Wow, I have so much to say and so little time. I'm having a great week here in California, but I'm worried that it's going to fly by like it always does!
I'm here for the NCEA (national catholic educators association) convention and of course to spend time with my friends and family. Yesterday was the first day of the convention and it was great. Although I left completely exhausted and overwhelmed, mostly because all of my worlds were colliding. It was crazy! Have you ever had that experience where people and places from various parts of your life were all brought together? Having grown up in California and now living on the East Coast, this happens to me once in awhile. I knew that I would probably see certain people at this convention, but within the first hour I had seen about 10 people from my past - all of them played a role in my faith formation growing up. And now here I am attending this conference as one of their colleagues.
I felt such a range of emotions all at once: joy at seeing these dear people; nostalgia for my "old" life that seems so far away; sadness that I am no longer close to these friends; and peace that God has brought me full circle in a way. It was beautiful for me to reflect on the journey that my life has taken me. (Although it made me feel old!!) And while I never expected to live so far from my home, I am absolutely confident that I am where God wants me to be. I could see so clearly how all these people and experiences from my past helped shape who I am today and led me to where I am now.
One of the first things to be announced during the opening ceremony was that Archbishop Wuerl (from my diocese) would not be attending the conference as planned because he had to say the funeral Mass for one of the priests in his diocese. Can you believe it??? I had no idea he was supposed to be here, but I am so glad that he chose to stay and say the Mass for Fr. Bill. It was just another example of my world's colliding. Here I am in California and they are talking about Fr. Bill's death which I just witnessed on Holy Thursday night. It really is a small world.
During the Mass I got to help as a Eucharistic Minister. It was so beautiful! I wasn't planning to participate in the Mass, but I ended up being the minister of the Precious Blood RIGHT NEXT to the Bishop. It was crazy!
Of course you know that IF has to rear its ugly head everywhere. Some of these people I ran into hadn't seen me since my wedding almost four years ago. A few of them immediately asked if we had kids and how many. It breaks my heart to have to answer that question. Especially since it was not the time for a long drawn out conversation. My only answer could be, "No, not yet." For me, these are the most painful moments. When I can't explain to someone what's really going on. They have no clue what kind of question they are asking. And yet it truly rips my heart in two. I want nothing more than to say we're working on our large brood of kids.
Although as I'm sitting here reflecting on my day yesterday, it's hitting me that I wouldn't be at the conference if I did have kids. I wouldn't be teaching and I might not have run into some of these people. I have to remind myself daily (constantly!) that I am surrendering to God's will and God's plans. As my Jeremiah quote says, God's plans are for our good and His plans give us a future full of hope. I have to remind myself of this in these painful moments.
This morning I will get my blood drawn before the conference. Thankfully it is no problem to get it done while I'm out here. I ended up getting it drawn on Saturday (peak + 6), on Monday (peak + 8) and today will be peak + 10. My doctor's office called with the first results - estrodial was in the 200s and progesterone was in the 30s. My doctor thought both of those levels looked great. I'm amazed though, because the past two months my progesterone has been in the 300s. How can both 30 and 300 be "great"??? I just don't understand these levels. I wonder if it was a bit lower since my bloodwork was on peak + 6 instead of 7. Oh well, I'm just curious to see how my levels change over these days. And of course I'm praying for a longer cycle.
Today the keynote speaker is going to be Immaculee!! I can't wait! I'm curious if her presentation will be similar to the one I heard in February. My mom is going to sneak in with me so that she can listen. Both of my parents have read her book and they love her too! :)
Are you sure that they gave you the numbers on the same scale? 30 ng/mL is a great number for P+6 (or P+7). Most doctors doctors want to see progesterone above 15 ng/mL at 7DPO. 300 ng/mL would be a incredibly high number for P+7 (it is a high number for third trimester). I'm not even sure that is a possible number during the luteal phase. As long as your 30 is ng/mL (which is standard), that is a good level and you don't have to worry about it. However, you should check to see what happened with the previous two months because the 300 doesn't sound like a reasonable number.
ReplyDeletei wish we had being catholic educators conferences here in canada! i am so jealous! then again, our school board (like most in canada) is strapped for cash and i doubt that i would be able to attend a conference cross country! we do qualify for $200 for conference funding every two years! eek! that wouldn't even cover the hotel for two nights!
ReplyDeletei work for the same school board that i went to high school in. i run into my teachers all the time and they all insist that i call them by their first names! it's nuts! two weeks ago i ran into my grade 10 math teacher at an event and it was so funny because he used to always tell me to be quiet! when i told him that i taught grade one he said that he's finally gotten his revenge for all my talking!
i hope that you enjoy the rest of your stay in beautiful california. i am so envious!
I have to agree with Mrs Blondies... are you remembering correctly that it was PROGESTERONE in the 300s?? From what I remember, your really high progesterone that time was in the high 40s, right? That seems more like it. The highest I've ever heard in the LP is in the 70s, but that is really abnormal, and usually only in circumstances of hyper-stimulation (more corpus lutei make more progesterone).
ReplyDeleteBut I would agree with your Dr that 30 is an excellent number in mid-LP.
The conference sounds amazing! I wish I was still teaching in a Catholic school, and wish I could be there! Enjoy Imaculee!
The conference sounds really neat!
ReplyDeleteI love how you found the blessing in being there and its relationship to God's will and plan for you. It's a good reminder for me that I need to try to look at all the blessings in my life during this time of "waiting." :)
The funeral was beautiful-wish you were there.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading all about your time in CA. I wish I could be there!!! My mom and step-dad took a vacation to California last summer and I am putting together a slide show for them. I am amazed at how beautiful and diverse one state can be. (I am referring to the diverse landscape)
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how difficult it is to get asked that question. I know you must feel the desire to explain, but then again, maybe sometimes we just have to leave it simple, as painful as that is.
I have every hope, that someday soon, you will have a very different and wonderful answer to that question: we all will!!
Have a wonderful, encouraging rest of your trip.
Sounds like you are having an awesome trip!
ReplyDeleteI have to laugh at LH comment about the diverse state. hahaha! ;)
I had a four year old at the fabric store ask me where my babies were? I just told her I can't have babies! ;) Is that child abuse? hahaha