We went to the information meeting last night at adoption agency #3 and I am trying to deal with my feelings of bitterness and resentment toward the adoption process. We have attended information meetings at three different agencies and I left all three with the same feeling - totally and completely overwhelmed with bitterness and resentment. Not toward adoption itself, but towards the process.
Thankfully it doesn't last long. I was over it by this morning and I am ready to tackle the paperwork. It feels good to be moving forward, but I am still annoyed and irritated that we are forced to be in this position in order to become parents. It's hard to explain, but I do not have any of these feelings towards adoption itself. I have seen it work beautifully (my husband is adopted) and I have been so touched by the adoption stories I have read about. I don't doubt that if we do adopt, it will be beautiful and wonderful and it will be God's way of growing our family.
And yet, all I wanted was to run out of the room last night at our meeting. It's hard for me to identify with all the other couples in the room and I don't want to attend parenting classes with them. I don't want to compete with them for a birthmother's choice and I don't want to sell myself as to why I would make a great mother. Ugh. I just don't want to go through it all.
It probably didn't help that I had a really long day yesterday. We took our 6th graders on a field trip to Philly because the Franklin Institute had an exhibit on Galileo. We ended up spending 6 hours on the bus - 3 up and 3 back - and about 4 hours in the museum. I had to rush home, pick up my hubby (without any dinner) and go right to the meeting. We were all crammed into this room that was hot and stuffy. Not a great environment to discuss this very sensitive topic.
That being said, it looks like we will probably work with this agency. I felt good about the two social workers who presented. They seem to place more children than the other agencies and their domestic program is open to new couples. I'm hoping that we can also list with another agency in a different part of the country, in addition to doing some "networking." It would be wonderful if we were able to have a private, independant adoption.
We decided to get away for the long weekend, so that will be nice. I'm looking forward to some rest and relaxation. We're going to a cabin a couple of hours away. I could use a couple of days of reading, watching movies and just being away.
The Franklin Institute is one of my favorite places!!! When I was little we all loved going into the huge "heart" that thumped. There was also a "tongue" that we all enjoyed. You probably didn't take the 6th graders in there though, haha! There was also a machine that took your picture and then showed you what you were going to look like when you were 80- mine was not a pretty sight. I hope it's wrong!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you liked the agency. I feel ya on the adoption process...I am a little frustrated myself right now...I wish it was easier! My motto for myself is "suck it up and it done." Unfortunately, you have to do this to get the end result- your precious little baby. Many prayers...can't wait for the long weekend either!!!
No need to explain... I know EXACTLY what you mean about the adoption process. I LOVE the idea of adoption itself, but can't think of anything I dislike more than the process of "auditioning" for a baby. That's what it feels like to me. It's worse than an interview, because an interview you can train for, etc. When you audition for something, it can be completely based upon superficial qualities. Hm, maybe my next post will be more about this...
ReplyDeleteYes! The adoption process can totally suck. Having done both international and domestic, I've got to say both systems seem 'broken.' With international there is this concern that you are not getting reliable info on your child's background...and then there all these rules about money changing hands to make sure people aren't buying babies.
ReplyDeleteThen with domestic, it seems just like you say, competeing with other couples for a child. Ugh.
Do not let this get you down or discourage you, because once it is all said and done these things will be a distant memory and totally worth it...I know you know that already, but I thought I'd confirm it for you! :)
Wow. Glad you found an agency you like (well, sort of) - good luck with getting all the logistics started! Private adoption is what I think too - if God is calling us to take a baby home, it seems to me that He'll put that person in our path somehow. At least, that's how it works in my mind...
ReplyDeletei completely understand your feelings about adoption! i wish that i could get over the resentment that i feel towards the process. we've talked about going to information sessions in the fall, but i honestly dread it. you're definitely not alone in your feelings!
ReplyDeletewhat a cool field trip! we're planning an end of the year trip to a farm and i'm sure that the kids will love it, me not so much!
I completely understand.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard already, everywhere we go, there are mothers and babies, and pregnant mothers with babies, and oh my gosh it's nauseating.
And we finally summon the courage and desire to adopt and then feel like .... oh my gosh what are we getting ourselves into? It feels like we are being interrogated or scrutinized or something. I hate it. I feel defensive about all our answers, and just plain annoyed at it all.
I can only hope that the end result is worth it all.
We are just starting the adoption process as well so I totally understand where you are coming from. Also think its interesting that we have a few things in common my husband was adopted and Im also a teacher so glad to have someone to follow along with.
ReplyDeleteJust curious what agency you have decided to go with as we are still up in the air with which one we want to select.