I feel like I'm always starting my posts with, "Ahh! I've got so much going on!" But this is definitly the case for the month of May. Things at school are about as hectic as they can get. Tomorrow will be a big day for my play because it's our first dress rehearsal. We rehearse from 8:30am - 6:00pm. Yikes! But it will be good. We will use lights, sound, mics, props and costumes for the first time. My students are working hard, but now is when we really pull it all together. This is our first year performing to a CD - usually we have the student band play - so at least that is one less thing to worry about.
As if things weren't busy enough, the Head came up to me yesterday and said that she wanted us to do a May Crowning. I love the idea, I've actually thought about doing one before, but the timing is pretty bad for me. I've been scrambling to get together a prayer service, a crown, and rehearse with the students before Monday morning. It will be simple, but nice.
Please pray for me because I just started the Theology of the Body unit with my eighth graders. I love teaching this curriculum, but of course it brings up a lot of challenging topics - especially for this age. Pray that it goes well! I love being able to plant these seeds before they go off to high school.
I had intended to write some thoughtful posts this week about St. Gianna and St. Catherine of Siena. I love both of these holy women! Instead I will have to settle for asking their intercession during this crazy time. Pray for us!
Lastly, has anyone heard that this week is National Infertility Awareness Week? A friend of mine had it written on her facebook status update yesterday and I had never heard anything about it before. Know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers as we travel this difficult road together.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
A New Step
My hubby and I had a coffee date this morning to discuss adoption. We've been discussing adoption on and off for about a year now, ever since we attended information sessions at two different agencies last summer. We both have had mixed feelings about the whole process and recently I was so discouraged to hear that adoption continues to get more and more difficult. Infertility has already given us so much to deal with, it makes me sad that adoption brings with it so many more challenges.
That being said, we have decided to more forward with this new step. We began filling out the paperwork and discussing our plan. For now we are just going to focus on getting homestudy approved. The process can be so long and involved, we figured that we may as well get going. If you remember my earlier post, our local agency has an extremely long waiting list. They sent me a list of out-of-state agencies they suggest we research and possibly use. But for now we are just focusing on this. It feels good to make one step forward!
So much of IF is out of our control - pretty much all of it! I'm sure this is just one (of many) lessons that God is trying to teach me. I try so hard to surrender it all to Him, but some days I just grab control of the reigns again. I have to remind myself daily that all things work for good for those who love the Lord. Some days this is easier than others.
It was helpful to read this post about adoption (thanks Grace in my Heart!!) I still can't get over the idea of advertising and marketing yourself in order to find a baby. But I can say that many things in my life have happened because of word-of-mouth. It can't hurt to tell everyone you know that you're looking to adopt and hope they might know someone. It's all in God's hands, so I pray that I am open to receiving what He has planned for us.
That being said, we have decided to more forward with this new step. We began filling out the paperwork and discussing our plan. For now we are just going to focus on getting homestudy approved. The process can be so long and involved, we figured that we may as well get going. If you remember my earlier post, our local agency has an extremely long waiting list. They sent me a list of out-of-state agencies they suggest we research and possibly use. But for now we are just focusing on this. It feels good to make one step forward!
So much of IF is out of our control - pretty much all of it! I'm sure this is just one (of many) lessons that God is trying to teach me. I try so hard to surrender it all to Him, but some days I just grab control of the reigns again. I have to remind myself daily that all things work for good for those who love the Lord. Some days this is easier than others.
It was helpful to read this post about adoption (thanks Grace in my Heart!!) I still can't get over the idea of advertising and marketing yourself in order to find a baby. But I can say that many things in my life have happened because of word-of-mouth. It can't hurt to tell everyone you know that you're looking to adopt and hope they might know someone. It's all in God's hands, so I pray that I am open to receiving what He has planned for us.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Catching Up
Whew! I have been catching up and trying to catch my breath ever since I got home Sunday night. Unfortunately my flight was delayed about 3 hours, so that didn't help. We got home after midnight and I literally collapsed into bed. It was all I could do to get through Monday and I was asleep on the couch around 7:30pm - so sad! Thankfully last night I started to pull myself together. I finally unpacked and started a couple of loads of laundry. Although I had to make a cup of coffee after dinner to get myself going. I hate starting the week "behind" if you know what I mean.
Things at school are about as busy as they can get. We are in the final weeks of rehearsal for my play. As my hubby was reminding me this morning, "It will all come together in the end." I know this is true, but that doesn't make this time any less stressful! Since our stage is in the Gym, we don't get to rehearse on the stage until the last couple of weeks. And to do this we have to kick out the PE classes, which is never well-received. Thankfully the kids are in good shape for the most part. Now we have to pull together all the sets, props and special effects. Since we're doing "Willy Wonka" we have a lot more special effects than in the past - Agustus falls into the chocolate fountain, Violet becomes an exploding blueberry, Veruca falls into the nut shoot, Mike jumps into the TV and shrinks and Charlie has to fly after drinking the fizzy lifting drink. Ah! I'm getting nervous just thinking about it all. My poor hubby doesn't get many home-cooked meals when it's play time. I turn into a crazy lady and I stay at school way too late! But it's truly a labor of love because I love sharing theater with the students. It will all be worth it in the end.
In terms of cycle update, there isn't too much to report. Unfortunately I was not able to see my doctor during days 1-3. I had hoped to get in on Monday (which would have been cycle day 4), but she had no availability. Generally the nurses are able to squeeze you in if you need to see the doctor on a particular cycle day. But it didn't work this time. The nurses informed me that she was already double-booked all day.
Over the weekend I decided that I still wanted to see my doctor ASAP. Even though we wouldn't be able to make any changes in my medication for this cycle, I want to discuss some things with her. I'm super curious if she has any thoughts on the three blood draws I had last cycle. I haven't seen her since February 3rd and we've missed two cycles in a row because of schedule conflicts. I called the office on Monday and the front desk informed me that the first available appointment would be May 11th! I couldn't believe it! I told her that if I have my usual cycle length, I would at least need to see the doctor on May 5th-7th. So I scheduled an appointment for May 7th - hopefully that will fall within the range of cycle days 1-3 of my next cycle. I know the time will fly and it will be here before I know it, but I was really hoping to see her sooner. I'm so disappointed that I'm on my fifth cycle past surgery and not only am I not pregnant, but my cycles are still so short. I'm starting to fear that we might be one of those couples with unexplained infertility and it will just never happen for us. I don't want to be this way, but sometimes I just can't help it.
I'll end with a few pictures from my time in California... I had such a great week!
I went to an Italian restaurant with my parents, my brother and his wife...
It was so amazing to see Immaculee speak at my conference!
On Saturday we went to USC's campus to watch football spring practice. One of my dreams came true and I got to take a picture with Coach Pete Carroll! (Never mind that I had to stalk him like a crazy lady...)
This is #13 Stafon Johnson - starting tailback.
New QB Matt Barkley - he graduated early from my old high school so that he could begin practicing with USC.
Me and my bro.
Most famous spot on campus - Tommy Trojan statue!
This is the new Cinema building on campus. Doesn't it look like a resort?!
Things at school are about as busy as they can get. We are in the final weeks of rehearsal for my play. As my hubby was reminding me this morning, "It will all come together in the end." I know this is true, but that doesn't make this time any less stressful! Since our stage is in the Gym, we don't get to rehearse on the stage until the last couple of weeks. And to do this we have to kick out the PE classes, which is never well-received. Thankfully the kids are in good shape for the most part. Now we have to pull together all the sets, props and special effects. Since we're doing "Willy Wonka" we have a lot more special effects than in the past - Agustus falls into the chocolate fountain, Violet becomes an exploding blueberry, Veruca falls into the nut shoot, Mike jumps into the TV and shrinks and Charlie has to fly after drinking the fizzy lifting drink. Ah! I'm getting nervous just thinking about it all. My poor hubby doesn't get many home-cooked meals when it's play time. I turn into a crazy lady and I stay at school way too late! But it's truly a labor of love because I love sharing theater with the students. It will all be worth it in the end.
In terms of cycle update, there isn't too much to report. Unfortunately I was not able to see my doctor during days 1-3. I had hoped to get in on Monday (which would have been cycle day 4), but she had no availability. Generally the nurses are able to squeeze you in if you need to see the doctor on a particular cycle day. But it didn't work this time. The nurses informed me that she was already double-booked all day.
Over the weekend I decided that I still wanted to see my doctor ASAP. Even though we wouldn't be able to make any changes in my medication for this cycle, I want to discuss some things with her. I'm super curious if she has any thoughts on the three blood draws I had last cycle. I haven't seen her since February 3rd and we've missed two cycles in a row because of schedule conflicts. I called the office on Monday and the front desk informed me that the first available appointment would be May 11th! I couldn't believe it! I told her that if I have my usual cycle length, I would at least need to see the doctor on May 5th-7th. So I scheduled an appointment for May 7th - hopefully that will fall within the range of cycle days 1-3 of my next cycle. I know the time will fly and it will be here before I know it, but I was really hoping to see her sooner. I'm so disappointed that I'm on my fifth cycle past surgery and not only am I not pregnant, but my cycles are still so short. I'm starting to fear that we might be one of those couples with unexplained infertility and it will just never happen for us. I don't want to be this way, but sometimes I just can't help it.
I'll end with a few pictures from my time in California... I had such a great week!
I went to an Italian restaurant with my parents, my brother and his wife...
It was so amazing to see Immaculee speak at my conference!
On Saturday we went to USC's campus to watch football spring practice. One of my dreams came true and I got to take a picture with Coach Pete Carroll! (Never mind that I had to stalk him like a crazy lady...)
This is #13 Stafon Johnson - starting tailback.
New QB Matt Barkley - he graduated early from my old high school so that he could begin practicing with USC.
Me and my bro.
Most famous spot on campus - Tommy Trojan statue!
This is the new Cinema building on campus. Doesn't it look like a resort?!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Quick Update **updated
Thankfully my head has stopped spinning (from my last post!) My conference was really great - all three days were full of great speakers, workshops and the exhibit booths were amazing. I did SO MUCH shopping! I told my hubby that he's lucky I have a school budget to play with. It satisfies my shopping need without depleting our bank account! :) I just couldn't stop buying books - there were so many great resources for the classroom. I was like a kid in a candy shop. Everywhere I turned there was another great booth!
I've had an amazing time catching up with friends and family in the area. It's been almost 8 years since I've lived in California and I've definitely lost touch with many people. I know it's inevitable when you move so far and start new chapters in your life. I'm pretty exhausted from running around all over Orange County seeing people, but it's been wonderful to catch up on the lives of these people.
My doctor's office called with the results from my second blood test. The nurse said that my progesterone was just ok (I think the number was in the teens) and my estradiol was not good (something in the 40s.) I can't remember the exact numbers. I am super curious what the third blood test will show, although I'm sure the numbers will be even lower. Today is cycle day 27, so I am thrilled that I've made it this far. Although I started having PMS and I'm pretty sure my new cycle will begin any day now. I'm just praying that it holds off for a couple of days. My doctor wants to see me during cycle days 1-3 and I don't get home until Sunday night. AF - PLEASE WAIT JUST A COUPLE MORE DAYS!!
Any thoughts on what causes my levels to drop? I'm really hoping these new numbers give my doctor something to work with. I've had GREAT results on peak+7 for the last couple of months, but this is my first time having three blood draws. In case you've forgotten, I'm on Tamoxifen during days 3-7 and Prometrium starting on peak+2 for 12 days. Diagnose away!
*Update
Today is not cycle day 27, but rather cycle day 1. Oh joy. Just called my doctor's office to schedule an appointment for Monday when I return. I HOPE I can get in!
I've had an amazing time catching up with friends and family in the area. It's been almost 8 years since I've lived in California and I've definitely lost touch with many people. I know it's inevitable when you move so far and start new chapters in your life. I'm pretty exhausted from running around all over Orange County seeing people, but it's been wonderful to catch up on the lives of these people.
My doctor's office called with the results from my second blood test. The nurse said that my progesterone was just ok (I think the number was in the teens) and my estradiol was not good (something in the 40s.) I can't remember the exact numbers. I am super curious what the third blood test will show, although I'm sure the numbers will be even lower. Today is cycle day 27, so I am thrilled that I've made it this far. Although I started having PMS and I'm pretty sure my new cycle will begin any day now. I'm just praying that it holds off for a couple of days. My doctor wants to see me during cycle days 1-3 and I don't get home until Sunday night. AF - PLEASE WAIT JUST A COUPLE MORE DAYS!!
Any thoughts on what causes my levels to drop? I'm really hoping these new numbers give my doctor something to work with. I've had GREAT results on peak+7 for the last couple of months, but this is my first time having three blood draws. In case you've forgotten, I'm on Tamoxifen during days 3-7 and Prometrium starting on peak+2 for 12 days. Diagnose away!
*Update
Today is not cycle day 27, but rather cycle day 1. Oh joy. Just called my doctor's office to schedule an appointment for Monday when I return. I HOPE I can get in!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
World's Colliding and Cycle Update
Wow, I have so much to say and so little time. I'm having a great week here in California, but I'm worried that it's going to fly by like it always does!
I'm here for the NCEA (national catholic educators association) convention and of course to spend time with my friends and family. Yesterday was the first day of the convention and it was great. Although I left completely exhausted and overwhelmed, mostly because all of my worlds were colliding. It was crazy! Have you ever had that experience where people and places from various parts of your life were all brought together? Having grown up in California and now living on the East Coast, this happens to me once in awhile. I knew that I would probably see certain people at this convention, but within the first hour I had seen about 10 people from my past - all of them played a role in my faith formation growing up. And now here I am attending this conference as one of their colleagues.
I felt such a range of emotions all at once: joy at seeing these dear people; nostalgia for my "old" life that seems so far away; sadness that I am no longer close to these friends; and peace that God has brought me full circle in a way. It was beautiful for me to reflect on the journey that my life has taken me. (Although it made me feel old!!) And while I never expected to live so far from my home, I am absolutely confident that I am where God wants me to be. I could see so clearly how all these people and experiences from my past helped shape who I am today and led me to where I am now.
One of the first things to be announced during the opening ceremony was that Archbishop Wuerl (from my diocese) would not be attending the conference as planned because he had to say the funeral Mass for one of the priests in his diocese. Can you believe it??? I had no idea he was supposed to be here, but I am so glad that he chose to stay and say the Mass for Fr. Bill. It was just another example of my world's colliding. Here I am in California and they are talking about Fr. Bill's death which I just witnessed on Holy Thursday night. It really is a small world.
During the Mass I got to help as a Eucharistic Minister. It was so beautiful! I wasn't planning to participate in the Mass, but I ended up being the minister of the Precious Blood RIGHT NEXT to the Bishop. It was crazy!
Of course you know that IF has to rear its ugly head everywhere. Some of these people I ran into hadn't seen me since my wedding almost four years ago. A few of them immediately asked if we had kids and how many. It breaks my heart to have to answer that question. Especially since it was not the time for a long drawn out conversation. My only answer could be, "No, not yet." For me, these are the most painful moments. When I can't explain to someone what's really going on. They have no clue what kind of question they are asking. And yet it truly rips my heart in two. I want nothing more than to say we're working on our large brood of kids.
Although as I'm sitting here reflecting on my day yesterday, it's hitting me that I wouldn't be at the conference if I did have kids. I wouldn't be teaching and I might not have run into some of these people. I have to remind myself daily (constantly!) that I am surrendering to God's will and God's plans. As my Jeremiah quote says, God's plans are for our good and His plans give us a future full of hope. I have to remind myself of this in these painful moments.
This morning I will get my blood drawn before the conference. Thankfully it is no problem to get it done while I'm out here. I ended up getting it drawn on Saturday (peak + 6), on Monday (peak + 8) and today will be peak + 10. My doctor's office called with the first results - estrodial was in the 200s and progesterone was in the 30s. My doctor thought both of those levels looked great. I'm amazed though, because the past two months my progesterone has been in the 300s. How can both 30 and 300 be "great"??? I just don't understand these levels. I wonder if it was a bit lower since my bloodwork was on peak + 6 instead of 7. Oh well, I'm just curious to see how my levels change over these days. And of course I'm praying for a longer cycle.
Today the keynote speaker is going to be Immaculee!! I can't wait! I'm curious if her presentation will be similar to the one I heard in February. My mom is going to sneak in with me so that she can listen. Both of my parents have read her book and they love her too! :)
I'm here for the NCEA (national catholic educators association) convention and of course to spend time with my friends and family. Yesterday was the first day of the convention and it was great. Although I left completely exhausted and overwhelmed, mostly because all of my worlds were colliding. It was crazy! Have you ever had that experience where people and places from various parts of your life were all brought together? Having grown up in California and now living on the East Coast, this happens to me once in awhile. I knew that I would probably see certain people at this convention, but within the first hour I had seen about 10 people from my past - all of them played a role in my faith formation growing up. And now here I am attending this conference as one of their colleagues.
I felt such a range of emotions all at once: joy at seeing these dear people; nostalgia for my "old" life that seems so far away; sadness that I am no longer close to these friends; and peace that God has brought me full circle in a way. It was beautiful for me to reflect on the journey that my life has taken me. (Although it made me feel old!!) And while I never expected to live so far from my home, I am absolutely confident that I am where God wants me to be. I could see so clearly how all these people and experiences from my past helped shape who I am today and led me to where I am now.
One of the first things to be announced during the opening ceremony was that Archbishop Wuerl (from my diocese) would not be attending the conference as planned because he had to say the funeral Mass for one of the priests in his diocese. Can you believe it??? I had no idea he was supposed to be here, but I am so glad that he chose to stay and say the Mass for Fr. Bill. It was just another example of my world's colliding. Here I am in California and they are talking about Fr. Bill's death which I just witnessed on Holy Thursday night. It really is a small world.
During the Mass I got to help as a Eucharistic Minister. It was so beautiful! I wasn't planning to participate in the Mass, but I ended up being the minister of the Precious Blood RIGHT NEXT to the Bishop. It was crazy!
Of course you know that IF has to rear its ugly head everywhere. Some of these people I ran into hadn't seen me since my wedding almost four years ago. A few of them immediately asked if we had kids and how many. It breaks my heart to have to answer that question. Especially since it was not the time for a long drawn out conversation. My only answer could be, "No, not yet." For me, these are the most painful moments. When I can't explain to someone what's really going on. They have no clue what kind of question they are asking. And yet it truly rips my heart in two. I want nothing more than to say we're working on our large brood of kids.
Although as I'm sitting here reflecting on my day yesterday, it's hitting me that I wouldn't be at the conference if I did have kids. I wouldn't be teaching and I might not have run into some of these people. I have to remind myself daily (constantly!) that I am surrendering to God's will and God's plans. As my Jeremiah quote says, God's plans are for our good and His plans give us a future full of hope. I have to remind myself of this in these painful moments.
This morning I will get my blood drawn before the conference. Thankfully it is no problem to get it done while I'm out here. I ended up getting it drawn on Saturday (peak + 6), on Monday (peak + 8) and today will be peak + 10. My doctor's office called with the first results - estrodial was in the 200s and progesterone was in the 30s. My doctor thought both of those levels looked great. I'm amazed though, because the past two months my progesterone has been in the 300s. How can both 30 and 300 be "great"??? I just don't understand these levels. I wonder if it was a bit lower since my bloodwork was on peak + 6 instead of 7. Oh well, I'm just curious to see how my levels change over these days. And of course I'm praying for a longer cycle.
Today the keynote speaker is going to be Immaculee!! I can't wait! I'm curious if her presentation will be similar to the one I heard in February. My mom is going to sneak in with me so that she can listen. Both of my parents have read her book and they love her too! :)
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Happy Easter!
Happy Easter! Alleluia, He is Risen! I hope that everyone is having a beautiful Easter celebration with their friends and families. May the peace of the risen Christ be with us all.
I wanted to share this beautiful article on Fr. Bill from this morning's Washington Post. I know he would be pleased that even in death, he continues to preach the Gospel. His life and death are a beautiful testament to his faith in God. I pray that all who read this article will be touched by his story.
Maryland Priest's Death Adds Meaning to Holy Week
Parishioners Find Symbolism in Loss
Rev. Finch had a heart attack Thursday after saying Mass. (Courtesy Of St. Raphael Catholic Church - Courtesy Of St. Raphael Catholic Church)
By Michelle Boorstein
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Dying on Holy Thursday -- the day marking the creation of the priesthood -- on the floor of his parish's sanctuary, under the eyes of a statue of the patron saint of happy deaths, the Rev. G. William Finch left his Rockville congregation with powerful Easter symbolism.
Even as St. Raphael Catholic Church, one of the region's few Roman Catholic megachurches, mourned its pastor, members said yesterday that the imagery was striking. Not only did Finch die just after he finished saying Mass, surrounded by parishioners praying the rosary and priests anointing him, next to the statue of Saint Joseph, but it happened just before Easter, a time when Christians focus intensely on mortality.
That left Finch's community grief-stricken and inspired by the memory of a jolly 55-year-old who loved red wine, Italian food and dancing fervently.
"As tragic as it was, it was kind of perfect," John Reutemann, a seminarian who grew up at St. Raphael's, said yesterday afternoon in the sanctuary, which was quiet except for the organist practicing for last night's Easter Vigil and for today's services. "He celebrated the priesthood, had a great bottle of wine [the night before, for his birthday], celebrated Mass, Saint Joseph looking down at him. That's the way to go!"
Finch, a St. Mary's County native, charged into St. Raphael's parish seven years ago with a burst of energy. He took a popular nursery school with almost 200 students and started adding elementary grades. There are now 100 students from kindergarten through third grade, and the school is set to break ground on a new building this year.
He remodeled the church, commissioning Italian artists to create a marble altar, designing a garden, lightening the color of the wooden pews and dragging out of storage statues of Mary and Joseph that would ultimately play a role in his passing. He expanded the youth program for St. Raphael's, an 11,000-member church with seven Masses every Sunday and a compound of buildings that almost fills a suburban block.
When Hurricane Katrina struck in 2005, Finch raised $100,000 from the congregation and brought to Montgomery County 20 people from New Orleans who needed help getting on their feet.
"You know how they say Diana was 'the people's princess'? Well, he was the parishioners' pastor -- zestful, full of life, the epitome of the Lord's servant," said Matt Jeanneret, a parishioner who worked with Finch's youth program and said yesterday he was "in disbelief."
Teri Dwyer, the school's principal, said Finch "was a visionary in his own way. He was going to go for it."
Clergy said Finch had celebrated his birthday Wednesday with schoolchildren singing to him, and at night he shared wine and a hot fudge sundae with fellow priests.
Thursday was the first of three intense days in an intense week: Holy Thursday, which marks the creation of the Eucharist and the sacrament of the priesthood; Good Friday, which commemorates the crucifixion; and yesterday's Easter Vigil, which is when newcomers to Catholicism are baptized.
Finch had just finished leading Mass, and most parishioners were gone when he felt chest pains, the onset of a heart attack. He asked a priest to anoint him, something done for the sick or those near death. He was taken to a hospital but could not be revived.
"It was kind of a beautiful death," Dwyer said, choking back tears. "Sometimes in a priest's life, you're alone. Maybe he could have gone back to his room, but he was right there."
Finch, born a Baptist, converted to Catholicism in his 20s after meeting nuns while doing construction work on a Carmelite monastery. He was ordained a priest in 1989 and had worked at St. Joseph's in Beltsville, St. Mary's in Rockville and St. Ambrose in Cheverly before going to St. Raphael's in 2002. He is survived by five siblings and his mother.
A vigil for him will be held tomorrow from 3 to 9 p.m. at St. Raphael's, including a Mass at 7:30 p.m. The funeral Mass will be celebrated at the church Tuesday by Washington Archbishop Donald W. Wuerl.
Yesterday, clergy and parishioners were racing around trying to organize the most complex liturgical symphony of the year without the conductor.
"For him to die on Holy Thursday, his death makes more intense all the basic questions, the mysteries we are trying to explore this time of year: What is our faith? What is our life?" said the Rev. Terry Ehrman, who anointed Finch as he was dying. "It makes it all more alive."
I wanted to share this beautiful article on Fr. Bill from this morning's Washington Post. I know he would be pleased that even in death, he continues to preach the Gospel. His life and death are a beautiful testament to his faith in God. I pray that all who read this article will be touched by his story.
Maryland Priest's Death Adds Meaning to Holy Week
Parishioners Find Symbolism in Loss
Rev. Finch had a heart attack Thursday after saying Mass. (Courtesy Of St. Raphael Catholic Church - Courtesy Of St. Raphael Catholic Church)
By Michelle Boorstein
Washington Post Staff Writer
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Dying on Holy Thursday -- the day marking the creation of the priesthood -- on the floor of his parish's sanctuary, under the eyes of a statue of the patron saint of happy deaths, the Rev. G. William Finch left his Rockville congregation with powerful Easter symbolism.
Even as St. Raphael Catholic Church, one of the region's few Roman Catholic megachurches, mourned its pastor, members said yesterday that the imagery was striking. Not only did Finch die just after he finished saying Mass, surrounded by parishioners praying the rosary and priests anointing him, next to the statue of Saint Joseph, but it happened just before Easter, a time when Christians focus intensely on mortality.
That left Finch's community grief-stricken and inspired by the memory of a jolly 55-year-old who loved red wine, Italian food and dancing fervently.
"As tragic as it was, it was kind of perfect," John Reutemann, a seminarian who grew up at St. Raphael's, said yesterday afternoon in the sanctuary, which was quiet except for the organist practicing for last night's Easter Vigil and for today's services. "He celebrated the priesthood, had a great bottle of wine [the night before, for his birthday], celebrated Mass, Saint Joseph looking down at him. That's the way to go!"
Finch, a St. Mary's County native, charged into St. Raphael's parish seven years ago with a burst of energy. He took a popular nursery school with almost 200 students and started adding elementary grades. There are now 100 students from kindergarten through third grade, and the school is set to break ground on a new building this year.
He remodeled the church, commissioning Italian artists to create a marble altar, designing a garden, lightening the color of the wooden pews and dragging out of storage statues of Mary and Joseph that would ultimately play a role in his passing. He expanded the youth program for St. Raphael's, an 11,000-member church with seven Masses every Sunday and a compound of buildings that almost fills a suburban block.
When Hurricane Katrina struck in 2005, Finch raised $100,000 from the congregation and brought to Montgomery County 20 people from New Orleans who needed help getting on their feet.
"You know how they say Diana was 'the people's princess'? Well, he was the parishioners' pastor -- zestful, full of life, the epitome of the Lord's servant," said Matt Jeanneret, a parishioner who worked with Finch's youth program and said yesterday he was "in disbelief."
Teri Dwyer, the school's principal, said Finch "was a visionary in his own way. He was going to go for it."
Clergy said Finch had celebrated his birthday Wednesday with schoolchildren singing to him, and at night he shared wine and a hot fudge sundae with fellow priests.
Thursday was the first of three intense days in an intense week: Holy Thursday, which marks the creation of the Eucharist and the sacrament of the priesthood; Good Friday, which commemorates the crucifixion; and yesterday's Easter Vigil, which is when newcomers to Catholicism are baptized.
Finch had just finished leading Mass, and most parishioners were gone when he felt chest pains, the onset of a heart attack. He asked a priest to anoint him, something done for the sick or those near death. He was taken to a hospital but could not be revived.
"It was kind of a beautiful death," Dwyer said, choking back tears. "Sometimes in a priest's life, you're alone. Maybe he could have gone back to his room, but he was right there."
Finch, born a Baptist, converted to Catholicism in his 20s after meeting nuns while doing construction work on a Carmelite monastery. He was ordained a priest in 1989 and had worked at St. Joseph's in Beltsville, St. Mary's in Rockville and St. Ambrose in Cheverly before going to St. Raphael's in 2002. He is survived by five siblings and his mother.
A vigil for him will be held tomorrow from 3 to 9 p.m. at St. Raphael's, including a Mass at 7:30 p.m. The funeral Mass will be celebrated at the church Tuesday by Washington Archbishop Donald W. Wuerl.
Yesterday, clergy and parishioners were racing around trying to organize the most complex liturgical symphony of the year without the conductor.
"For him to die on Holy Thursday, his death makes more intense all the basic questions, the mysteries we are trying to explore this time of year: What is our faith? What is our life?" said the Rev. Terry Ehrman, who anointed Finch as he was dying. "It makes it all more alive."
Friday, April 10, 2009
Sad News
Last night the pastor at my church had a heart attack and died. I was with him when it happened. It is still so unreal and I think I'm in a bit of shock. I keep replaying all the events over and over in my mind and I just can't believe it actually happened.
I sang with the choir for Holy Thursday Mass. At the end of Mass, everyone processed out of the church with the Blessed Sacrament into the hall for adoration. Most of the choir members left after Mass and the church was pretty much empty. I hung around chatting with Fr. T (my spiritual director.) While we were standing there the pastor, Fr. B, came up to us and said that he wasn't feeling well. We told him to sit down and got him some water. He began complaining of chest pains and we could tell that his condition was deteriorating. Thankfully a nurse was near-by and she helped out. I called 911 while the nurse and Fr. T had Fr. B lie down.
The 911 dispatcher had a bunch of questions and Fr. B was answering all of them for me. He was still conscious, but he was in pain and was short of breath. He kept asking, "Where is the ambulance? Are they here yet? Did you give them the right address?" His pain was getting worse and you could tell he was scared. He said to Fr. T, "Anoint me, anoint me. Get the oil." Fr. T had the oil in his pocket and immediately anointed him.
It felt like an eternity waiting for them to arrive. At first they were at the wrong building and the dispatcher called me back. I went outside to help the ambulance find us. By the time I came in with the paramedics he was unresponsive. The nurse had gotten the AED machine from the school and had shocked him once. It didn't work.
The paramedics probably spent 15-20 minutes working on him. They used their AED three times with no success. It was flatline each time. They gave him epinephrine shots and continued compressions the entire time. Eventually they wheeled him out to the ambulance and rushed him to the hospital. He was pronounced dead at the hospital.
Even as I type this it feels like an out-of-body experience. I am in shock and it is all very surreal. I can't believe that I was just talking to Fr. B and now he is gone. Just like that. It all happened so fast - from not feeling well, to chest pains, to being unresponsive. And now he's gone.
He was 55 years old and just celebrated his birthday on Wednesday.
My hubby was remarking that while Fr. B's life was cut short, he did have a "happy death." You know how St. Joseph is the patron of that? Well he died right in front of the St. Joseph statue in our church. It was relatively quick, he had just finished Holy Thursday Mass, and he was anointed by his brother priest before he lost consciousness.
Please join me in praying for his soul, for his family and for our parish community. I have no idea how the priests will be able to function through services this weekend. I am not sure how the parish will get through this time.
May his soul rest in peace and may perpetual light shine upon him.
I sang with the choir for Holy Thursday Mass. At the end of Mass, everyone processed out of the church with the Blessed Sacrament into the hall for adoration. Most of the choir members left after Mass and the church was pretty much empty. I hung around chatting with Fr. T (my spiritual director.) While we were standing there the pastor, Fr. B, came up to us and said that he wasn't feeling well. We told him to sit down and got him some water. He began complaining of chest pains and we could tell that his condition was deteriorating. Thankfully a nurse was near-by and she helped out. I called 911 while the nurse and Fr. T had Fr. B lie down.
The 911 dispatcher had a bunch of questions and Fr. B was answering all of them for me. He was still conscious, but he was in pain and was short of breath. He kept asking, "Where is the ambulance? Are they here yet? Did you give them the right address?" His pain was getting worse and you could tell he was scared. He said to Fr. T, "Anoint me, anoint me. Get the oil." Fr. T had the oil in his pocket and immediately anointed him.
It felt like an eternity waiting for them to arrive. At first they were at the wrong building and the dispatcher called me back. I went outside to help the ambulance find us. By the time I came in with the paramedics he was unresponsive. The nurse had gotten the AED machine from the school and had shocked him once. It didn't work.
The paramedics probably spent 15-20 minutes working on him. They used their AED three times with no success. It was flatline each time. They gave him epinephrine shots and continued compressions the entire time. Eventually they wheeled him out to the ambulance and rushed him to the hospital. He was pronounced dead at the hospital.
Even as I type this it feels like an out-of-body experience. I am in shock and it is all very surreal. I can't believe that I was just talking to Fr. B and now he is gone. Just like that. It all happened so fast - from not feeling well, to chest pains, to being unresponsive. And now he's gone.
He was 55 years old and just celebrated his birthday on Wednesday.
My hubby was remarking that while Fr. B's life was cut short, he did have a "happy death." You know how St. Joseph is the patron of that? Well he died right in front of the St. Joseph statue in our church. It was relatively quick, he had just finished Holy Thursday Mass, and he was anointed by his brother priest before he lost consciousness.
Please join me in praying for his soul, for his family and for our parish community. I have no idea how the priests will be able to function through services this weekend. I am not sure how the parish will get through this time.
May his soul rest in peace and may perpetual light shine upon him.
Monday, April 6, 2009
100th Post
It's hard to believe that this is my 100th post! I was thinking about writing something creative, you know, like "Ode to My Blog" or something like that. But I don't think I have the energy this week for that. So a "regular" post will have to do.
After determining that my peak day was yesterday, I realized that I will need to get my blood drawn while I'm in California next week. Hopefully it won't be a problem. I checked online and there is a LapCorp near my parents house. I called my doctor's office and they said it shouldn't be a problem. They will even fax over the bloodwork orders to that office. I'm mostly concerned that it will be difficult because of the teacher's conference that I'm attending. I will just do my best to get it done! For sure I will be able to get peak + 7, but I was really looking forward to getting it done on + 9 and + 11 as well.
I had coffee with a woman on Saturday who is also dealing with IF. (Hi S!) It was so great to meet her and share our stories. We ended up talking for over 3 hours! It was another reminder to me about how much I need the help and support of community. I have been so blessed with this online community of faithful women dealing with IF. Recently I've also discovered that there are a lot of women in my area who are walking this same journey. While I hope to not always be a member of this club, the thought crossed my mind that it would be wonderful to start an infertility support group for the DC area. Right now it is just the beginning of an idea. But if you would be interested in getting involved, please leave me a comment or send me an email. Or if you have any advice for me, I welcome that too!
I am really looking forward to Holy Week and celebrating all the various services. It can be difficult when my schedule is so busy. It's a busy week for me at school plus I'm singing for all the services at Church. Whenever I'm singing it's difficult for me to fully enter into the service. I will do my best! This beautiful quote struck me this morning...
I believe that God allows human suffering with a great intention of love and mercy. I believe that Jesus Christ has transformed suffering, made it holy, and almost divine. I believe that suffering is the great instrument of redemption and sanctification. I believe that suffering is fruitful, as much as and sometimes more than our words and actions... I believe that in eternity we shall find again our beloved ones who have known and loved the cross, and that their sufferings and our own will be lost in the infinity of divine Love. I believe that God is love, and that suffering, in his hand, is the means his love uses to transform and save us.
-Elisabeth Leseur
I pray that we might enter into the mysteries of this most holy week!
After determining that my peak day was yesterday, I realized that I will need to get my blood drawn while I'm in California next week. Hopefully it won't be a problem. I checked online and there is a LapCorp near my parents house. I called my doctor's office and they said it shouldn't be a problem. They will even fax over the bloodwork orders to that office. I'm mostly concerned that it will be difficult because of the teacher's conference that I'm attending. I will just do my best to get it done! For sure I will be able to get peak + 7, but I was really looking forward to getting it done on + 9 and + 11 as well.
I had coffee with a woman on Saturday who is also dealing with IF. (Hi S!) It was so great to meet her and share our stories. We ended up talking for over 3 hours! It was another reminder to me about how much I need the help and support of community. I have been so blessed with this online community of faithful women dealing with IF. Recently I've also discovered that there are a lot of women in my area who are walking this same journey. While I hope to not always be a member of this club, the thought crossed my mind that it would be wonderful to start an infertility support group for the DC area. Right now it is just the beginning of an idea. But if you would be interested in getting involved, please leave me a comment or send me an email. Or if you have any advice for me, I welcome that too!
I am really looking forward to Holy Week and celebrating all the various services. It can be difficult when my schedule is so busy. It's a busy week for me at school plus I'm singing for all the services at Church. Whenever I'm singing it's difficult for me to fully enter into the service. I will do my best! This beautiful quote struck me this morning...
I believe that God allows human suffering with a great intention of love and mercy. I believe that Jesus Christ has transformed suffering, made it holy, and almost divine. I believe that suffering is the great instrument of redemption and sanctification. I believe that suffering is fruitful, as much as and sometimes more than our words and actions... I believe that in eternity we shall find again our beloved ones who have known and loved the cross, and that their sufferings and our own will be lost in the infinity of divine Love. I believe that God is love, and that suffering, in his hand, is the means his love uses to transform and save us.
-Elisabeth Leseur
I pray that we might enter into the mysteries of this most holy week!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Reality Check, Cycle Update, and John Paul the Great
Wow. So I spoke to the social worker at one of the adoption agencies we checked out last summer and I got a huge reality check. Mostly I was calling to clarify their policy that if you're receiving fertility treatment you cannot begin the adoption process with them. (This is what we learned at the information session after speaking with the social worker.) I even followed up with a phone call back then because it just didn't sound right to me, but this is indeed their policy. When I spoke with her today she clarified that they will not work with couples who are going through IVF or IUI or things along those lines. After explaining the kind of treatment I'm getting she said that we would be fine to work with them. Whew!
She proceeded to tell me that couples are experiencing extremely long wait times with their domestic program and that they currently have 60 families on the waiting list. Can you believe that??? This is a local agency that works with just the DC area! She said couples should expect a wait time of 2-5 years (even if you're open to all ethnicity's.) For various reasons they have a lot of couples wanting to adopt and not as many birth mothers. One reason is that international adoption has become more difficult over the past couple of years. Many countries are now "closed" to adoptions, so couples who would have pursued this avenue are now turning to domestic programs. Also, of course, we can't forget the sad reality that many women who might consider adoption choose abortion instead. The social worker also mentioned that many birth mothers are choosing private adoptions - seeking out adoptive parents on their own without an agency. It was all very disheartening, to say the least. I know other bloggers have mentioned this in their posts recently. As if adoption isn't difficult enough, why does it seem to be getting harder right now?
The social worker suggested that we do our home study, classes/counseling, and follow-up with them, but look at other agencies throughout the country for the actual placement. She is going to email me a list of agencies that they are recommending couples try to work with.
In terms of cycle news I'm on day 11 and looking for my peak day. :) I did hear back from my doctor's office and she agreed that getting my blood work done on peak + 7, 9 and 11 was a good idea. Hopefully this will shed some light!
Today is the 4th anniversary of the death of John Paul the Great. I remember that day so clearly. It's hard to believe he's been gone so long. No words are adequate to describe what an amazing man he was. He is truly my hero. I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him.
-Redemptor Hominis
John Paul the Great, pray for us!
She proceeded to tell me that couples are experiencing extremely long wait times with their domestic program and that they currently have 60 families on the waiting list. Can you believe that??? This is a local agency that works with just the DC area! She said couples should expect a wait time of 2-5 years (even if you're open to all ethnicity's.) For various reasons they have a lot of couples wanting to adopt and not as many birth mothers. One reason is that international adoption has become more difficult over the past couple of years. Many countries are now "closed" to adoptions, so couples who would have pursued this avenue are now turning to domestic programs. Also, of course, we can't forget the sad reality that many women who might consider adoption choose abortion instead. The social worker also mentioned that many birth mothers are choosing private adoptions - seeking out adoptive parents on their own without an agency. It was all very disheartening, to say the least. I know other bloggers have mentioned this in their posts recently. As if adoption isn't difficult enough, why does it seem to be getting harder right now?
The social worker suggested that we do our home study, classes/counseling, and follow-up with them, but look at other agencies throughout the country for the actual placement. She is going to email me a list of agencies that they are recommending couples try to work with.
In terms of cycle news I'm on day 11 and looking for my peak day. :) I did hear back from my doctor's office and she agreed that getting my blood work done on peak + 7, 9 and 11 was a good idea. Hopefully this will shed some light!
Today is the 4th anniversary of the death of John Paul the Great. I remember that day so clearly. It's hard to believe he's been gone so long. No words are adequate to describe what an amazing man he was. He is truly my hero. I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes:
Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him.
-Redemptor Hominis
John Paul the Great, pray for us!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Waiting...
I've been waiting to post until I hear back from my doctor's office, but they haven't called yet! I left a message on Monday for my doctor to see about getting bloodwork done on peak + 7, 9 and 11. I feel great about my good results these past couple of months, but my cycles have still been pretty short(24-26 days.) I wonder if getting the results for those other days would help. Both cycles on the prometrium I haven't been able to finish the pills because my new cycle has started.
It might be my impatience speaking here (what else is new???) but lately I have been feeling very ready to begin the adoption process. Maybe partially it's because I know so many other couples who are on waiting lists now. Overall I'm just tired of waiting. It seems that my chances are pretty good that we will conceive sometime - maybe even soon. But the reality is that we just don't know. It could take a long time. It could never happen. And I am so ready to be a mom now! I'm ready to begin our family now. Even if we conceive later, I'm ready to start waiting for a child. We attended information sessions at two agencies last summer and had mixed feelings about them. Once we realized I'd be having surgery we put the adoption plans on hold. I'm ready to pick up the research process again. If you have any tips for domestic adoptions in the DC area let me know!
It might be my impatience speaking here (what else is new???) but lately I have been feeling very ready to begin the adoption process. Maybe partially it's because I know so many other couples who are on waiting lists now. Overall I'm just tired of waiting. It seems that my chances are pretty good that we will conceive sometime - maybe even soon. But the reality is that we just don't know. It could take a long time. It could never happen. And I am so ready to be a mom now! I'm ready to begin our family now. Even if we conceive later, I'm ready to start waiting for a child. We attended information sessions at two agencies last summer and had mixed feelings about them. Once we realized I'd be having surgery we put the adoption plans on hold. I'm ready to pick up the research process again. If you have any tips for domestic adoptions in the DC area let me know!
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