Time flies by so quickly, doesn't it? When I scheduled my next doctor's appointment it was mid-September and October 22 seemed soooooo far away! Now, of course, it's almost here. It's sounds strange to say but I really am excited for this appointment. I am very curious to meet Dr. L, to hear what she has to say about my situation (hopefully she will look at my charts - and not just the minute before she walks through the door!), and most importantly what she will say about my surgery. I know many of you have had laparoscopies, but I'm still very curious about all the logistics. Also, Dr. B said it shouldn't be a problem to schedule it as soon as we're ready, so I have been thinking that the surgery will be very soon. But who knows, Dr. L could have something different to say. Or her schedule could be really busy! Hopefully it won't be too far away. Mentally I have been planning on November...
Wednesday is also my birthday! The big 2-9. I can honestly say that this is the first birthday I have ever felt old. REALLY old. And that makes me sad. I have always been considered young... all growing up I was young for my grade, I've always been younger than most of my friends, and even at work I'm one of the "young" teachers. A lot of my co-workers tell me, "oh you're just a baby!" That being said, I feel like the LAST woman on earth to get pregnant and that makes me feel old. As I was saying earlier, the time just flies by so fast. What did I do during ages 26, 27 and 28? I can't really say! I thought getting married at 25 was just perfect... not too old, not too young. I was all set to be pregnant at the "perfect" age too. I'd hate to think how I'd feel if I was turning 30 this year. So of course in my mind I'm thinking, "As long as I'm pregnant before I'm 30 I'll be ok." I should know better by now to not even let those thoughts enter my mind. I can't tell you how many milestones have come and gone that I was hoping to be pregnant by.
As I type this I'm reflecting on what a control-freak I can be. I don't doubt that God is trying to teach me to be more patient and to surrender to His will. His timetable is clearly not my timetable. Even after three years of this journey I am STILL trying to learn this lesson.
On a side note, I got the best birthday present today - a love letter from my hubby! He asked me what I wanted for my birthday and this is what I wanted. He's actually out of town tonight and he left it on my night stand. It was so sweet! Just what I needed.
Getting old without a baby is another dream that dies for all of us, I think. I have mourned that for a long time. I feel like a kid, yet I'm almost 32. 32! That is incomprehensible to me. Now if I'm lucky, I'll be 32 when I have a baby. If I'm incredibly lucky. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that would be my life. For the most part I've dealt with this and would obviously be thankful for a baby at an age, but thinking about it now immediately opens the wound (if you hadn't noticed at this point!). It's all about patience and trust, I guess!
ReplyDeleteSorry to ramble on about this. I hope you have a fabulous birthday! And what a sweet husband!
A love letter !!! That is the sweetest thing imaginable.
ReplyDeleteI am going to ask for this for Christmas:)
I will remember you in my prayers for your upcoming doctor's appointment, I just know that your docs are going to get to the bottom of why you haven't conceived yet. (like a puzzle, going piece by piece. It's GREAT when you find a BIG piece! Maybe a laparoscopy will be like that for you.)
And as for the lap, I agree with you that the sooner the better. With both of mine, I only had a few weeks notice and that was more than I could handle, just stressing over it and worrying and anticipating!
I don't know how people wait for months on end.
Hope you have a happy birthday tomorrow! 29 is not old - I'm going to turn 29 in December! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm SO going to ask for a love letter for my birthday too!!
Oh by the way, I think because your blog is named Jeremiah 29, this is going to be a good year for you!
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