Adoption Meeting

Our adoption meeting on Tuesday went really well. We spent over an hour with our social worker and mostly we were there to deliver our photo album, letter, profile paperwork and check. It was good to meet our social worker, L, since she will be our contact from this point forward. She works with waiting families and another social worker works with the birth mothers. They come together and discuss potential matches based on the preferences of both sides.

Not surprisingly it was a bit emotional for me. This whole experience is so overwhelming and I bring a lot of baggage to the table anytime we discuss adoption. I never intend (or expect) to cry, but my emotions are so close to the surface at times. I think what is most difficult and painful for me is the complete lack of control. There is not one part of this situation that I can control. I'm sure this is part of what God is trying to teach me. I am trying every day to let go and trust the Lord.

Thankfully L was very kind and helpful as we finalized our profile sheet. I feel great about working with her, which is good considering that this process could take 2-3 years. Of course you never know how things are going to play out and a situation could present itself earlier, but this is the expected timeline.

At this point our agency has 49 waiting families in the domestic program. While that is a big number, I thought it would be even higher than that! L told us that about a year ago they reached their all-time high with 80 families. Wow. It was around that time they decided to encourage waiting families to do some of their own networking and advertising.

All families who entered the program in 2010 are now required to take a webinar about outreach. In a way it's disappointing to think that our agency knows they are limited and they need us to do some networking to find birth mothers. But on the other hand, since I had already decided to do some of our own outreach it's good to have some resources and guidance from them.

If we do find a birth mother they will help and support us through the process, although legally they can only facilitate matches in DC, MD, and VA. Anything that's out of state will have to be done with another agency or lawyer.

I was really pleased to learn that they had 7 placements in February. That sounds like a lot to me! Even though none of those babies match our profile, it's good to know that our agency has a lot going on.

They said that most of their birth mothers contact them just before or just after delivery. Once in awhile a birth mother will make an adoption plan early, but more often than not it's after the baby is born. This means that most likely we will get a call and things will move quickly. While that's exciting, it also makes preparing pretty difficult. I currently have one full-time job, two part-time jobs, a summer job and various other commitments. While I will gladly drop everything to become a stay-at-home mom, I also want to fulfill my commitments. At this point, most people in my life know we are waiting to adopt (including my employer) so I feel that I have covered my bases.

My heart has slowly changed over time with regards to this time of waiting. I feel more comfortable about making some preparations since we WILL become parents. We don't know how, or when, or who... but this process will eventually lead to a baby! It's hard for this reality to set in. I have been protecting my heart for so long because infertility does not make this same promise.

My hubby and I chatted about this after our meeting. We are going to start doing a few things to get ready: purge some junk, paint the "nursery" room, start researching baby furniture and possibly start purchasing some items. I don't envision getting anything set-up yet, but it will be good to have things ready to go. We are going to create a "what to buy" list so that we're ready when the time comes.

With regards to outreach and networking, does anyone have advice to share? I started looking around at various websites and (not surprisingly) it was overwhelming to me. One site had over 200 couples listing their profile. Is it worth it to do something like that? I am thinking about creating our own website so we can easily share our letter and pictures. Any advice about which webhost to use?

As I mentioned in my previous post, it was so wonderful to find the prayer "Patient Trust" sitting on my desk when I got to school after my meeting. The words of that prayer were exactly what I needed to hear. I was so consoled by this God-incidence and felt the Lord's presence so strongly in that moment.

I was most struck by this line, "Give our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete."

Wow. I need to spend more time with this in prayer. No one wants to accept the anxiety of feeling in suspense and incomplete, and yet this is how I'm feeling. I must strive everyday to "trust the slow work of God."