Questions and Answers

A lot of people have had the same questions for me during this past week as we share our news. I thought I'd post some of my answers here.

First let me say that it's hard for me to keep quiet about anything! I'm an extrovert and generally will share my life story with a stranger on the bus if they seem interested. :) Ha ha! Hence the reason that I reveal so much on this blog and the fact that I have shared this blog with many in-real-life friends/family.

That being said, I'm still nervous to share this news with everyone since there is so much uncertainty with adoption. I was not planning to post on Facebook until the baby is born, but I'm not sure I can hold out that long. :) I feel very good about this adoption going through, but still - it's not final until it's final.

(1) Did you request a girl?
No, our first agency wouldn't allow us to request gender. Even when we could with our second agency, we did not. We truly would be thrilled to have a boy or a girl. Either way it's a win: the joy of having brothers or the joy of having a girl.

(2) Do you get to name her?
I've honestly been surprised how many people ask this question! I haven't heard of any adoptions where you don't get to name the baby, but then again a lot of people don't understand the specifics of the adoption process.

So yes, we get to name her. I love that we've chosen a name that is full of so much meaning for us.

(3) Will you be there when she is born?
During my converstion with the birthmother I asked what her preferences were. She said that she would love for us to be in the hospital when she is born (not sure about being in the operating room.) She definitely wants to see the baby and have a little time with her, but she specifically said she doesn't want to spend two full days with her and that she wants us to have some bonding time with the baby right away.

We are so, so blessed that both of our birthmothers have been generous in this regard. I will forever treasure the memories of holding Tommy when he was just minutes old and feeding him his first bottle. I am convinced there is no one more selfless in the world than these birthmothers who sacrifice so much for their children.

(4) When do you get to take the baby home?
Indiana state law says that the birthmother cannot sign the papers (termination of parental rights) until 48 hours have passed, since she is having a c-section. It would be 24 hours if it were a vaginal birth. And then once she signs the papers it is irrevocable! And the birthfather's rights have already been terminated.

With Tommy, his birthmother signed the papers after 24 hours but she had 30 days to change her mind. It's amazing to me that states vary so much in their adoption laws.

God-willing that all of this happens, we will take the baby "home" to the hotel on Wednesday afternoon. We will stay in Indiana until the ICPC paperwork has cleared and then drive back home to Maryland.

(5) What will the baby look like?
Obviously we have no idea exactly what she will look like, but we do know that she is part Caucasian and part Hispanic.

(6) Will you go back to work?
At this point I'm planning to keep my jobs. I'm so blessed to have two part-time jobs that I enjoy and that give me some flexibility. I will take off some time in the beginning, but I will go back to teaching Monday and Wednesday mornings (from 8:30-10:15am) and I will continue leading the high school youth group at church.

I think that covers most of the questions I've been asked a lot lately. We are trying to focus on the immediate needs - the details around traveling and our time in Indiana. And to make sure that we can survive at home with a new baby. Once we return we can think about how we are going to convert our guest room to also double as a nursery.

I'm praying the Memorare every chance I get. I am so grateful for Our Lady's intercession in my life. I'd love it if anyone wants to join me in praying this prayer - for the health of the baby, for the birthmother, and for a smooth adoption process.
 

Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to thy protection, implored thy help, or sought thine intercession was left unaided. Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto thee, O Virgin of virgins, my mother; to thee do I come, before thee I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in thy mercy hear and answer me. Amen.