Time and Waiting

I have been struck by various songs and reflections and passages on time and waiting recently.

It started when I received an awesome package in the mail from a lovely blogger friend a couple of days ago. She sent me a book and a CD - both on the subjects of waiting. I have been listening to the CD non-stop. Music really speaks to me and I usually find my deepest moments of communion with God through song. The words of these songs really struck me to the core. One song - Silence by Joy Williams - talks about how God sometimes answers our prayers with silence. She sings of how she will be faithful to God and trust during this time of silence. Man, that is exactly how I feel. I was so overwhelmed by these words that I just sobbed in my car as I drove to school. These kind of tears are not sorrowful for me, they are a very deep connection to the Lord. It's when I am most raw and open and honest with Him. I'm not crying out in anger, but in faith and in surrender. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but that is how it feels to me.

Shortly after I came across this:
You have kept a record of my tears; are they not written in your book? Psalm 56:9

And then this from one of my favorites:
Thus says the Lord, cease your cries of mourning, wipe the tears from your eyes. The sorrow you have shown shall have its reward, says the Lord. There is hope for your future, says the Lord. Jeremiah 31:16-17

Both of these were in the Magnificat prayers for the feast of St. Monica. She who prayed and cried and prayed and cried for her son. Have we not done the same for our future children? I felt compelled to pray for her intercession. Look at how her perseverance paid off? Our Church would be very different without St. Augustine and his contributions.

Then, the meditation for the day was about the Gospel passage - how we must stay awake and wait for the Lord, for we do not know when he will come. Time is a funny thing, because it exists only for us. God Himself exists outside of time, and yet He chose to enter our world and our time. The reflection says,

"Time is meant to awaken, intensify and deepen our longing." (Obviously this refers to our longing for the Lord - but to me it also speaks to our longing for a child.) "Time makes us humble before God. First he purifies our all-too-impetuous enthusiasm, then he gradually brings us back to what is fundamental: the passionate but peaceful waiting for him whom we love and who awaits us even more than we can ever await him... God is greater than time, greater also than our waiting, just as he is greater than our own heart."

Wow. How great is that? And then, just when I thought I couldn't handle any more, today's Gospel was more about waiting on the Lord and being prepared for His arrival. The writing of St. Augustine was used in today's meditation. He says,

"Faith is the ground of things hoped for, the conviction of things which cannot be seen. When you hope, you don't yet have what you are hoping for, but by believing it you resemble someone who does possess it... The reason faith is greatly rewarded is that it doesn't see, and yet believes. If it could see, what reward would there be? What you want has its price... if you shirk the hard work of the journey, how can you expect the joy of possession?"

These passages are so rich! I need to sit with them even more. I hope it gives you some food for thought too.

You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are restless until they rest in you.
-St. Augustine