depths of each other's hearts. We have a bond and a connection that is very deep.
Here is a picture of us. Thank you ladies for a fabulous evening!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Here we go again
Yesterday I picked up my Tamoxifen prescription and ordered my HCG injection from Freedom Pharmacy. It's hard to explain how I feel about my cycles these days. I really don't have much hope or expectations for conceiving - which I'm 100% sure is a result of me trying to protect my heart. I've developed this attitude of, "Oh well, who cares, I know it's not going to happen, what does it matter if I try something new?"
When I went to pick up my Tamoxifen last night it wasn't ready and the pharmacist said there was a problem with the order. She called Tepeyac but it was 4:45pm so no one picked up. In the past I would have freaked out, especially since it was already the evening of Day 3, so I needed to take it ASAP. My first thought was, "Oh well, I guess I'll just skip it this cycle." But it turns out that I had a refill from an old prescription, so she was able to use that.
I had the same feelings last month when my HCG injection never arrived and I realized it didn't matter because my O day was over Labor Day weekend. It really didn't phase me at all. I've also been meaning to get my bloodwork done on peak+7 for the last 2 cycles and have just been too lazy to get it done. What's the point? Besides keeping track of when my cycle begins and when I ovulate, I have pretty much stopped charting as well.
I can't tell if this is a good approach - somewhat of a "let go and let God" attitude. Or if I am just being negative and pessimistic and lazy. I think more than anything I am just tired. I'm so over it. I feel as if I've been grasping at straws for so long now.
As I mentioned, I ordered another HCG injection for this cycle, so I am looking forward to giving that a shot. ;) Despite everything I've just said about my current attitude, deep down I do hope that trying something new will work. It looks like my O day will be on a Friday, so I already scheduled my sonogram with Dr. L for that morning. Hopefully it's the right day, otherwise I'll be out of luck again because of the weekend.
I am really looking forward to my dinner plans on Friday night!! Sew is going to be in town so we are meeting up for dinner with a few other gals. I can't wait to meet in-real-life Sew, along with the other ladies who can make it. I know that Call Me Mama will be there and I think Fertile Thoughts and Finding Joy in Every Journey are also coming!
When I went to pick up my Tamoxifen last night it wasn't ready and the pharmacist said there was a problem with the order. She called Tepeyac but it was 4:45pm so no one picked up. In the past I would have freaked out, especially since it was already the evening of Day 3, so I needed to take it ASAP. My first thought was, "Oh well, I guess I'll just skip it this cycle." But it turns out that I had a refill from an old prescription, so she was able to use that.
I had the same feelings last month when my HCG injection never arrived and I realized it didn't matter because my O day was over Labor Day weekend. It really didn't phase me at all. I've also been meaning to get my bloodwork done on peak+7 for the last 2 cycles and have just been too lazy to get it done. What's the point? Besides keeping track of when my cycle begins and when I ovulate, I have pretty much stopped charting as well.
I can't tell if this is a good approach - somewhat of a "let go and let God" attitude. Or if I am just being negative and pessimistic and lazy. I think more than anything I am just tired. I'm so over it. I feel as if I've been grasping at straws for so long now.
As I mentioned, I ordered another HCG injection for this cycle, so I am looking forward to giving that a shot. ;) Despite everything I've just said about my current attitude, deep down I do hope that trying something new will work. It looks like my O day will be on a Friday, so I already scheduled my sonogram with Dr. L for that morning. Hopefully it's the right day, otherwise I'll be out of luck again because of the weekend.
I am really looking forward to my dinner plans on Friday night!! Sew is going to be in town so we are meeting up for dinner with a few other gals. I can't wait to meet in-real-life Sew, along with the other ladies who can make it. I know that Call Me Mama will be there and I think Fertile Thoughts and Finding Joy in Every Journey are also coming!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
New Cycle
Things have gotten pretty busy around here for me. Thankfully I survived the camping trip with my students. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I actually volunteered to go on the trip. I've done it for the past three years and I really don't mind it. My hubby and I love to camp and hike and do things outdoors. But of course it's always different when it involves sixty 5th and 6th graders! Overall everything went really well - considering that in years past we have had to send kids home because of injuries, fighting and homesickness. This year was pretty mellow. Our only trouble was the weather. It was pretty chilly and rainy. Unfortunately the worst weather was on our rafting day. It's not quite as exciting to jump in the river when it's 62 degrees and raining. But we did it and the kids had a blast. My shower on Friday night was so amazing after all that time outside.
Yesterday we had friends over to watch football. We had a great time with our friends, but both USC and Nebraska lost heart-breaking games. I can't really talk about it... we were both really bummed out. I did use my Nebraska-shaped cookie cutter, which I don't always have the opportunity to do. Here are the cookies I made!
To add to the disappointment I started a new cycle last night. Oh joy. I knew it was coming, but that doesn't make it any easier. I will call Dr. L tomorrow to see about my Tamoxifen prescription and to see about trying the HCG trigger shot since it didn't work out last time. I don't even know what to say anymore about my cycles. I almost feel numb. I don't really have any expectations and therefore I'm not surprised when I get my period. I guess it's a way to protect my heart - in a way I pretend that I don't really care, when obviously I do. It's depressing to realize how the time continues to fly by. There are things that I am looking forward to... my birthday party next month, we've already made our Thanksgiving and Christmas plans with family, our trip in the spring, etc. But it saddens me to think that most likely, our situation won't have changed at all. We are moving along with the adoption paperwork - just a few things left to complete. But that is also a disheartening subject considering the long expected wait.
I started a new book today on the Discernments of Spirits. So far it has been really good. I hope that I can stick with it and that it will help me. It's based on the writings of St. Ignatius of Loyola and the goal is to help you distinguish between what is from God and what is not. I definitely could use some help with that. I will keep you posted!
Oh, and last but not least this week is my one-year blog anniversary! I will have to think of something good for that post. I am so thankful for you all and you continue to be in my daily prayers.
Yesterday we had friends over to watch football. We had a great time with our friends, but both USC and Nebraska lost heart-breaking games. I can't really talk about it... we were both really bummed out. I did use my Nebraska-shaped cookie cutter, which I don't always have the opportunity to do. Here are the cookies I made!
To add to the disappointment I started a new cycle last night. Oh joy. I knew it was coming, but that doesn't make it any easier. I will call Dr. L tomorrow to see about my Tamoxifen prescription and to see about trying the HCG trigger shot since it didn't work out last time. I don't even know what to say anymore about my cycles. I almost feel numb. I don't really have any expectations and therefore I'm not surprised when I get my period. I guess it's a way to protect my heart - in a way I pretend that I don't really care, when obviously I do. It's depressing to realize how the time continues to fly by. There are things that I am looking forward to... my birthday party next month, we've already made our Thanksgiving and Christmas plans with family, our trip in the spring, etc. But it saddens me to think that most likely, our situation won't have changed at all. We are moving along with the adoption paperwork - just a few things left to complete. But that is also a disheartening subject considering the long expected wait.
I started a new book today on the Discernments of Spirits. So far it has been really good. I hope that I can stick with it and that it will help me. It's based on the writings of St. Ignatius of Loyola and the goal is to help you distinguish between what is from God and what is not. I definitely could use some help with that. I will keep you posted!
Oh, and last but not least this week is my one-year blog anniversary! I will have to think of something good for that post. I am so thankful for you all and you continue to be in my daily prayers.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Football and Camping
My hubby and I had an AWESOME time at the football game last weekend! The game itself was one for the record books - USC came from behind to score in the final minute to win the game. I couldn't believe it! I had pretty much given up and thought we would lose. I was really impressed with our new freshman quarterback that he was able to put together an amazing game-winning drive.
It was great to experience Columbus and Ohio Stadium. The OSU fans were amazing - they stood and cheered the entire game. They were so loud, my ears actually hurt! I loved the atmosphere of 100,000 fans going crazy for their team. Here are a few pics.
Me and hubby behind the ESPN GameDay stage. The camera panned us a couple of times, but we didn't got on TV.
My mom, me, hubby and my dad outside the stadium.
Me and Brutus, the Buckeye.
Me and hubby in the stadium before the game.
I will have to write more later, because I'm going camping today with our 5th and 6th grade students. Pray for us because it's supposed to rain. I go on this trip every year and for the most part it is a lot of fun. Today we are hiking, tomorrow we are rafting on the Potomac River and Friday we do the ropes course. The worst part is no showers... hopefully I can survive until Friday night!
It was great to experience Columbus and Ohio Stadium. The OSU fans were amazing - they stood and cheered the entire game. They were so loud, my ears actually hurt! I loved the atmosphere of 100,000 fans going crazy for their team. Here are a few pics.
Me and hubby behind the ESPN GameDay stage. The camera panned us a couple of times, but we didn't got on TV.
My mom, me, hubby and my dad outside the stadium.
Me and Brutus, the Buckeye.
Me and hubby in the stadium before the game.
I will have to write more later, because I'm going camping today with our 5th and 6th grade students. Pray for us because it's supposed to rain. I go on this trip every year and for the most part it is a lot of fun. Today we are hiking, tomorrow we are rafting on the Potomac River and Friday we do the ropes course. The worst part is no showers... hopefully I can survive until Friday night!
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