Small Steps

Infertility has been keeping me busy lately! I feel like I spent most of the weekend doing something or other related to IF. Overall I am thankful for making some progress, even if it's just a lot of small steps.

First, I had a doctors appointment with Dr. L on Friday afternoon. It was day 3 and I was all psyched up to "demand" more aggressive treatment. I told her that I was ready for injections or something more aggressive. She smiled and said the same thing that she always says, "I know that you want to be pregnant yesterday, but I think we're making good progress." She is convinced that it's just a matter of time and that my hormones are great and overall my cycles are good. She said that it wouldn't be wise (or healthy!) to over stimulate me with more medication than I need. She did concede to giving me the HCG trigger shot. The plan for this month is 40mg of Tamoxifen and the HCG trigger shot. Once I see an LH surge and I think I'm close to ovulating, she will do a sonogram and give me the shot. I feel good about making at least one change!

I have such mixed feelings about my medical treatment. I'm obsessed with trying something new and something more aggressive and yet other times I think, what's the point? It's just not happening. On one hand I think I'm getting really good medical care... and on the other hand I wonder if the doctors really have a clue what is going on. Ugh, it can be so frustrating.

After sitting in DC beltway traffic to get from Fairfax to Silver Spring, I dropped of my prescriptions at the pharmacy and raced home. We had our first appointment with the adoption social worker. I was under the impression this meeting was going to be mostly an introduction to the paperwork. We have been moving along with it as much as we can, but we did have some questions. After going through some of the paperwork logistics, she was jumped right into the personal questions! I was totally unprepared, but maybe that was for the best. I probably would have been really nervous if I knew that was the plan.

Overall I think it went really well. Of course her first question was, "So, why are you adopting?" I looked at my husband and said, "Should I answer?" I began by saying, "Well, we want to have kids..." and then I lost it. I didn't expect to get emotional right off the bat! So my husband had to tell our story and explain how we got to this point. For the most part her questions were as I expected, but so many of them are really hard to answer. How do you put into words what kind of parent you hope to be? How do you clarify just how open you're comfortable being with the birthmother and how you will explain to the child that he/she is adopted? It was a lot to swallow at once.

Thankfully I think we have a great social worker. She seems nice and normal and that she is truly here to help us. Once the paperwork is completed and mailed to the agency, we will set up the last two meetings. She will separate us and interview each of us separately. Also she will interview one of our references. And of course she will inspect the house. I have to keep telling myself - small steps. Just one thing at a time.

So all of that was on Friday. Then of course Saturday morning was our awesome gathering of DC bloggers! I was so encouraged just being with these ladies. I look forward to getting together again - and hopefully we can schedule a regular support group. I'm going to advertise through the archdiocese because I can only imagine how many other women are walking this lonely road.

This coming week we will get our fingerprints done, get the house inspected by the fire department (thankfully we already passed the inspection by the county housing inspector!) and I have my doctor's appointment for the adoption paperwork. I actually have to get an HIV test done. Seriously, I never expected to be doing that!

Small steps. Just one thing at a time.