Magnificat Reflection and Cycle Update

Do any of you subscribe to Magnificat? It's basically a missal that has the daily readings, liturgy of the hours, and daily reflections. I've subscribed for a couple of years now and it makes a nice companion during daily Mass!

Anyway, I was really struck by Monday's reflection. It was written by Fr. Jean-Pierre de Caussade - the same author of the exerpt I posted earlier from my women's group! I think it's a sign that I really need to get his book. The title of Monday's reflection is "Living According to God's Schedule." He says,

Why do you take pleasure in tormenting yourself, as you do, over the future, when your faith teaches you that the future is in the hands of a Father who is infinitely good, who loves you more than you love yourself and who understands your interests far better than you? Have you forgotten that everything that happens is directed by the orders of divine Providence? If we know this, how can we hesitate to remain in a state of humble submission, in the most trifling as in the greatest events, to all that God wishes or permits? How blind we are when we desire anything other than what God wishes.

I am firmly convinced that we should all be lost if God gave us all our desires, and that is why God, in his mercy and compassion for our blindness, does not always grant our prayers, and sometimes gives us the contrary of what we ask as being in reality better for us.

I take a lot of comfort in this passage and it further reminds me to surrender, surrender, surrender. Yet that doesn't mean that it's easy! I go from having a great day filled with peace and hope, to have a really down day filled with sadness and confusion.

I'm sure part of why I'm feeling these ups and downs right now is that my cycle is very clearly ending. I'm on day 25 and I was expecting to last at least a couple more days, but it seems that today will soon be cycle day 1. Since taking Femara and Chrysin I've been having 26-28 day cycles (as opposed to my old 24-25 days.) I'm not sure why my cycle would be shorter this month...

Honestly, all that I can focus on is my doctor's appointment on Thursday. Since it was rescheduled to 11:30am, I decided to take a sick day and get a sub for my classes. It would have been too much running around by the time I picked up my hubby, drove to the appointment, took him back, etc. It will be nice to have some unexpected free time that day! Not to mention I'm sure I will be sooooo distracted, both before and after the appointment.

So here's a question for you all... do people with endo have stronger PMS? I can't tell if I'm imagining things or what, but I seem to be having more cramping and bloating than before. So as you can imagine the first thing that pops into my head is, "This is proof that I do have endo!" I seriously need to have this surgery ASAP so that I stop playing mind games with myself. It's just so difficult not knowing!!