Sonogram and Mixed Feelings

Thankfully I was able to get the sonogram done yesterday, although I was left with mixed feelings about it all.

I was so sure that I would get my LH surge sometime during the long weekend and miss out on having this appointment, but it never came! I couldn't believe it - I wasn't sure if my cycle was actually different this time because of my medication changes, or if I had just missed it. Yesterday morning I tested one last time and still didn't see the double line indicating the LH surge. I called my doctor's office and she said to come in anyway. Since it was day 14 she thought it would be a good time to check me out.

It was a bit of a chaotic morning - any time you're coming back from a long weekend the students (and teachers!) don't quite hit the ground running. So that makes it extra tough to start with Mass. We had our First Communion celebration Mass for all the second grade students. Thankfully it was really lovely - it's so cute to see all the kids in their white dresses and little suits. We finished around 10:15, so I rushed back to my room to check my voicemail and got the message to come in and jumped in my car. My appointment was at 11:00, but it was pouring out and I was worried about traffic. Thankfully I arrived in time, even though I had to sit and wait for quite awhile. A woman came in after me, said she had an 11:00 with my doctor and was rushed in before me. Has this ever happened to you? Sometimes I just don't understand how doctor's offices work. Anyways, I was just thankful to have my appointment.

The sonogram was done vaginally, which was more than unpleasant. Thankfully I was pretty distracted once she started because I was watching the screen as she maneuvered around. I was totally blown away by what she could see. If I am ever fortunate enough to be pregnant and have an ultra sound to see a baby, I will totally understand why people have such an emotional reaction. It truly is amazing what technology can do. Dr. L first examined my uterine lining and said it looked good - nice and thick. I was thinking to myself, "All I see is a bunch of black and white fuzz. How can you even tell what you're looking at??" But apparently she saw three separate layers which was what she was looking for.

Next she went on the search for my ovaries. Again, I was amazed that she could distinguish anything. She found both of them and both had follicles growing. She could tell by the size and by the fluid which one was ovulating this month. I didn't realize that both ovaries had follicles growing at various sizes. Even when I think I understand what's going on, I realize that the female reproductive system is even MORE complicated! She found three large follicles around the same size in one ovary and she said that one or more of them would be released soon.

Dr. L kept saying everything looks great and healthy and that I was on target to ovulate normally. So this is good, right? Except for the fact that I am still not getting pregnant. I can't tell you how many appointments I've had where everything looks good, normal or healthy. So what's the problem then? What isn't working? I basically asked Dr. L this question - I asked where do we go from here. She reminded me that the sonogram gives us information about ovuation and not conception. She said that things look good this month, so we just need to do our part and wait for nature to takes its course. I was a little irritated that she said this because obviously nature ISN'T taking its course. But I understand that she has a ton more patience than me. She doesn't mind waiting 6 months or a year to see how my body reacts. I, on the other hand, can't stand to wait one more day.

I chatted with LifeHopes on my way back to school from the appointment. It was so helpful to get her perspective, and of course her encouragement. :) She reminded me that part of the NaPro way is to be slow and patient, waiting for the body to naturally respond. I really struggle with this. Even though we're not going the artificial reproductive route, I do want to be aggresive and try everything possible. I'm trying to balance both prayer and action - doing our part, but at the same time surrendering to God's plans for us.

I am curious to get my bloodwork done this cycle and see what's going on. I'm off Prometrium and I'm taking a higher dosage of Tamoxifen this cycle. I am curious what Dr. L thinks if my ovulation is picture perfect, but my hormones are still way off. Only time will tell.

On the adoption front we are trying to cover all our bases before we commit to an agency. Obviously there is a lot to consider. Each agency works differently, so we want to make sure we're making the right decision. Right now I'm trying to figure out the policy of each agency if (1) we get pregnant, (2) adopt with one agency while being listed with another or (3) find a birthmother on our own. It's important to consider these scenarios before we make a financial committment to them. The agency we're leaning towards requires 25% NONREFUNDABLE deposit to begin working with their domestic program. That is some serious money, so I want to be sure before we commit.